


Of Blades and Ice

by Code_Aria_3789



Series: Of Swords and Skates [2]
Category: Sword Art Online, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Butterfly Effect, Confident Katsuki Yuuri, Death, Family Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Mild horror?, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Multi, Panic Attacks, Realistic, Single POV, To be Human is To Err, Trauma, Unreliable Narrator, Worldbuilding, eventually, its a DEATH game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-11-08 08:42:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 40,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11078034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Code_Aria_3789/pseuds/Code_Aria_3789
Summary: The Beta-test has ended and the time for fun has passed. It is time for the Death Game to begin.Whether Yuuri is ready for it or not.





	1. Sword and Shield

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ: This work is part of a series that is meant to be read in order. Please read the previous part to avoid confusion.

_Recap: In order to escape the uncertainties and problems appearing in his life, Katsuki Yuuri applies for and participates in the SAO Beta-test. Entering the game under the name Ryuu, Yuuri meets and eventually befriends another player named Kirito._

 

_In the beta’s final minutes, the two make a promise to meet again once the real game goes live._

 

_Now, a few short weeks before his 14th birthday, Yuuri enters into the Virtual World of Sword Art Online once more._

 

~o~

 

 **November 7:** **_(1:00 PM)_ **

It was all so beautiful, just like Yuuri remembered.

 

The midafternoon sun hung high in the sky, lightening the cobblestone roadways leading in every direction from the large circular Town Square. The red and gold rooftop tiles glisten brightly and the stone buildings stood just as tall and breathtakingly as he remembered.

 

The atmosphere was even more animated than during the opening of the Beta. It made sense since the amount of people had multiplied by a factor of ten. The new players and faces were browsing through the various alleyways--taking off in whatever direction caught their eye--eager to explore this new world just like Yuuri once was.

 

Some walked down the Main North road, where Yuuri recalled an NCP-operated merchant shop sold decent leather armour for players under Level 3. Others began to peruse the various stalls of the Bazaar-styled market that filled the smaller, but no less busy South Boulevard. And still more could be seen to the East as they stopped and stared at the artistry and beauty of the East Alleyways where the more luxurious items and eateries were located.

 

Yuuri himself wanted to explore the bustling city of his memories that he had not laid eyes on in over five months. The air, the colors, the atmosphere, the sounds. Everything held a place in his heart, reminding him of the adventure filled summer he had spent in this world.

 

But a promise weighed heavy in his mind and he was determined to fulfill it.

 

He was already running a few minutes late; the work at the inn on the busy Saturday tripling for the lunch hour. (Yuuri didn’t blame them for flooding in. His mother’s cooking was to _die_ for, after all.) A small mishap in an order had led Yuuri to being a few minutes late logging in.

 

Once he had logged in, the option of using his Beta-Test information had stalled him even more.

 

 _Wouldn’t it be a cheat to use it?_ He had gotten to a rather high level by the time the Beta had finished, and he had worked hard to get that far so he wasn’t too keen on throwing away all his efforts and hours of trial and error.

 

(The athlete inside himself _cringed_ at the idea of letting hard work and constant training go to waste.)

 

But if there was one thing that Kirito had instilled in Yuuri during their time in the Beta, it was that the game was inherently “fair,” following a certain logic of numbers and statistics that could not be disputed. If the game system itself was giving Yuuri the option to use his past data, then it must have been adjusted somehow so that is was still fair to the others new players.

 

Decided, Yuuri had chosen to use his Beta-test information.

 

Now, standing in the main city square of the **[Town of Beginnings]** , Yuuri opened his menu by swiping his right hand downward.

 

In line with his suspicious, he is at level one and none of the equipment or items he had amassed during the beta-test were present in his storage. His skills and preferred weapon were gone as well. Yuuri began to think that there was no difference between using the Beta-test data and a new avatar until he opened his friends list.

 

There--at the very top as the one and only player Yuuri had added to his list--sat Kirito’s name.

 

 _So that the difference; I get to keep my contacts,_ Yuuri realized. He also supposed that he saved a few minutes while logging in by not having to recreate his avatar once again, but this is the more obvious and appreciated advantage.

 

It made sense to a certain extent. If you don’t train constantly, you will lose your muscles and suffer a decrease in ability. But just because you don’t see someone for a few months doesn’t mean that you forget them instantly.

 

(Yuuri recalls fondly that Kirito had often berated him for applying real life logic to a gaming world ruled by codes and numbers, but it had worked when they both began developing their own swordplay styles so Yuuri figures that it wouldn’t hurt to view the rest of the game in the same way.)

 

Entering one of the smaller pathways between two unassuming shops, Yuuri found and slipped into a small, shaded niche as to not draw unnecessary attention to himself. Clicking on Kirito’s name, he sent a quick message, curious to see if it would go through at all.

 

 **< < RYUU: **_Sorry. Running late. Are you at the fields already?_ **> >**

 

Yuuri didn’t even know if Kirito had managed to get a copy of the game, so it wouldn’t hurt to check first.

 

He didn’t have to wait long for a response.

 

 **< < KIRITO: **_Ryuu? How are you contacting me? The game just started!_ **> >**

 

Kirito’s response came almost instantly and the little bubble of worry that had started to form in his stomach began to uncoil and loosen. His friend was here--had come back--just like Yuuri.

 

 **< < RYUU:** _I used my Beta-test data? It saved me time logging in and I figured that if it was something they are offering than it couldn’t be seen as cheating._ ** >>**

 

 **< < KIRITO: ** _...I should have known that THAT of all things would confuse you. When a game lets you use your past data, it is just so that you can use your past Avatar settings. Here, it looks like you can access some of your past map data and your friends list as well, I guess._ **> >**

 

Internally trying to reign in his embarrassment for _still_ needing explanations about game mechanics from Kirito, Yuuri almost missed the next message from Kirito. When he read it, the worry in his stomach began to resurface and tighten once more.

 

 **< < KIRITO: ** _I am already at the West Fields. I got stopped and asked by another player if I could show them a few tricks._ **> >**

 

Another...player? As in another person?

 

Despite the competitiveness and lone wolf tendency that most of the other Beta Testers operated under, it was not so unusual for Kirito to stop and offer help to other players--just look at Yuuri’s own first encounter with Kirito. During the Beta, the two of them would often pause in their journey to save a hapless player from an enraged horde of monsters or offer advice on where to get better items.

 

( _“But never the_ **_best_ ** _items,” Kirito had stressed after the player had departed. “Remember this, Ryuu. There is being generous, and then there is being stupid. The early bird gets the worm and the third dog, the bone.”_

 

_Yuuri thought the small glint in his eyes and the proud smirk on Kirito’s face--like he had just delivered some profound knowledge--was completely unnecessary (and a little creepy) but since Kirito was sharing his knowledge on hidden quests with Yuuri, he supposed he had no right to complain.)_

 

As far as Yuuri could see though, Kirito never tried to actually communicate with the other gamers beyond an exchange of hints and information. Yuuri had stayed out of those conversations, largely because he knew he would just get in the way with his lacking and meager knowledge, but also because he didn’t want to hold Kirito back from meeting with other people that would no doubt have much more in common with Kirito than Yuuri himself.

 

_(He can’t be selfish. He can’t just ask someone to stay, not for his sake. If Kirito had wanted to leave, then it was not Yuuri’s place to stop him.)_

 

By the end of their first boss fight, most of these doubts and worries had been extinguished from Yuuri’s mind, but this was a new game, a fresh start. Maybe Kirito wanted to party with someone else. Maybe these last few months apart have made him see the faults that Yuuri had failed to hide. Maybe Kirito doesn’t want to be friends with Yuuri anymore and that is why he was surprised that Yuuri contacted him.

 

 _(Not good enough,_ **_never_ ** _good enough--)_

 

Halting his thoughts with a resolve and strength that he usually lacks in reality, Yuuri steels himself and prepares for the worse.

 

 **< < RYUU: **_What happened with the player?_ **> >**

 

 **< < KIRITO: **_He came with me to the fields. I figured you wouldn’t mind if we showed off a bit before moving on. Besides, his reactions are amusing when he gets hit._ **> >**

 

And...Yuuri should stop being surprised. Because Kirito always, always seems to know what to say to make Yuuri’s worries disappear and seem like they were nothing at all.

 

_(He’s not going to leave, he’s staying! Yuuri’s not going to be alone--)_

 

A smile grows on his face--slowly but no less sincere--as the knot in his stomach and pressure on lungs lessens. He can feel the stronger him, the better him, **_Ryuu_** , rise up from inside and begin to take over once more.

 

 **< < RYUU: ** _You mean I wouldn’t mind if_ you _showed off? And don’t make too much fun of the beginners Kirito; you have NO room to judge. Remember the_ **_[Bluegill Carp]_ ** _on Floor 3? I am sure that nothing he does will beat your reaction from then._ **> >**

 

 **< < KIRITO: **_It tried to EAT me! A fish! Tired. To. EAT. Me! There are some things that just aren’t acceptable and live sushi trying to consume me is one of them._ **> >**

 

 **< < RYUU: **_Setting aside y_ _our obsession with sushi, I see you haven’t curved your tendency to rush headfirst into things._ **> >**

 

 **< < KIRITO: ** _Don’t just write it off! And what’s that supposed to mean?_ **> >**

 

 **< < RYUU: ** _Did you buy any recovery potions at all before you went out there?_ **> >**

 

There was a short pause. Yuuri can almost see Kirito’s scrunched face--stuck somewhere between frustration and chagrin--as he tried to find a rebuttal to an argument that he knows he is losing.

 

 **< < KIRITO:** _I swear, having you around has ruined me. I was not like this before. You and your constant re-stocking of equipment have spoiled and ruined me._ **> >**

 

Thinking back on it, Yuuri supposes there is some truth in that. While Kirito is the one who had originally pointed out the items that would work the best, Yuuri had taken over the purchasing of potions and elixirs when it eventually became apparent that he was the more likely of the two to survive and not die in a reckless crusade. He also had better dodging skills so he functioned as a healer (or “priest” as Kirito had called it, jokingly)--staying farther back if necessary and throwing the recovery potions at Kirito when he needed them.

 

 **< < RYUU:** _Well, if you are just going to be in the lower level areas then there is no real need for you to have any items. Even at your current level, you shouldn’t have any problems with the monsters there. But, I am pretty sure you don’t want to stay in that area when we go out into the fields, right?_ **> >**

 

 **< < KIRITO:** _...You know me well._ **> >**

 

 **< < RYUU: ** _It was either learn or die when your plans backfired. Either way, it looks like there might be some special stores hidden in the East Plaza. I’ll go there, get some items, and meet up with you later._ **> >**

 

 **< < KIRITO:** _See. This is what I mean. Spoiling me. How did I never notice your mother-hen tendencies before this?_ **> >**

 

 **< < RYUU:** _...You know what, just for that, I am going to walk VERY slowly and waste as much time as possible getting back to you. Have fun teaching the newbie how to defeat such_ challenging _monsters!_ ヾ(＾∇＾) **> >**

 

There is a long enough pause afterwards that Yuuri is sure that Kirito is realizing that, yes, he is going to be spending time in one of the lowest level fields, against the weakest monsters in the game, for as long as Yuuri is gone. He imagines that Kirito is accepting this response in his typical fashion: his head resting in his palm as he clenches his eyes shut and sighs despondently. Satisfied with his revenge, Yuuri closes his menu and begins his _slow_ trek down a random eastbound pathway.

 

_(Yuuri might want to see his friend again, but that does not mean, that as Ryuu, he has not learned how to be a little petty. But this is pretty normal behavior for friends, right?)_

 

~o~

 

**_(1:30 pm)_ **

With the game’s inhabitants increasing so much, maybe Yuuri should have put a little more thought into exactly just how _crowded_ the main Plaza of the eastern sector would be. Everywhere he turned there were players rushing around, entering the various establishments and stores that held new and unique items. Being born in a tourist hot spot, Yuuri couldn’t help but cringe when he saw how some of the new players were being swindled out of the scant amount of money they were awarded at the start of the game. It was a fairly common practice in his hometown: make tourist buy the overpriced and worthless products made to look expensive with shiny bits and tacky, bright colors. They would learn, eventually, how to tell the difference between the quality equipment and the _(obvious)_ junk.

 

(Just like they would learn that there is absolutely no point in trying to complain or trying to sue a NCP clerk; there is no government to complain to in the first place.)

 

Another glance revealed that there were no “hardcore gamers”--as Kirito had called them--in the areas around him. By their lack of presence, Yuuri assumed that these more serious players had chosen to either go directly to the fields or had gone to the more obvious weapon stocked stalls in the North and West sections of the city.

 

Yuuri, himself, initially went to those areas as well, but he knew better now.

 

It was on the 4th Floor--when he and Kirito had stumbled into a half hidden alcove in the commercial district of the main city--that the two of them began to search in the most unlikely of places for hidden shops within the main villages. After all, that small hole-in-the-wall shop had contain an apothecary that sold relatively high level potions for a very small amount of money--that is of course, if you helped them in some way first.

 

Even if the two of them had never fully explored the **[Town of Beginnings]** after their initial discovery, Yuuri had no doubt that there would be some form of obscure shop here as well. It was just a matter of finding it.

 

Sticking to the least crowded roads as he searched, Yuuri let the various excited chatter and merry voices wash over him and act as background music to his adventure.

 

It was a freeing feeling, just strolling through the town like this. No one knew or bothered him here and he could walk openly without fear of judgement or others eyes. He could be anything he wanted here, he could be the person he so struggled to be in reality. He didn’t _have_ to be Yuuri all the time while he was here and the escape itself--(the option)--made his heart feel light and let his lungs breathe easy.

 

 _(He had missed this. Truly, utterly missed this sense of freedom and safety. He had missed being Ryuu more than he can ever safely admit aloud, even (_ _**especially** )_ _to himself.)_

 

~o~

 

**_(2:30 pm)_ **

Following the small signs and hints that indicated where a secret item store was not easy, but Kirito had painstakingly mapped out a method to locate them that worked about 70% of the time and Yuuri had been diligently in learning it himself. After forty minutes of searching and twenty minutes of helping the elderly NCP medicine-man find the 10 missing pages of his favorite book--“ _Apothecary 101: An A to Z Book of Herbal Concoctions for Cures and Curses”_ \--Yuuri left the invisible gold mine of potions--cleverly concealed as a rustic bookstore--with six Level 5 **[Recovery Potions]** and a cooking book for beginners as a bonus.

 

(Yuuri knows how to cook, is actually rather decent at it, but he has no idea how his skill is going to translate in SAO so he had chosen the beginner’s book just in case.)

 

Now, Yuuri leisurely strolls through the elegant and ornate structures of the East sectors, peering into restaurants, cafes, and trinket shops, as he slowly head toward the West Fields.

 

Part of Yuuri is begging his legs to move faster, to hurry and meet up with Kirito already. Another part is telling him not rush as he doesn’t want to seem too desperate, too needy and make his friend unwilling to be near him. And still another wants to delay this meeting as much as possible.

 

 _(What if the other player is still there? What if this person doesn’t like Yuuri and tries to make him leave? What if he is cooler, stronger,_ **_better_ ** _than Yuuri and he has to watch as Kirito finds someone worthier as a party member--)_

 

Needless to say, Yuuri doesn’t change his pace at all and continues at his moderate speed.

 

He is just passing by one of the larger, marble sculpted water fountains when he is pulled from his thoughts by an excited cry.

 

“ _Wow! So cool! This is amazing!_ ”

 

Normally, such a statement would not be enough to pull Yuuri’s attention _(seriously, he has heard it enough in the last one and a half hours that he swears it must just be playing on repeat as background music somewhere)_. And, in truth, it is not the words themselves that call Yuuri’s attention to the speaker.

 

It was the fact that they were spoken in _English_.

 

As far as Yuuri knows, the Japanese server for the game was the only one ready to go live at the moment; the other countries individual servers were still being constructed and converted into their own languages. And while the Main Menu of their own server was in English, that didn’t necessarily mean that players had were able to speak it. In fact, Yuuri was sure that most couldn’t speak more than a few sentences or words of basic conversations.

 

(Yuuri was lucky enough that his parents had exposed him to the language early on due to the amount of foreigners that would come to the inn. Not to mention, he had studied English even more intensely after he decided to compete in the competitive circuit of figure skating.)

 

But even if a player could barely understand English, the system was made so that if you hover over or hold an option on the menu for five seconds then it will give a brief summary of the icon in standard Japanese. No English knowledge--written or otherwise--was required.

 

Which was why Yuuri found it strange that a player chose to speak it at all.

 

Investigating, Yuuri’s gaze fell on a player around the same age of his own avatar--18 years old--and stood a few inches below his own height. He had golden tan skin--a color that Yuuri had never seen outside of the occasional foreigner at Yu-topia Akatsuki. (It was much too cloudy and cold year round for the locals to get more than a light tan even during the sunny summer season.) The young man’s hair was bleached white--very similar to Yuuri’s own--which he found rather interesting. It was not a common choice of hair color as it stood out very easily on the fields.

 

Kirito had found it very helpful and amusing.

 

_(“It’s so easy to find you like this. You’re like a light bulb. Ya just can’t miss it.”_

 

 _At first, Yuuri had thought Kirito was complimenting the color. He later realized--as he ran away from the monsters that hunted by sight--that Kirito was simply thinking of using his hair as_ **_bait_ ** _._

 

_He felt righteous indignation for himself (and his idol) and was only too happy to shove Kirito into the next river they had come across.)_

 

Resurfacing from his memories, Yuuri watched as the excited player zoomed around the plaza, using the **[Screenshot]** ability on the menu to take various pictures of the sights around him, all the while letting out random strings of English and another language that Yuuri could not identify.

 

The passionate person had stopped and was attempting to get a clean picture of the tile mosaic on the facade of a random restaurant. He was having difficulty because he could not back up enough in the narrow street to get a good angle on the artwork.

 

“Aww~it's too big. Can’t fit it all on the screen.”

 

He sounded so sad and disappointed, his shoulder falling and head hanging, that Yuuri was unfortunately reminded of a dog with drooping ears and tail. The image of the man with a dog’s tail and ears was enough for him to let out a small, breathy chuckle that he immediately cut off for fear of being discovered watching. Yuuri didn’t think that he was loud enough to be heard but the players must have very good hearing as he still paused and turned toward him.

 

 _Sh-shit! He is going to think I was laughing at him! Cover, cover!_ He thinks frantically.

 

“S-sorry. I was not laughing at you. Your _ex-exist-excite-..._ happiness was nice to see. Very funny and amusing to watch someone have so much fun.”

 

Well...Yuuri never claimed that his spoken English was great and it only got worse when he was nervous and actually had to use it to communicate with someone.

 

_(Great, could you be any weirder? And I don’t think you mangled that sentence enough. Want to try again? Maybe this time bite your tongue to make it sound even worse?)_

 

The boy was looking at him with large black eyes and blinked them rapidly as he processed what Yuuri had said. “You understand me? You speak English?”

 

“A-ah! Yes, I speak English. Enough to talk, at least.”

 

“That great!” The player was visible vibrating with happiness as he zoomed over to where Yuuri was standing still as a statue, a large smile resting on an open and inviting face. “This is my first game so I have no idea what I am supposed to do, but everything is so beautiful and I just want to take pictures of everything, but I was afraid that there would not be anyone here who would understand me! Especially someone my age! Umm...well, maybe my age, people can change to be older or younger here, right? But still! Yay! We can talk! Oh!”

 

The boy steps back from where he had been gradually leaning into Yuuri’s personal space only to straighten and make a quick, semi-formal bow.

 

“Sorry, bad manners. My name is Agni. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

 

“A-ah...same,” Yuuri sketches his own short bow--far more formal and stiff. “Nice to meet you, my name is Ryuu.”

 

Yuuri has a polite smile on his face, born from hours and hours of catering to customers at his family inn. He hasn’t managed the levels of sheer warmth that his mother and father can achieve, but he can at least present a calm and pleasant external mask.

 

Internally, however, is a whole other story unfortunately.

 

 _(Did he breathe at all during that speech? I swear he didn’t take a single breath. And how can someone be this friendly and talkative to someone they just met? Even_ **_Yuuko_ ** _takes a while to get to this point after she meets someone new! What did he even say? He was speaking so fast, I don’t know if I understood everything. Though that might not be all my fault since his accent started slipping halfway through...oh crap, he started speaking again-!)_

 

“So, Ryuu do you know if there is any way to take a better picture? I tried to take picture of this wall, but it wouldn’t fit in the frame,” Agni said with a petulant face, shoulders visibly drooping in remembrance, as he looked back at the mosaic that he failed to capture.

 

 _Why does he think that would know anything more about the game than he does?_ Yuuri wonders. _Not everyone who entered SAO is a frequent gamer, after all._

 

“I don’t know how to make the screen larger, but you could try entering one of these buildings and go somewhere higher to get a better angle.”

 

“You can do that?! Enter other buildings? I thought you could only go into places if you got permission or if you had a secret password or something. ‘Open Sesame!’ or something like that.”

 

_(...Where did he get that idea? Forget the weird logic, this isn’t even a magic game! Why would he think of Arabian Nights?)_

 

“Err...well, there are some places that you need permission to enter because they are hidden dungeons and personal...homes, but everything that you see here is something that you can...explore,” Yuuri intones haltingly. It was rather hard to translate his understanding of the mechanics of SAO into a different language, but now that he wasn’t exactly rushing, he could chose his words a bit more carefully and hopefully not sound like a complete idiot.

 

“Really? Then, Ryuu, do you know anywhere where I could go to get good view of this?”

 

Yuuri scrutinized the area around him thoughtfully for a moment before pointing to the kota brown brick tower on adjacent street connected to a nondescript and seemly empty outlet shop.

 

“That tower will let you see this whole street easily. Most people will not think that they can't enter it--since there are no doors, but that is because the...entrance is in the small red building next to it.”

 

“Cool, let’s go there then!”

 

_...‘Let’s’…?_

 

His train of thought could not go any further before Agni grabbed Yuuri’s hand and dragged the two of them through the slowly thinning crowds, across the street, and through the wooden, saloon doors of the small outlet. Once inside, Agni dropped Yuuri’s hand and raced toward the back of the store where the stairs leading up the tower revealed themselves. As he began his rapid ascent to the top of the structure, the words “picture, picture, picture~” resounded and echoed down to the dumbstruck and frazzled Yuuri on the bottom floor.

 

More than a little confused, Yuuri stood still in the desolate saloon as he tried to puzzle out what just happened. For one, the dark skinned player had nearly given Yuuri whiplash from how fast he had navigated through the crowd, almost seeming to teleport him from one side of the street to the next within the same breath. If he was telling the truth about this being his first game then Yuuri wouldn’t be surprised if this boy was an athlete in reality as well. (Maybe a runner of some sort…?)

 

But more importantly, Yuuri was curious as to why his fellow silver haired player brought him along for the ride.

 

Ascending the staircase himself--feeling that it would not be right to just leave without saying goodbye at least--Yuuri found himself fighting back laughter (and a bit of well-hidden panic) as he came across Agni once again, his head and upper body sticking far out of the street-facing window as he worked out how to adjust and zoom on the screenshot menu. A quick sidelong look at his face revealed a tongue poking out of his mouth in extreme concentration.

 

“Darn it, almost...got it- _There_! Ahaha! Take that! There is no picture that I cannot get!”

 

Agni returned to an upright standing position once again, staring at his menu window thoughtfully.

 

“Awwww...if only I could figure out how to take a selfie, too, then everything be perfect. Oh! Ryuu, you are here now! Do you know anywhere else to take good pictures? Any places that are _really_ amazing?”

 

“Why?” Yuuri can’t help asking.

 

_(Why does he want to spend more time with me? Doesn’t he realized that I am not a tour guide? Or that I am a terrible person to shop around with, that I am no fun?_

_Why? Why me?)_

 

“Why what?”

 

“Wha-oh!” Yuuri really needs to stop getting sidetracked here, no matter how confusing this guy is being. “Um...yeah, why do--Why do you want to take pictures!”

 

_(Yeah, that. Let’s go this that. A much less heavy and confusing topic.)_

 

“Why wouldn’t I? Look at all the beautiful and pretty things around!”

 

“No, I mean, yes I see them, but why do you want to do that _only_?” Yuuri tries to clarify, his English clearly failing him going by the confused face of the dark-skinned man. “Other players...want to shop or explore the fields or learn about Sword Art Online. You, only want to take pictures.”

 

“Oooo! Well that is because that’s what I came here to do!”

 

_...What?_

 

Yes, Yuuri knows that people all play games for their own reasons and he shouldn’t pry ( _he and Kirito both non-verbally agreed to never discussed their own reasons_ ), but to come into this virtual world just to take pictures of random things seems just a little strange.

 

“Ahh...That just made it more conpli-complex...confusing didn’t it?” Yuuri nods his head in agreement. “Okay...let’s see how to explain. So I am foreigner, not Japanese, but I have Japanese followers on my Twitter. When I post that I thought the world inside Sword Art Online must be very beautiful and that I want to see it, a fan in Japan said they will give theirs to me. Gamer sites online say it is possible to take pictures inside game, save on...NerveGear, then use in reality. I want my followers to see this world, too, so I will take lots of pictures to show everyone!”

 

Agni looks so animated and excited, arms spread wide, face open and smile bright like the sun shining through the window behind him.

 

Yuuri is struggling to grasp all of the facts of his explanation.

 

_(Who can just says online that he wants something and then the world just gives it to him? Who just gives away a NerveGear?! Is this real? Does this actually happen in reality? Am I being “Punk’d” or something?)_

 

“That is why I am so glad you are here, Ryuu,” Agni continues on, voice much quieter in that moment and so painfully sincere Yuuri can feel his heart slowly clench. “I thought that I might be alone here--that no one would even try to talk to me--so just the fact that you stopped, even if only for a second, made me very happy.”

 

…

 

That...how…

 

How can he just say something like that?

 

Objectively, Yuuri has always know that this is a virtual world; that the person he is in reality doesn’t have to exist here. That he can be anyone he wants in this alternate world and no one would look at him any different, expect him to _be_ any different. He can be strong and confident and reliable here and he loves that feeling. But just as he knows that, he also understand that it is fundamentally impossible for Yuuri to completely distance and separate himself from his own identity and become solely Ryuu.

 

Because Ryuu came from Yuuri. And for all they are the different, their fears, feelings, likes, and dreams are one and the same. Yuuri can wear the mask of Ryuu and become more confident, brave, and strong. But his heart has always been weak--scared of rejection and realities that he can’t bring himself to face.

 

As such, he never physically speaks his thoughts and feelings aloud. To do so, would make the words real, would put them into the world and give him no way to run from them anymore--no way to deny them.

 

So, to meet someone who can so openingly express what he feels with no shame or fear, Yuuri feels just a little jealous, but also a great deal in awe. He is caught flat-footed by this...genuity of emotion. Yes, he knows--both from Kirito’s explanations and his own experience--that it is much harder to hide your emotions and feelings here, but still, this admission by Agni seems just a little too raw and open for Yuuri.

 

It would be wiser to not trust this person that speaks such kind and heartfelt words so easily, especially when he does not know their intentions, but he can’t help but feel that Agni is not a bad person--a little too forward and open for Yuuri’s taste, but not bad. Instead, he feels humbled and a little unworthy of the small, grateful smile aimed his way, knowing that he did not do much of anything to deserve it.

 

 _(And maybe he is just imagining it, but the smile on Agni's is just a little sad and he tries hard to not to think of how_ **_lonely_ ** _the boy in front of him seems right now. He tries to convince himself that it is not solely because he sympathizes and_ **_knows_ ** _the look intimately from his days before Minako and Yuuko and Takeshi that he is about to offer something he will probably regret._

 

_..._

 

_It doesn’t work.)_

 

“Did you know there is way to take pictures with you in them?”

 

“There is?” Agni looks a little taken back by the re-routing of conversation, but a small light of something like hope and excitement is growing in his eyes.

 

“Yes, you have to set a timer. It is usually for when a player wants to take an image of a monster at a...certain moment, but still has to fight. It can be used to take picture of yourself, though.”

 

(Another random discover that Kirito and Yuuri can made in their Beta-days, but not something either of them really thought much of using. Neither found much use in taking pictures; much more focused on adventuring and fighting onward.)

 

“I’ll show you how to do it at the next stop,” Yuuri declares as he turns around and begins to walk down the steps of the tower.

 

“You-...Next stop?” Yuuri stops a few steps down and turns back toward Agni who has taken only a few small steps towards the staircase. His eyes are wide and his head is tilted slightly in confusion and Yuuri is once again reminded of a small animal.

 

_(This level of cuteness should be illegal! Or at least only reserved for puppies.)_

 

“Didn’t you want me to show you more places?”

 

“Yes, but...That is okay? With you?”

 

It is buried deep and well hidden, but Yuuri can hear it: uncertainty, doubt, _loneliness_. All of those emotions something that Yuuri is more than a little familiar with and so vastly different from the happy and excited boy that Yuuri first meet. And maybe he is stepping over his boundaries a bit, prying more than he ever normally would, but he wants to make this sad person disappear and the joyful one return.

 

So he summons forth what he fondly calls “The Yuuko in all of Us”--the ability to care about others and try to be selfless for _them_ \--and presses forth.

 

“It is no problem. Just for a little bit, though. I have some things to do later, but for now let’s go and act like two crazy tourists.”

 

Agni lights up in unsuppressed joy and laughter, large grin back on his face--the matter over and complete--as he bounds over to where Yuuri waits with his own half-smile spread across his own lips.

 

 _It just for a little while,_ Yuuri reassures himself. _I’ll send a quick message, show this guy around for a bit, then go and meet up with Kirito. I am sure everything will be fine._

 

~o~

 

**_(3:45 pm)_ **

Having sent a quick message to Kirito explaining that he had found someone he was going to briefly show around--( _“How did we both end up with protegees?”_ Kirito had jokingly lamented. _“It's like we have a sign on our foreheads saying ‘FREE ADVICE’ or something. This better not become a thing.”)_ \--Yuuri had wasted no time in showing Agni some of the more ornate and awe inspiring views of the **[Town of Beginnings]**.

 

As much as Yuuri and Kirito had gotten along, one thing that Kirito didn’t share with Yuuri was the desire to explore any of the cities they traveled to; he was much more interested in the fields and adventures to have outside. Since he was equally excited to travel and visit these new places--once he was sure that he wouldn’t die the moment he stepped one foot outside, that is--Yuuri didn’t mind much. But having Agni by his side, dragging him into countless shops and showing excitement over the smallest of things, Yuuri found himself very glad that he had stopped to talk with this person.

 

Agni was like a child--excitable and filled with endless energy, displaying an innate wonder and curiosity over anything and everything that shined brightly and stood still long enough for him to snap a picture. He liked to get up and personal with any statue or suit of armor he could find, often pulling Yuuri up beside him as he struck a pose mimicking the stone figures. When he felt himself getting tired, Agni wasted no time in finding a fountain, kicking off his shoes, and running around inside of the cool water.

 

(If Yuuri joined him after he had received a rather large amount of water to his face, well, that’s no one's concern but his own.)

 

It was ridiculous and childish, but Yuuri was enjoying himself immensely. A bit of childhood nostalgia and carefree fun that he can only sparsely remember from early summer days with Mari and his parents, running along the pier and playing with fireworks on the sandy beach at night.

 

He only has a little more time with Agni--he promised that he would meet up with Kirito at 5:40, when his own “student” would have already returned to reality. But he felt like there was so much more he could show his current companion, something that he would appreciate so much more.

 

He knew the fields to the east of the city were the easiest, and while it did not have monsters worth very much experience or money, Yuuri thinks that the view there is one of the best to see the entire city and it’s surrounding fields.

 

Now it was just a matter of convincing Agni to come with him.

 

~o~

 

**_(5:15 pm)_ **

It was actually fairly easy to persuade Agni to follow him to the fields once he mentioned the possible things he would see-- _(“Magical waterfalls, ghost lights, and upside down mountains? What are we waiting for?! Let’s go!”)._ Yuuri might have exaggerated a bit about the sights--he didn’t quite know the words to describe the asymmetrical plateaus that defy gravity and take your breath away, the crescent moon lanterns that light up the horizon like earthbound stars, or the sight of the misty fresh water spray from waterfalls carrying across the peach colored sky and creating long arching rays of color--but Agni didn’t seem too disappointed.

 

It had been touch and go in the beginning while Yuuri taught Agni the basics of how to use the **[Sword Skills]** and defend himself, but Agni showed rather quick reflexes and learned the movements easily--(again, Yuuri feels that more than likely Agni has some training in reality that he is subconsciously applying here).

 

The two of them had progressed through the fields gradually, seeing a few players here and there as they struggled to get the sword skills to work. On more than one occasion, Yuuri had witnessed some players overestimate themselves and get sent back to the revival point in town. While the scenes of other players running around like headless chickens afterwards reminded him fondly of his various days in the fields with Kirito, Yuuri was very grateful that he had thought to buy **[recovery potions]** before the two of them had entered the field. Especially when Agni tried to take pictures of himself riding a **[Frenzy Boar]**.

 

 _(“It will be easy: I sneak up behind, jump on, then you take a picture as I ride like a Western cowboy! Okay, ready_ set _go~!”_

 

_“W-wait! I didn’t say yes!-no, quick get off of the Boar before!-Ahhh!! Dodge, dodge, dodge-!”)_

 

It hadn’t ended well--even if Agni had managed to get the picture in the end--and Yuuri feels like he might have lost a few years off his life when Agni then suggested--rather seriously--jumping through the waterfalls that cascaded over the edges of the various plateaus.

 

 _(“This is the bottom floor of a floating castle. Where do you think the water goes?!”_ Yuuri had incredulously asked.)

 

He made a mental note that should Kirito and Agni ever meet they must not be given the chance to make any sort of plan together. The world--and his sanity--might not survive the encounter.

 

But overall, Yuuri had fun. Agni got his pictures for his blog-diary-thing--( _“It’s a_ **_Tumblr_ ** _page!_ **_How_ ** _do you not know about these? Do you live under a rock?! How have you survived this long without one?!”_ )--and Yuuri got to slowly appreciate and re-familiarize himself with the world that he had not seen in months.

 

Truth be told, Yuuri was worried about many things. He was afraid that when he met up with Kirito again, he would freak out or wouldn't be able to summon the personality of Ryuu from deep in his soul. Scared that when faced with his friend, he would not be the same as he once was. But now, he is confident enough to face him, confident that he can become Ryuu again and one day will be able to take some of Ryuu with him back to reality, back to Yuuri. He is ready to begin his journey again.

 

“Ryuu,” came Agni’s quiet voice next to him as he raised his arm and pointed off into the distant sky. “What are those?”

 

They were both resting on one of the city-facing slopes at the very edge of the East Fields. As the sun was already starting to set on the distant Western horizon, the breeze that rustled their clothes and hair was brisk and chilly. The scenery around them was dyed orange and red with along with the sunset, but the sky above them was already darkening, the first constellations of the night sky beginning to peek through and emerge like scattered paint drops on a dark crimson and violet canvas.

 

Following Agni’s line of sight, Yuuri could see nothing but the sunset and the clouds that filled the sky. Assuming that the clouds were not what Agni was looking at, Yuuri focused harder and could just make out three dark shadows flying just below the clouds. At first, he presumed that they were nothing more than a few birds, but after remembering their distance and glimpsing what he can only guess was the glimmer of scales, Yuuri retracted that belief.

 

“Dragons...they’re dragons…” Yuuri announces in disbelief and awe as he now recognized the figures of his namesake. He didn’t know that this game would have the mythological titans--the beta-tester never having encountered any as they cleared the fields up to the 11th floor--but he feels like maybe he should have realized that there would be eventually.

 

Obviously, you were not meant to fight them now--they must be flying at least 10,000 meters in the air right now and they are still climbing--but...maybe someday. On a floor higher than he ever reached before--when he was more capable and strong--he would be able to face one. Face one and win. Right now, that were nothing more than a distant goal--just like the soaring avions before him--but someday, surely.

 

“Wow...It must be so nice to fly like that.” Agni was watching the flight of the three dragons with wistful and dreamy eyes, his and now raised and open towards the sight, no longer pointing, but reaching instead. “Nothing to hold you down, free to go anywhere you want, but always together with friends. Free and happy.”

 

Yuuri blinked.

 

He hadn’t thought about it that way. Yes, he still wanted to face one of the dragons eventually--(‘ _Faaaar in the future’_ he adds mentally)--but looking back at them, there is something to be said about the way that they fly so uncaring of the world around them. Rising against gravity--denying its right on their being--and moving forward relentlessly--neither rushing nor pacing themselves. They are strong, and they know it. Just as they know they are stronger together. The world holds no chains on them and they face the unknown--the endless sky above them--without a care in the world.

 

Yuuri finds himself gently smiling as he finally watches them pass out of sight. ‘ _To be like them, to be free and happy, is a nice dream.’_

 

He hears a exhalation of air next to him as Agni slowly rises to his feet.

 

“Well, it is growing late and you need to meet with your friend still. Should we go back now?”

 

Yuuri opens his menu and sees that a little more than 10 minutes has passed. He has just enough time to leave and meet up with Kirito.

 

“Yeah, it’s almost time for me to meet him,” Yuuri agrees. Despite his earlier reservations, he is seriously considering asking Agni to come with him to meet with Kirito. But he knows that by now Kirito will want to go and try some of the more difficult quests and Agni probably won’t be able to keep up despite the his natural swiftness and quick mastery of the basics. Yuuri also doesn’t know if Agni would even want to come with him in the first place. He might even have been waiting for Yuuri to leave so that he could logout without seeming rude.

 

“Then let’s go,” Agni says as he turns and begins walking towards the **[Town of Beginnings]**. “I will walk with you until the end of the city.”

 

“A-ah you don’t have to. We can go different ways now. If you want to,” Yuuri adds on quickly when Agni glances over his shoulder and gives Yuuri a _look._

 

Agni turns around and crosses his arms as he pouts, _pouts,_ at Yuuri even while slightly glowering.

 

“Well, I _don’t_ want to go different ways so we will walk together. Okay?”

 

“...O-okay.”

 

“Great!” Agni gives a cheeky grin that tickles Yuuri’s memories and vaguely reminds him of the cheshire cat smirk Minako-sensei wore whenever she succeeded in tricking Yuuri in someway.

 

He is still in deep contemplation--trying to understand what he missed before it is too late--as they walk towards the perimeter of the town, Agni chattering idly, when suddenly the bells in the clock tower begin to ring, louder than Yuuri ever remembers them being.

 

“That’s...strange. It’s only 5:30. I thought bells only ring at hour times. Is this how it is in Japan?” Agni asks.

 

“No, clocks work the same in Japan and in the game,” Yuuri distractedly answers as he looks at the fields and sky around him.

 

_Why are the clouds speeding up when there is no wind to move them?_

 

“Oh. Is it a--what did you call it?--an ‘event,’ then?”

 

“Not one that I know.”

 

_Nothing like this ever happened during the Beta. Nothing this big, at least._

 

( _But what is this? Where is this feeling of dread coming from? Why do I feel like I should be running away, right now, as fast as I can?)_

 

It was after the fifth bell tolled that Yuuri realized something he had missed.

 

 _The bell. Besides the bell, there is no sound. Not from the breeze, nor from the city. There was_ **_nothing._ **

 

He was going to say something--do something--even _scream_ if he had to, just to break the unwelcomed silence, but his voice was lost when his vision was filled with blue lights and flames as he was forcibly ripped from his location and whisked away.

 

~o~

 

**_(5:30 pm)_ **

As the blue flames died down, Yuuri was glad to hear the sound of the other players around him; nevermind the fact that he had no idea where he was at the moment and that the bell was still ringing in the background.

 

( _He wasn’t relieved or reassured by far though. The chilling dread and mounting fear was still very present at the back of his neck and the tip or his spine and he wants it_ **_gone_ ** _but he still doesn’t know where it is coming from-_ )

 

“Ryuu, are you listening to me?”

 

Agni’s worried face fills his vision and Yuuri belatedly realizes that he had been staring at the ground, immobile, for about a minute now.

 

“Sorry, what did you say?”

 

“I asked: what just happened? I thought you say there is no magic in the game? And why are we back in the middle of town?”

 

“I...I don't know, Agni.”

 

And isn’t that just _wonderful_ . He is already feeling uncomfortable with the situation--the ever growing crowd of players no longer bringing him any comfort but rather making him feel trapped like a mouse in a cage--and he can feel the beginnings of _panic_ blooming in his chest, filling his lungs, and he is having a much more difficult time suppressing it back down than he usually does when playing SAO.

 

(... _The bells finally stopped…_ )

 

“-at’s that?”

 

“ ‘Warning’...?”

 

“-does that even mean?”

 

“-kind of event, maybe?”

 

The scatter murmurs of the players around him prompt Yuuri to look up into the sky where a single floating red screen displays a single word:

 

**WARNING**

 

Suddenly the single screen multiplies, the sky above them being covered with panels--the words **SYSTEM ANNOUNCEMENT** and **WARNING** repeating over and over again in an endless cycle.

 

An endless sky of red covers the area above the square now.

 

From the cracks between the the panels, a crimson liquid dripped downward, but instead of falling upon the players, the bloody streams were collected to one spot--as if summoned by a magnetic force--and stopped just two stories above the crowd.

 

Freezing only for a moment, the floating pool of blood slowly began to rise and take the shape of a red hooded game master. The figure stood both large and imposing over the gathered people.

 

The black void where the entity’s face should have been considered the masses before it, but for some odd reason, it felt as if it was not looking at them at all. They--the players--could be faceless as well and it would not matter at all to this creature.

 

They were nothing but ants beneath stomping feet; lowly peasants before a king.

 

As he--for it was a male--began to speak, the tone of arrogance and self-assurance--complete control and dominance--did nothing to rid Yuuri of this impression.

 

(... _Nor would the words that would follow_ …)

 

“ **Attention, players. Welcome..to my world. My name is Kayaba Akihiko**.”

 

 _Kayaba...Akihiko...as in the_ creator _of SAO? The person that Kirito idolizes and has a major fan-crush on for being the ‘best programming and software genius to ever walk the face of the planet?’ That Kayaba?_

 

“ **As of this moment, I am the sole person who can control this world**.”

 

( _Isn’t that how it is supposed to be? He_ is _the developer of the game so that makes sense._

 

_…_

 

_Then why do these words seem much heavier than they should be. Like a blade raised and posed to take of my head?_

 

 _And wait, shouldn’t it be a_ **_team_ ** _of people that manage the system. Why is he say he is the sole person with the power-)_

 

“ **I am sure that some of you have already noticed that the logout button is missing from the main menu**.”

 

_(...What.)_

 

Yuuri snaps his hand down so fast in order to open his menu that he is sure that in reality he would have cracked his wrist, if not strained it. Sure enough, the familiar icon he is used to seeing at the bottom of his menu is not there.

 

Maybe that is why there is an announcement going on now. The programmers are just trying to reassure the players that nothing is wrong and-

 

“ **But this is not a defect in the game. I repeat...This is not a defect in the game**.”

 

( _...No…_ )

 

“ **It is a feature of Sword Art Online. You cannot logout of SAO yourselves. And no one on the outside can shut down or remove the NerveGear. Should this be attempted...the transmitter inside the NerveGear will emit a powerful microwave, destroying your brain and thus ending your life**.”

 

( _...Fear. Crushing and numbing fear in his veins. Flowing like icy fire. Stop. Stop it. Make it go away. Go away, go away, go awaygoawaygoAWAY--!)_

 

“ **Unfortunately, several players’ friends and families have ignored this warning, and have attempted to remove the NerveGear**.”

 

Screens upon screens appear beside the gigantic structure of the hooded Kayaba--circling him like halos of light. And on the screens: faces. Faces of players. News of tragedy and terror and a DEATH GAME. More faces, this time of crying men and women and children. Families--broken and scared and _grieving_.

 

“ **As a result, two hundred and thirteen players are gone forever, from both Aincrad and the real world**.”

 

(A memory.

 

 _Traveling through the fields with Kirito. He recklessly charges against a monster much too strong for him. He fails and shatters like glass before Yuuri’s eyes._ )

 

“ **As you can see, news organizations across the world are reporting all of this, including the deaths. Thus, you can assume that the danger of a NerveGear being removed is now minimal**.

 

“ **I hope you will relax and attempt to clear the game**.”

 

(Another memory.)

 

“ **But I want you to remember this clearly**.”

 

( _In the fields again, this time with a new friend--a bright smile, dark skin, and laughing eyes._

 

_The new players are reckless and clueless. They overestimate themselves and shatter into a million pixels of light._

 

 _Yuuri had smiled in fond remembrance._ )

 

“ **There is no longer any method to revive someone within the game. If your HP drops to zero, your avatar will be forever lost. And simultaneously, the NerveGear will destroy your brain**.”

 

( _...Those players never came back, did they?..._ )

 

Yuuri dimly registers it. The unnatural and eerie silence of the players around him as they now see and feel what Yuuri has since the bells first began to ring.

 

They didn’t want to believe any of this. So they denied and denied and denied and _denied_.

 

But they couldn’t change anything.

 

Because this was real.

 

So very, _painfully_ real.

 

“ **There is only one means of escape. To complete the game**.”

 

( _Impossible. It will take_ ** _years_** _. Years_ _of being trapped here. When--_ ** _if_** _I get out, it will be too late too-)_

 

“ **You are presently on Floor 1 of Aincrad: the _lowest_ floor. If you make your way through the dungeon and defeat the Floor Boss, you may advance to the next level**.”

 

A hologram of the once beautiful, but forever behemoth castle of Aincrad appears, a single bright line starts from the bottom floor and works its way to the very top where Yuuri dimly remembers once seeing a red and gold palace. Tracing the pathway of light with his eyes, it seems like the size of the floating death trap seems to extend and grow.

 

“ **Defeat the final boss on Floor 100, and you will clear the game**.”

 

“...Clear…?”

 

“--does that mean?”

 

“ _-don’t know either!_ ”

 

Newbies. Beginners. They don’t even know what ‘clear’ means.

 

And he expects us to beat the game?

 

...

 

( _How many will die before then?_ )

 

“ **Finally, I’ve added a present from me to your item storage. Please see for yourself**.”

 

On autopilot--and in probably one of the most foolish moments of his life--Yuuri listens to the words of the _madman_ above him and opens his storage to find a new item, **[Mirror]** , resting just below the mid-level potions he had bought early, back when everything was still just a game and everything was bright and fun.

 

The memory now mocks Yuuri and he quickly locks it away.

 

He selects the item, he grabs the small, rectangular mirror that appears in front of him. The sky-blue eyes and snow-silver hair of Ryuu is all that greets him. He can just make out the beginning of horror and dread on the features of his avatar when there is a mass of screaming and flashes of blue fire at the corners of his vision. He briefly looks up to see what is going on before he is once again covered bright, cold flames. He tightly closes his eyes to block out the intense light.

 

“--hat the hell is this?!”

 

“No!”

 

“What is going on-!”

 

“-y do I look like this-?!”

 

The intense brightness fading, Yuuri looks around and sees that the players around him look slightly different than they did before. He can feel himself shaking, roughly and without reason as he looks back down at the mirror still held in this hands.

 

Even with the quivering image Yuuri can clearly make out everything: standard black hair, dull brown eyes, a plain, chubby face. It is not Ryuu anymore--just Yuuri--and there is no hiding the dread and terror on his face anymore. There is nothing to hide behind at all anymore.

 

There is only reality and all it’s terrible, awful truths.

 

( _No...no, no, nonononono-I came here to run. To escape. To learn to be a different me, how can I do that if I have to be Yuuri? Oh God, why?_ )

 

“ **Right now, you’re probably wondering, ‘Why? Why would Kayaba Akihiko, developer of Sword Art Online and the NerveGear, do all this?’** ”

 

( _Why did I try to change? Why did I come here? Just to die?_ )

 

“ **My goal has already been achieved. I created Sword Art Online for one reason...To create this world and intervene in it. And now, it is complete**.”

 

Black and red smoke began to emit from Kayaba’s holographic form as he seemed to waver and deflate in a manner not unlike a circus tent does when the show is over.

 

( _Fun time is over~ Time to wake up and face reality~!)_

 

“ **This ends the tutorial for the official Sword Art Online launch. Good luck, players**.”

 

The specter collapses and disappears, pieces rising and being reabsorbed by the very same panels that first let fall the ruby blood. The crimson dome covering the sky disappears almost instantly, the sunset sky once more painting the town in warm shades of orange and yellow.

 

( _Yuuri only feels cold._ )

 

Silence falls and last as the players gape and stare at the sky, waiting for the punchline to drop--clinging to their last bit of hope. Praying that Kayaba will return, that _someone_ will appear and say this as all a joke.

 

Only a silent sky answers them.

 

Only Yuuri’s reflection stares at back at him from the depths of the mirror as he continues to hope--futilely-- that if he looks long enough, the result will be different.

 

It doesn’t change. The silence slowly is suffocating him.

 

He falls to his knees.

 

Someone screams.

 

And pandemonium erupts around him. Players yelling denials and pleas in anger and in desperation. Some are pressing forward toward the center of the square, as if reaching the point below where Kayaba disappeared will make it so he can hear them better. Others are pointing at the sky and shouting at the top of their lungs, a few going as far as to throw their _cursed_ mirrors into the air in order to get his attention--to get any kind of response at all.

 

It is loud and crowded and the world is shaking and crumbling beneath Yuuri. He wants to be swallowed up by the ground, he wants to disappear. He wants the comfort of his home--of his kind mother, joyful father, and steadfast Mari-nee. He wants the shelter of his bed and covers and the presence of Vicchan next to him as he waits for this fit to pass, for his breath to return and for his eyes to focus again.

 

He wants the cold. Not the mind and soul-numbing chill that he is suffering right now, but the cold, fresh air of the ice rink. The sound of blades cutting through a frozen lake as he dances, the chorus of music that blocks out the world and lets him _breathe._

 

But more than anything, he wants those _eyes_ to stop staring at him. His own eyes.

 

Many have said before that ‘Eyes are the windows to the soul.’

 

All Yuuri sees in his own is desperation, resignation, fear, panic, tears, **anxiety** _self-hate_ D R E A D-

 

( _...help…_ )

 

-and he doesn’t want to see it--doesn’t want to acknowledge it. But his mask was ripped away--leaving him nowhere to hide--and Yuuri finds himself incapable of shifting his gaze from the trembling mirror held in a white-knuckled grip.

 

He wants to scream.

 

(... _please...someone…_ )

 

Instead, Yuuri can feel himself slowly shutting down--vision darkening and sounds becoming increasingly muffled and muted. His sense of touch is leaving his limbs and he is disturbed by the lack of feeling he has from the quick rise and fall of his own chest that he can see in is peripheral.

 

( _...help...me…_ )

 

He is sinking, falling far back into himself, but he is _fighting_ it with all his might. If he regresses--if he let’s himself collapses here--who knows when he will regain the ability to function again. And he can’t afford that, not now maybe not ever again.

 

( _...C’mon...move…do something, anything-_ )

 

He know this. _He_ **_knows_ ** _this._

 

But his own strength is not nearly enough--( _he is never enough_ )--and he is crashing and falling down, down, down. The lights are going out and _Yuuri finally gives up and lets the shadows win_ -

 

**New message from:**

**[KIRITO]**

**Open?**

**Yes** **No**

 

A light--small and inconspicuous--appears at the top corner of Yuuri’s dark world.

 

_...Kiri...to?_

 

( _A confident smirk. An unjudging heart. Friend. Familiar._ )

 

In the dimming world, Yuuri can see his hand moving and pressing the tiny icon.

 

 **< < KIRITO:** _I am going to the next town. The fields around the **[Town of Beginnings]** will be hunted clean soon. Come with me?_ **> >**

 

…

 

For all his former fight and determination, Yuuri finds himself hesitating.

 

(... _don’t go…Stay here, in darkness...)_

 

For all that there is no feeling, no sound, no _anything_ in Yuuri’s current state, there is also no emotions--no fear, no panic...nothing. If he tries to resurface, then he will be forced to confront all of that and who knows what will happen then. (Would it be worse? Would the pain _fear_ **_panic-_ ** hit him all at once like a sledgehammer? Or will it feel like a snake’s poison, gradually taking over and bringing him back down only twice as hard next time?)

 

It will hurt--he knows--to try and move right now. Instinctively, he feels like he should do what his body and mind clearly want right now--sleep and forget everything until later, when he can process it. He understands that he should not push himself in his present state. But…

 

( _Escape, run, Kirito, familiar, run, safety, run, friend, run, home, run runrunrun_ **_nownowNOW-_** )

 

...Yuuri is scrambling and falling to pieces and he needs something that is familiar, some form of comfort to replace all the securities and masks and the sense of _rightness in the world_ that he has so suddenly lost. He needs the stability that comes from the that comfort more than he needs sleep or time or _anything_ right now. And that comfort is…

 

...moving away. Is leaving and going farther and farther away from Yuuri.

 

( _Get up. Get up right now. Move. MOVE MOVE_ **_now. Right NOW-!_** )

 

With Herculean effort, he locks away everything he is afraid to face, pushes it _downdowndown_ to a deep, dark corner of his soul ( _dangerously_ ) close to his heart until he is able to deal with it later--( _later, never what does it matter?_ )--and focuses on the small light of the message window in front of him. He follows the light, hones his attention and does not let it stray even for a moment and he watches as his world refocus as sound begins to return and the crowd around him reappears from the darkness and hazy.

 

His world is still shaking, still unstable, but he has a destination and he will run to it right now before everything comes crashing down again-

 

His left arm is shaking much more than the rest of his body and it concerns him so against his better judgment he turns his gaze from Kirito’s message and looks at this arm to see-

 

 _Hands._ Small, caramel-skinned hands; shaking and trembling so much that Yuuri himself is shaking with the force.

 

Yuuri raises his eyes and meets the gaze of a black haired, dark brown eyed boy ( _child_ ). There are tears, so many tears falling from his large, frightened eyes.

 

“--Yuu, Ryuu, answer me-- _please_!”

 

Through the lifting hazy of his mind, a voice pierces through, strangely familiar but young, _so much younger_ than it was before and filled not with happiness and wonder, but confusion, hurt, and despair.

 

( _A bright grin like the sun._ )

 

An announcement made in _Japanese._

 

( _Eyes that sparkled and looked at everything with happiness and wonder._ )

 

A small, helpless child unable to understand the words of their captor, of the madman who has trapped them.

 

( _Joy found in the smallest things._ )

 

A raging crowd, angry and yelling refusals and denials at a specter that has long since disappeared, leaving them to their fate.

 

( _The desire for adventure, happiness, companionship-_ )

 

Yuuri--unresponsive and unmoving--suffering alone and uncaring of the world around him.

 

( _Agni._ )

 

He doesn’t think--doesn’t plan or say a word. Instead he grabs Agni’s hand in his own--ignores the frantic chanting he can hear of his own name coming from the boy’s mouth--and slips out of the mass of players as quietly and quickly as he can.

 

Yuuri drags the two of them through the deserted and shadow ridden buildings. The once magnificent and lively town seems more like a ghost city now for all that the structure are not the least bit ruined or destroyed. The life is gone, the fun is over. The Game has begun and the timer has started counting. How long will this last? How long can he survive? _How long before Yuuri_ **_dies_** _-_ -he tightens his grip on the small hand that rests in his own--uses it as an anchor--and _tears_ his mind from where it was going, focusing again on the road before him.

 

They need to get out. Out of this town, out of this place. Away, away. Far away. ( _But there is nowhere to run to except the fading beacon that even now moves farther and_ **_farther_ ** _away from Yuuri and-_ ) The road is expanding, the green of the fields lies before him and all there is to do is run _runRUN-_

 

“ ** _STOP!_** ”

 

He is suddenly yanked backwards, away for the fields and out of the single-minded focus he was trying to hard to keep. His breath is coming out in harsh and irregular burst, but that is not important right now because the fields are right there and _Agni is yelling at him--_

 

“ _Ryuu_ , why everyone _screaming_? What did flying person...thing speak? Why we look like this? _Why running?_ Where _are you_ **_running_** _? What is happening?!”_

 

Agni’s words are scattered, frantic, and scared; his grasp of the language faltering and his words becoming mismatched and random in their tense. Yuuri’s already crumbling mind has difficulty forming coherent thoughts let alone translating convoluted English into Japanese. Somehow he manages to get his brain working enough to string together some half-assed explanations.

 

“We are trapped here...the game...is a trap--a **_death_ ** game...we stay here...locked...until we clear-- _beat_ 100 levels...if we die here...we die in outside world too...I have a friend-- _waiting..._ in the next town. He knows more than I do. He is stronger than me and we need help and-- _wait_ do you _want_ to go with me?”

 

Yuuri hadn’t thought of anything beyond getting away--finding safety--and for whatever reason, the presence of Agni was taken for granted as well in that equation. The hand-- _(that he still held in a vice-grip)_ \--was grounding and real and everything Yuuri needed in that moment.

 

( _A child. You grabbed a child, intended to take them into a danger zone, and are_ **_using_ ** _them as a tool to help yourself. Selfish._ Failure _._ **_Worthless._ ** _S C U M-_ )

 

He hurriedly releases Agni’s hand.

 

( _The walls begin closing in--he ignores them.)_

 

“I am sorry I should have asked but I didn’t think and just _took you with me-!_ ”

 

The apology is rushed and panicked, but Yuuri doesn’t know what else _to do to make right what he has done-_

 

A smack hit him resoundingly over the left side of his head and Yuuri’s thoughts jerk to a stop as he is met with a stern face and hard eyes.

 

“Better?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Good. I don’t know how much I understand of this, but if you want to leave, then I want to go with you. I don’t want to go back to the screaming place. I know no one else. There is...no one there for me.”

 

“But-!”

 

“ _I want to go with you,”_ Agni repeats with a pointed glare up at Yuuri.

 

And Yuuri--Yuuri just reaches out and wraps the boy in a tight embrace. He doesn’t like physical contract very much, in fact, Yuuri finds that he is almost always uncomfortable if anyone is less than a few feet away from him. But he hugs Agni, because for all that the boy’s voice and face is steady and fierce Yuuri can see the constant tremble in his frame and can feel the tightly clenched fist that reach up automatically to grab the back of Yuuri’s shirt.

 

Yuuri can allow this much because Agni is scared and terrified too, but he is trying so hard to stay strong because _everything_ is **wrong** and Yuuri is falling to _pieces_ and his world is spinning wildly out of control and-- _he is_ **_ashamed._ **

 

He is ashamed that he can’t offer Agni anything, that he has no one to rely on except a failure like Yuuri.

 

He is ashamed that he is asking this kid to come with him across a battlefield.

 

Yuuri is **ashamed** because he can’t bring himself to regret it.

 

“ _Thank you,_ ” is all Yuuri can manages to say in return for Agni’s selfless response to his selfish plea.

 

( _He is so, so ashamed._ )

 

The message from Kirito is still open and waiting for an answer in front of him.

 

Would Kirito even want Yuuri to bring Agni along?

 

 **< < RYUU:** _There is a kid, with me. I can’t leave him here_ **> >**

 

( _What will Kirito say? Will he reject me now? Will he give up, now that I am nothing more than worthless, broken Yuuri? Is this_ **_the end-_** )

 

 **< < KIRITO: ** _Bring him_ **> >**

 

The answer comes almost immediately and was so simple and Yuuri could feel the breathe he was holding leave his lungs in relief.

 

Standing side-by-side now at the very edge of the **[Town of Beginnings]** , Yuuri and Agni face the empty fields before them. They know that their next steps are ones that cannot be taken back, that once they begin this march the will not be able to stop until they reach the end of the line. Whether the end is where Kirito waits for them or somewhere in between they do not know, but…

 

...But they have their heading--know their hopeful destination. All they need to do now is be brave and take the final steps into the new war zone that will be their new life from now on.

 

Yuuri takes one last deep breath. Then…

 

( _Once two, now three~ The souls have collided!~ The Legends they will be~ The Stories that will ring~ Are not for the faint of Heart!~ Take heed and be warned~ For this world of Death and Sorrow~ Will wreck you and break you~ And remake you anew!~)_

 

...he runs.


	2. Only Scratched the Surface

 

 **November 7:** **_(7:00 pm)_ **

 

Yuuri had been running for most of his life, and in more ways than one.

 

He would run to school when he was late, to Minako-sensei’s ballet studio when he needed to practice, and to the ice rink when he needed to breathe.

 

For training ( _and weight loss_ ) purposes, the distances Yuuri could travel would put track athletes to shame.

 

Yuuri would run along the beach and through the mountain trails beside the temple for fun--his faithful and furry companion always beside him in the more recent years.

 

He has run in fear and shame--eyes burning from unshed tears--when his childhood tormentors’ words got to be too much and he had to get away.

 

Thanks to his days in the Beta-test, he even had experience running for his ( _virtual_ ) life from hordes of monsters.

 

Once he had decided on his dream, Yuuri had run forth headlong and stubborn, doing anything and everything he could to get one step closer.

 

When he couldn’t face the reality of his failure at his first competition, Yuuri did what he always knew best--he ran, tried to escape and go somewhere better, bringing himself to the doors of Sword Art Online.

 

Needless to say, Yuuri knew how to run, knew what it felt like to run until you couldn’t breathe and your lungs and throat felt like they were bleeding from being worn raw by the air that you forced yourself to inhale. Yuuri was intimately familiar with the strain on your joints and the ache in your feet, but more importantly, he knew how his heartbeat would sound and knew how the running usually numbed everything, including the mind.

 

So Yuuri can confidently say that none of his past experienced could have at all prepared him for the intensity and stress that accompanied his desperate dash across the first floor of his newfound prison--Agni never more than a few paces behind him.

 

Yuuri followed the path that his map had laid out for him--the one that he remembers exploring with Kirito--and he was able to dispatch the monsters that appeared in his way (only occasionally letting some of the weaker past him to reach Agni as he took out the more obvious threats). He was able to keep moving forward, but that was about all he could say about himself that was even vaguely--barely--positive at the moment.

 

His mind kept flashing through a hazy equilibrium: not focusing _enough_ on the world around him and focusing _too much_ on things that were not there. Every monster that appeared before Yuuri would trigger a mental reboot that had him stumbling through memories and fears and uncertainty. _(Is this real? Am I in the fields with Kirito again?_ **_Can’t you hear him running behind you--_ ** _wait, no that is Agni. New friend. We are playing in the fields together--_ **_You are NOT in a game! Those things_ ** **will** **_kill you--_ ** _Run run run--To where?_ **_Who cares?!_ ** _...Where am I-?)_

 

A strange mixture of biting numbness and icy-hot pain filled his body and pumped through his virtual veins. _(Real now, this body is me now. F A K E!_ **_This is not me-!_ ** _)_

 

In the Beta-test, Yuuri could ignore the feeling of dulled (and sometimes nonexistent) pain--could shove it to the back of his mind with the acceptable explanation that this was a game so it was normal. The knowledge that he shouldn’t be able to run non-stop at the same breakneck pace for as long as they have been running _(minutes, hours, days, eternities-)_ easily fit within the convenient folder he had formed in his brain once fondly labeled: “Game Logic/Don’t question it.”

 

But that all means very little to Yuuri at the moment because he wanted those feelings back very much right now. A sensation that would ground him, would remind him that his feet are indeed on the ground and the world is not shattering and falling to pieces.

 

 _He is floating away, piece-by-piece_ **_(there is no pain, everything is E M P T Y-!)_ ** _, No he is sinking, inch-by-inch_ **_(it’s dark and quiet and S U F F O C A T I N G-!)_ **

 

Only two things were keeping Yuuri going and allowing him to focus on the here and now: Agni’s continuous footsteps behind him--serving to remind him of the duty he had placed on his own shoulders and providing a constant and non-threatening anchor to focus on, a steady beat to follow--and the falling sun in front of him, marking the path that would lead Yuuri and Agni to the next town where, hopefully, they would find Kirito and some measure of safety.

 

 _Just a little further,_ Yuuri repeated in his mind. _Just a little more, than you can collapse. A couple more steps, a few more minutes, and then you can relax. Keep moving. Don’t stop, not even for a single second. Don’t think about anything else. Just hold on. You’re not safe yet._

 

The words looped over and over again in his mind, a silent mantra to keep Yuuri advancing through the fields towards **[Horunka Village]**.

 

After what seemed like an eternity and 32 **[Frenzy Boar]** and 8 **[Dire Wolves]** \-- _(yes, Yuuri counted; it gave his mind something discrete and finite to focus on)_ \--the faint silhouette of the small town came into focus. The sight only hastened their already marathon worthy pace and pushed them even more beyond what should have been physical limits.

 

( _But it can’t be a physical limit because this isn’t_ really _you, not your_ **_real_ ** _physical body and this is all_ **_fake_ ** _just like you are_ **_fake now, too--_ ** _Stop, don’t think about it. Focus. 400 more steps, 399 more steps, 398 more steps, then you can let go. Don’t stop--_ )

 

It was only upon arriving at the very edge of the village that Yuuri allowed the first vestiges of his inner turmoil to reach the surface, let slip the fragile mask of control that he had worn during this brief ( _long, too_ **_long_ ** ) journey. The sun was nearly set--only barely lighting up the sky now--but it was only now that he realized that he has no idea where to meet Kirito.

 

Should he go to the inn in the town? Is the inn in the same place? Should he wait in the front of the town? But Kirito should already be there since he left long before him so should he look around instead? So many options--so much to consider--and each thought is only making Yuuri’s heart rate pick up and race again.

 

The two of them have stopped now, standing just at the edge of the village. Now that he was no longer moving, Yuuri could physically feel his worries and repressed emotions stirring beneath his skin and rising to the forefront. He didn’t know where to go from here--didn’t know where he should go next--and really this was such a small concern, but _Yuuri was scared and felt alone and stranded at sea and he didn’t_ **_know where Kirito is--!_ **

 

His breath was coming in shaky bursts as his eyes wildly scanned his surroundings. He could feel Agni next to him--trying to get his attention somehow--but everything was speeding up and slowing down again and _Yuuri just wanted to let it all out-!_

 

He heard a voice as the darkness creeps in again and just managed to lift his gaze from the floor in front of him--( _When did he fall to his knees-?)_

 

There was a dark silhouette of a person running towards him, the setting sun behind them making it impossible to discern anything beyond the general shape and size of the figure. The person was yelling, possibly a name, but Yuuri was almost fully gone and submerged in his mind now and can't make out what they were saying.

 

( _Where was Kirito? Why wasn't he here? Did I miss him or something? Did something happen? ...did he...not make it? Is he gone? Am I alone now? I have to get through this on my_ **_own?_ ** _No, no, I can't. I can’t do it. I’ll die. I am going to die. Nononopleaseno_ **_nonono_ ** \--)

 

The darkness was crushing and inviting all at once and Yuuri could feel himself sinking rapidly again. The world was gone along with the sounds and there was nothing. Nothing in his mind and nothing around him.

 

He fell--shattered and scared and oh so tired. His mind descended into chilling darkness and welcomed silence.

 

At least, this darkness was known.

 

Here, there was nothing.

 

...

 

Hands.

 

On his arms and shoulders, shaking him _(confining him-)_ . He tried to fight back, his arms tensing and swinging about in jerking moments. He had to get away, had to move. Had to _find_ something.

 

_...What was it he was trying to find again…?_

 

He feels himself being dragged somewhere but he can’t see anything and he _doesn’t want to_ **_go-_ **

 

“ _-it’s okay-! -afe. You hear me? Safe-! Pl--se...reathe…”_

 

A voice.

 

One that he felt he should know, should recognize. But the words were disjointed and the voice sounded just the slightest bit off, almost as if he was hearing it on a phone that’s submerged in deep and murky water. It would certainly explain the immense pressure that he felt in his lungs and head. _(He had heard once, long ago, that death by drowning was one of the worst ways to die because it would feel as if your chest is being crushed by a mallet and blown up like a balloon at the exact same time..._ **_Was he drowning?_ ** _)_

 

“ _-yuu. C’mon...Ryuu-!”_

 

Over and over again the reverberating voice called ‘ _Ryuu Ryuu Ryuu,’_ but he had no idea _why_?

 

_(What does a dragon have to do with anything...?)_

 

It took him a few moments to recognize that the voice is calling _him_ ‘Ryuu.’ But that’s not his name. Right? Right. He would know if that was really his name. The name may ring very distant bells but that doesn’t mean anything. After all his name was...is-

 

(Steaming homemade meals and even warmer embraces. The pull of muscles as the wooden floor passes beneath him when he moved. Laughter and teasing taunts as the sound of sliced ice and feeling of a cold breeze reached up to caress his face.

 

_The flash of silver dashing across a frozen lake._

 

A brown bundle of fluffy curls and endless comfort that shadowed his steps and curled up beside him on his bed. Nervous energy turned into crushing despair. Darkness. F E A R--)

 

_Right, I am Yuuri. Just plain, old failure Katsuki Yuuri--_

 

(An escape. A game--a new world. Hope. Friendship. Excitement. The rekindled desire to rise and try to live once more. Battles and fun and steely flashes of metal. The promise and anticipation--)

 

_But, Yuuri is also Ryuu...? No, wait--!_

 

 _(_ **_‘...I want you to remember this clearly…’_ ** _)_

 

A dark horror--a fatal turn in the narrative of his life.

 

**_(‘--If your HP drops to zero, your avatar will be forever lost--the NerveGear ...destroy your brain--There is only one means of escape...complete the game...Good luck, players--’)_ **

 

Death game. Fear, panic, and pain. Running and running and _running--_ Kirito. Agni. Two beacons in this new chaotic sea that had swallowed him. He needed to get up. Either as Yuuri or Ryuu-- _it doesn’t matter, not now just get up get up_ **_get up_ ** _\--_

 

The call was still there--just at the edge of subconscious and conscious thought--and he struggled and swam blindly towards the distinctly _two_ voices now. He could feel the sludge and tar of his thoughts and emotions _clawing_ and _grabbing_ at him, but he persevered and _finally--_

 

~o~

 

It was dark around Yuuri, though at the same time, it was nearly like looking directly at the sun compared to the place he had been inhibiting. The sun had finally set and only lingering sunlight from the horizon and randomly placed lanterns in the small town lit the area around him.

 

He was not where he last remembered being. Instead, his back was pressed against the cooling stones in an out of the way alley, one leg propped up and held against his chest, the other spread out limply in front of him. Both of his arms rested at his sides and were held tightly in the grasps of others.

 

Lifting his head to finally acknowledge the presences in front of him, Yuuri was greeted with the sight of Agni on his left and another unfamiliar player on his right. The boy had long, shaggy black hair and dark gray eyes set in a small, pretty face. He appeared to be around the same age as Yuuri. Despite not recognizing the boy, Yuuri found some similarities and features that remind him of someone.

 

“Ryuu!”  “ _/Ryuu!/_ ”

 

They both seemed to realize that Yuuri was back from whatever trance and fear-induced state he was in before. Their faces and forms slacked in relief before the familiar-stranger stiffened once more, focusing intensely on Yuuri face.

 

“Are you okay? Are you back now? I thought you were poisoned or the game was glitching or something,” he stated in obvious concern and Yuuri abruptly recognized the tone, despite the newfound youth in the voice.

 

“K-Kirito?” Because who else could it be? Who else beside Agni and Kirito would know to call Yuuri by that name?

 

( _Kirito is a kid, just a young boy like him. We’re all children. Why? Why are we here?_ **_Why is this happening?!_ ** **Why us?!** )

 

“Right, its me. And you’re Ryuu,” Kirito seemed to be asking for a confirmation of some sort so Yuuri nodded back, unable to raise his voice right now as he mentally placed more and more locks on his thoughts from before. “I saw you coming and came to meet you at the front of the town, but then you collapsed. Nothing I said got through to you and you weren’t responding either. It was like you avatar went offline or something. Do you remember that?”

 

Yuuri did indeed remember floating in darkness and fear and _pain_ and would very much not like to think about it anymore. ( _Did Kirito not see how hard Yuuri was trying to distract himself from his own mind?_ )

 

“...Ryuu?” A hesitant and slightly scared voice from his left called out. _Agni._

 

Grateful for the chance to distract himself, Yuuri turned to the dark skinned child and focused on translating his words to English.

 

_“/Sorry, Agni. Are you alright?/”_

 

Agni’s face shifted to incredulous for a moment before giving a shaky smile. _“/I should be asking you that. Are you better now?/”_

 

Yuuri smiled and nodded in the affirmative and wondered how it must have looked to Agni, his collapse that is. Another spike of shame pierced through Yuuri.

 

 _I should have been protecting him, not making him feel even more afraid,_ Yuuri thought even as he consoled himself with the cold comfort that at least he had gotten them to the **[Horunka Village]** before he had his meltdown.

 

“Umm...What’s going on? Why are you speaking in English?” Yuuri blinked and looked back and forth between the two players, only now realizing that the problem that he had not foreseen in the chaos of the last few hours. He introduced the two in Japanese and English and explained the situation to Kirito, silently hoping that he will see _why_ he could not leave Agni behind in that place, why he _needed_ him to cross the battlefield. (Yuuri also secretly prayed to whatever God out there--that hadn’t abandoned the new and entirely unwilling inhabitants of this world--that Kirito knew English at all.)

 

Kirito was staring silently, brow slightly furrowed, as he contemplated and mulled over the new information. Finally he sighed.

 

“Only you, Ryuu,” he remarked with a small shake of his head and a tiny upward lift of his lips, before he turned to Agni, who had been watching the entire exchange silently.

 

 _(It was definitely Kirito’s smirk, he knew, but somehow it was too small and sad, too anemic and heavy to truly be the look that Yuuri remembered from the Beta. Idly, he wondered if he will ever see his true smile again...Will_ Yuuri _ever smile again?)_

 

Idly, he could hear a conversation taking place and he tuned back into reality in time to catch Kirito and Agni introducing themselves in English.

 

Now splitting his attention between the two of them, Kirito said, “ _/I understand English mostly, but not very good at talking. You speak for me. This okay?/_ ”

 

Well, at least that is one worry down. Kirito might have a very pronounced accent and spoke just a touch too slow, but it looked like he at least understood the basics of the language. Yuuri had no problem with translating so he agreed easily.

 

“ _/Okay./_ ”

 

“ _/Alright./”_

 

“Alright first, Ryuu. Are you good to move now?”

 

And just like that, all the emotions that Yuuri had been struggling with came flooding back to the forefront of his mind. All his incompetence and failings and _shame_. It was all that he could do, so Yuuri lowered his head in abject regret--so ashamed of his momentary lapse of control.

 

“Sorry…”

 

“Hey,” Yuuri felt a small rap against the top of his head and slowly raise his head to meet Kirito’s unrelenting and firm eyes. “I am not blaming you or anything. It's not your fault. If anything it's mine; I shouldn't have asked you to cross that field alone. I should have waited for you. Sorry, I messed up.” Kirito averted his eyes and spoke softly, voices riddled with guilt. “We can separate here, if you want-”

 

“No!”

 

Why is Kirito apologizing? Why is he leaving? ( _Why does everything keep falling to pieces and leaving Yuuri behind?_ )

 

“No,” Yuuri repeats. “You did nothing wrong. Sorry...” _(It was me; it’s always me.)_

 

Yuuri felt Kirito staring at him so now it was his turn to averts his eyes. He did not shift his eyes from his tightly clasped hands in front of him. Lightly, he feels a pressure on his left shoulder and realizes that Agni was now resting against the wall beside him and had started to lean against Yuuri in a form of comfort and a method to ground himself.

 

(He was equally happy and ashamed that Agni was there in that moment.)

 

There was a small exhale of air from Kirito as he rose to his feet.

 

“Well, let’s just agree to disagree and leave it at that, shall we?”

 

Yuuri tilted his head up when he hears the tell-tale ‘ _ping’_ of a system alert. In front of him sat a familiar message:

**Invite!**

**Kirito has invited you to join his party!**

**Do you accept?**

**Accept             Decline**

 

A quick glance to the left revealed that Agni had the same message hovering before him. Peering up through his fringe, he was greeted by the sight of crinkled eyes and a smirk-- _Kirito’s_ smirk, no matter how lacking it may seem in comparison to the one that Yuuri had spent his summer memorizing.

 

But there was no way Yuuri could imagine it not being broken in someway, not with everything spinning so out of control. They were going to break, Yuuri knew. Maybe not here and maybe not know, but one day, for sure. With this knowledge, Yuuri could once again hear the voice in his head speaking words of false comforts and pleads to hide away and wait for the world to _make sense again_ -

 

But as it stood, Kirito was beginning to pick up the pieces of himself and starting to move forward. He didn’t know where this road will take him--what trials he would be forced to face going forward--but Yuuri refused to be left behind, not here, not now.

 

He accepts.

 

“Alright then, let’s go.”

 

~o~

**_(9:00pm)_ **

The quest they were about to attempt was called the **[Secret Medicine of the Forest]** . Once it was completed, the quest would reward an item called the **[Anneal Blade]** \--a one-handed sword that would allow up to eight enhancements over time, making it one of if not the best sword that a player can obtain on the beginning floors.

 

The process to acquire the blade was simply enough: Enter a specific building in **[Horunka Village]** , accept a glass of water from the Mistress in charge, offer to help cure her sick child in exchange for a ‘priceless family heirloom,’ then head west to the forest and obtain the item called the **[Little Nepenthes’s Ovule]** by defeating a monster called **[Little Nepenthes]** , and finally return the item to the Mistress who will give you the blade as the reward. Simple, straightforward, and completely doable. That is until you learn about the the rest of the quest.

 

First off, they would be doing the quest at night in an ominous and dark forest and the monsters themselves were _plants_ so they blended in when they weren’t moving or actively trying to kill you. Also, if you took too long to defeat the **[Nepenthes]** in front of you, one of the plant monsters would develop a ‘seed’ on top of their head that when destroyed would call in backup, completely surrounding and overwhelming the players. And finally--as Kirito had hypothesised in the Beta--the flower that rested upon the Little Nepenthes head--that represented the _possibility_ of the desired item appearing--only had a paltry appearance rate of about 20%. You could hack away at the monsters all night, destroying rotting plant after rotting plant and _never_ see one of the flower wearing spawns.

 

Yuuri would freely admit that on one of his more adventurous ( _and stupid_ ) days, Beta-test Yuuri and Kirito would have gladly taken such a challenge for the sheer thrill of it-- _(Kirito was a game and adrenaline junkie at best and Yuuri’s ego refused to let him lose. They became the unholy mixture of competitive stubbornness and reckless decisions. Truly, it was a recipe for disaster.)_

 

But that was neither here nor now and the challenge and fun of the situation was lost to both of them. There was only a mission now. One where failure meant death.

 

( _And it always would, from now on. After all, this was their life now, wasn’t it?_ )

 

So there the three of them were nearly two hours later, just three young boys walking through a forest in the dead of the night, attacking any **[Little Nepenthes]** they crossed paths with while slowly traveling deeper into the bowels of the forest. To Yuuri, the experience so far could be summarized as a ghastly combination of every Grimm’s Brother Fairy Tale--(‘ _Hansel and Gretel’ and ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ came to mind_ )--and those terribly nerve-wracking thriller/horror films that he was sometimes tricked into watching with Mari.

 

A part of Yuuri knew that as long as he didn’t panic he would have no issues dispatching a few monsters single-handedly. ( _He had done it before so he should be able to do it again, right?_ ) But the far larger portion of himself--the part that knew he was very _likely_ to panic if he found himself alone in this place--lacked such confidence and had him glancing over his shoulders obsessively, attempting to glimpse the figures lurking in the shadows dancing on the edge of his vision before they got too close and managed to attack him or his two party members.

 

His ever growing paranoia caused him to falter in his movements, his **[motion inputs]** nowhere near as clean and timed as they should be and often causing Yuuri to miss the critical areas and land only glancing blows instead. This fact caused Yuuri’s confidence to plummet even further, dissuading him from attempting any of the moves and combinations that he had invented and practiced constantly during his Beta Days, too afraid that the actions would result only in his guaranteed failure.

 

 _(Failure means Death. Death is bad. B A D. B A D. B A D. Do_ **_not_ ** _attempt. Danger_ Danger **Dangerabortabort** **_abort--!_ ** _)_

 

But regardless of his discomfort with the situation, Yuuri pressed onward with this two friends: Kirito leading the party, Yuuri guarding the rear, Agni between them as the player with the least experience. It had taken a bit of work, at first, for Kirito and Yuuri to adjust to someone new in their dynamic--the time it took for Yuuri and Kirito to work out the best strategy themselves before translating and explaining in English did not help matters very much either. But Agni’s base reaction speed and ability to quickly grasp the basic knowledge of party fighting allowed for the three to organize themselves better and processed slowly, but steadily through the dark woodland.

 

“Hmm...maybe we should try going more towards the center,” Kirito had finally suggested after almost two hours of their fruitless search. They had stopped in a small clearing where the trees weren’t so congested as they pondered their next move. “We have been sticking as close as we could to the perimeter of the forest, but only standard versions are coming out. And even then, their respawn rate seems to have dropped quite a bit compared to the Beta.”

 

Which...was true. But. But the reason they had not drifted too far from the perimeter was to give a sense of security and safety with the knowledge that they _could_ run and escape, if they needed to. Yuuri wasn’t so sure about giving up that reassurance.

 

Suddenly, there was a rustling behind Yuuri’s back and he gave a small shout of terror as his tightly suppressed nerves slipped through the mask of calm and concentration he had donned. He spun around quickly--not giving himself the time to freeze up and make the situation, _whatever it might be_ , even worse. At the sound, Kirito and Agni had tensed as well, readying their weapons and preparing to counter whatever came forth.

 

Only for a player--a man maybe only a year or two older than Yuuri--to walk out, hands up and empty palms facing forward.

 

“Woah, there! No need for that. I’m just another player. I come in peace and all that,” he announced as he stepped towards them, stopping only a few meters away Kirito who by this point had taken the vanguard. He spared a quick look at Yuuri before giving the a small, squinty-eyed smile. “A bit jumpy, aren’t you?”

 

Yuuri could feel his face heat in embarrassment and found himself cursing this game for making it nearly impossible for him to withhold his emotions and reactions. Just robbing Yuuri of his life in reality obviously wasn’t enough. Now he couldn’t hide anything, even from himself. His freedom stolen, his privacy compromised, and his emotions broadcasted for all to see.

 

 _(It was humiliating and violating and made everything in Yuuri want to_ ** _rave_** _and_ **scream** _until his voice was reduced to nothing._ )

 

Lowering his eyes and head in shame, Yuuri took a few steps backwards and desperately wished for some way to hide, some way to disappear.

 

 _(This would not be the last time Yuuri found himself cursing the system. He might even have to dedicate a few minutes every day to the process of explaining_ **_why_ ** _Kayaba Akihito was a blight and calamity placed upon the world by the gods of Misfortune and Destruction for their own entertainment…_

 

 _...This is_ **_not_ ** _the time to be distracted by insane thoughts. Focus, Yuuri. Focus.)_

 

A pressure pushed against his left arm and Yuuri was ( _surprisingly_ ) unsurprised to find Agni gazing up at him, eyes beseeching and filled with concern. The boy was not paying the newcomer a speck of attention after this apparent declaration of no-harm and the thought worked some warmth back into Yuuri’s stilling blood. He gave a small smile in gratitude.

 

“Considering the circumstances, I think being a little on edge is perfectly sensible, don’t you?”

 

Startled by the question, Yuuri returned his attention forward to find that Kirito had placed himself slightly in front of Yuuri and Agni and and purposefully directed the outsider’s attention to himself.

 

“Ah, that’s true, I guess. Just trying to make conversation, is all. But I understand my humor is not for everyone. Or so I have been told at least,” the boy laughed as he brought his hand up to...scratch?...at center of his nose, right between his eyes. He addressed them with a soft smile on his face. “Sorry about that.”

 

Yuuri didn’t laugh, didn’t smile back either for that matter. For starters, he didn’t think that making light of their situation--especially considering how fresh and _current_ it is--was in any way funny. And maybe it is because Yuuri has never dealt well with meeting new people or maybe it was because of his past interactions with classmates interfering and clouding his judgment, but Yuuri couldn’t help but feel that the player in front of him was being dishonest and fake in some way. His eyes were flat and dull, no warmth or sincerity reflected in them at all. His apology had felt stiff and yet practiced, as if the words themselves held no weight or meaning at all.

 

But then again, Yuuri might just be projecting again. Afterall, hardly anyone ever approached Yuuri with kind and altruistic intentions in the past. _(And he was Yuuri now, not Ryuu. Not the confident and strong man of his memories and certainly not the man that could deal with this situation with a sort of grace and dignity.)_

 

“My name’s Coper. Since you’re here so early, I am guessing you were part of the Beta-test as well. I thought I would be the first one here.”

 

It didn’t escape Yuuri’s notice that the newly introduced Coper spoke in singular when addressing Kirito. Agni and Yuuri might as well have not been present. The boy’s attention and focus was only on Kirito.

 

Kirito hesitated for a moment--(maybe because he saw the same fake and _wrongness_ that Yuuri did)--before begrudgingly starting their own introductions.

 

“Yeah, I was part of the Beta. My name’s Kirito and this is _R--_ ”

 

“Wait, _Kirito_ ? As in the Kirito that was tied for the top player rank during the Beta?! _Ryuu’s_ only party member? That’s you?!”

 

Coper’s expression had noticeable changed during his statement and it was actually a little...unsettling to be honest. His face had quickly changed from its neutral _(fake)_ yet polite state to a more interested and eager expression at the mention of Kirito’s name.

 

The fact that he knew Kirito’s name wasn’t altogether unbelievable. The two of them had developed somewhat of a reputation through their various exploits and shenanigans during the boss fights--they had an unfortunate reputation of openly competing and throwing challenges at each other all the while guarding the others back. Someone had once openly joked during a boss meeting that the two of them were like _Yin_ and _Yang_ \--black and white--always circling and trying to beat the other yet always working in perfect tandem. (The name had unfortunately stuck once another comment was made on their completely coincidental hair scheme.)

 

So yes, Yuuri could understand why Coper might have recognized Kirito especially since, unlike Yuuri, he simply looks like a younger, slightly more feminine version of his former avatar. That wasn’t what made Yuuri uncomfortable and weary. It was the way that he had said Yuuri’s alternative name that drove some sort of alarm through Yuuri.

 

Maybe it was because this person had originally made Yuuri feel foolish, if only for a second, and had awakened ill-remembered incidents of his childhood. Maybe it was because Yuuri feels exposed and he doesn’t feel confident in his ability to meet and access anyone new right now. Or maybe it was just because he feels like everything he knew had be flipped sideways and upside down then doused in liquid fire for the pure enjoyment and sick pleasure of a madman’s whim.

 

In any case, Yuuri did not like the flash of excitement, admiration, jealousy, and deep contemplation that he swears he saw flash through Coper’s eyes as he looked at Kirito and for some strange reason, he felt physically wounded by the way Coper had quickly assessed Agni and Yuuri and dismissed them-- _dismissed like they were nothing more than nuisances and worthless_ \--before giving his full attention and focus back to Kirito.

 

“Wow, I didn’t think that I would ever see you let alone get to meet you in all this mess. I wanted to try and find your party at some point. I really looked up to the two of you and had hoped that maybe we could have partied up for a little while but...,” he spares a quick glance at the two he had not so subtly been ignoring, “It seems like only you joined the live game. Shame.”

 

_(...What...?)_

 

“And you even brought some beginners along with you. That was awful charitable of you.”

 

_(...Yuuri doesn’t know exactly how he should be feeling right now._

 

 _Anger. Indignation._ **_Offense_ ** _._

 

 _Yuuri feels all of this and so much more. How_ dare _this person call Yuuri a ‘beginner.’ How dare he ignore and erase everything Yuuri had done and achieved before this with his careless words. Just because he was startled. Because he seemed a little skittish and afraid because a sudden noise had appeared behind him in the middle of a_ **_monster-filled forest_ ** _. Was he not allowed to be scared? Is it wrong to have emotions?..._

 

_...is it?_

 

_Shame. Regret. Humiliation. Confusion._

 

 _Can Yuuri really blame this player for not seeing Ryuu in Yuuri? Can he blame Coper for not seeing the person from the Beta? No. He can’t. Because Yuuri_ **_can’t see him either._ ** _Can’t find even the smallest fragments of Ryuu in the raging and chaotic typhoon that is his mind and heart. That person is lost and gone, the dream stripped away by cold and harsh reality, exposing only the flawed underbelly of a crumbling glass heart. Why should Yuuri expect to be seen as anything more than a newbie? He doesn’t_ **_deserve_ ** _to have any of the things that Ryuu had acquired. Not the confidence, the praise, the skills, the accomplishment, or the adventures._

 

 **_Because he is not Ryuu, not right now and he seriously doubts he will be ever again._ ** _)_

 

“-so what do you say? It would be easier to just leave those two behind in the village then you and I can complete the quest together.”

 

Apparently Coper had kept talking during Yuuri’s mental crisis because _where in the world did that come from?!_ He wants to separate them? It’s not like he joined their **[Party]** , so what make him think he has the right to make such decisions?

 

Yuuri is just about to raise his voice, protest against this invasion and _theft_ of his choices and right to an opinion when--

 

“They’ll just slow you down past this point.”

 

\--reality comes crashing down on him because. Because didn’t Yuuri just say he did not deserve what Ryuu had won for himself? Didn’t that also mean he had to surrender the place beside Kirito, as his partner-in-battle? As he was now, Yuuri doesn’t have faith that he can live up to the standards of his previous self--no, he _knows_ that he can’t. Coper, no matter how much it **burns** to admit, is right. He will only slow Kirito down.

 

“And they will be way safer in the village’s **[safe area]**.”

 

 _Safe_ ...being near Yuuri will not keep Kirito safe. His incompetence and screw-ups may even kill him. He should go. Yuuri should just take Agni and return to the **[Horunka Village]** and wait, just like Coper suggested. Kirito will be better off that way. Will be safer, stronger. He doesn’t need someone like Yuuri hindering his success and being a general burden to everyone.

 

He should leave. He _needs_ to leave. But…

 

_He doesn’t want to. Yuuri wants to stay, even if he is scared and hopeless and he may die--!_

 

But that is not his decision. It’s Kirito. He can’t be selfish, not now when their lives hang in the balance. If Kirito wants him to leave then Yuuri will, no matter how much it may hurt. For his friend, Yuuri can do at least that much.

 

 _(Don’t make me leave. Please, say no. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to give up here. Please_ please **_please_ ** _\--!)_

 

“Sorry, but I’m not interested.”

 

Yuuri rips his eyes open-- _(when did he close them?)_ \--and stares wide-eyed at Kirito. His face is relaxed and amiable, but Yuuri has known him long enough to recognize the tightness around his eyes and the curve of his lips as irritation and the intent to do harm.

 

_(Strangely, Yuuri became most familiar with that particular expression due to the sheer amount of times Kirito was confronted by another player and asked about various skills and items and how they could get them._

 

_Kirito had not so subtly told them to go and find out themselves.)_

 

“W-what-?” The kind exterior that Coper had presented crumbled a little due to his incredulity.

 

“Don’t get me wrong. What you said isn’t a bad idea, but I am fine with my party as is.”

 

“But they’re a _beginners_ .” _(This guy just loves to point that out, doesn’t he? Even if he is wrong.)_

 

“So what? And you shouldn’t underestimate them. Who knows, they may surprise you.”

 

Yuuri wants to laugh because this, _this_ is the Kirito he remembers. The one who says what he wants and doesn’t let anyone play him as a fool. The one who enjoys watching people squirm as they realize their colossal mistake of trying to mess with him.

 

“But I wouldn’t want to slow you down, so feel free to go on ahead. And don’t worry, there won’t be any hard feelings if you get the item first.”

 

Yuuri wants to burst out into laughter so much, but the brief darkness he feels more than sees flash through Coper’s form as Kirito speaks is enough to sober him and kill any humor he might have otherwise found in this situation.

 

“Well, if you’re sure…”

 

“Positive,” Kirito firmly states.

 

“Well then, I guess I will see you around,” Coper began to back up and turn to re-enter the forest surrounding them.

 

“Yeah, see ya,” Kirito paused for a moment before hastily tacking on, “Good luck.”

 

Coper stops for a moment and looks back at them over his shoulder. His expression was blank and eyes unreadable, before a small smile was graced his lips. It didn’t reach his eyes. (There was something much more complicated brewing there.) “You, too.”

 

He twisted his head back around that run right through the underbrush.

 

It was only after his silhouette was long gone and his footsteps could no longer be heard, that Yuuri permitted his white-knuckled grip on his sword to slacken. He released the air that had been trapped in his lungs since the boy had appeared. In front of him, he could hear Kirito doing the same.

 

There was silence as they tried to find something to say, something to make the remnants of the situation disappear, something to break the undesired tension in the air.

 

_“/What was wrong with that creep?/”_

 

They turned their gaze to the smallest in their group. The dark-skinned boy was still holding onto Yuuri’s sleeve with one hand, but his face was pulled into a confused frown as he scrutinized the place where Coper had disappeared.

 

_“/Was he lost or something?/”_

 

And just like that the tension disintegrated into badly hidden laughter and snickers. It really wasn’t even that funny, but the innocence, the confusion, and the mere idea that the person who had cause their discomfort was there to ask them for _directions_ of all things was just the thing they needed to break free and release the stress that was building far too much to be considered safe.

 

_(This wasn’t the first and it certainly wouldn’t be the last time that Yuuri and Kirito would be thankful that Agni was there with them.)_

 

~o~

 

After another few hours of fruitless searching, their party had finally found a **[Little Nepenthes]** with the desired item growing on its head. It had been flanked by two other standard monsters so they had split up, Kirito taking the right and Yuuri the left, with Agni acting as support for Yuuri. After destroying nearly 30 of their species throughout the night, sneaking up silently to a lone monster and dispatching it with quick strikes to its weak points before it could even react was an easy task.

 

Having defeated their designated target, they converged on the middle and final **[Little Nepenthes]** which, unfortunately, was aware of their existence now that it’s guards had been defeated. Given their experience and familiarity with attack patterns, Yuuri and Kirito focused mostly on blocking the **[Little Nepenthes]** two viney arms from reaching Agni, who focused only on whittling away the creature’s HP.

 

They had developed this maneuver before, while traveling through the forest, and had originally had Agni and Yuuri defending with Kirito attacking, but after Agni had taken a heavy hit from the leaf-bladed end of one of the arms, they switched up the combinations. And while Agni could not hit the Critical areas very often due to his inexperience, Yuuri felt much safer about this set-up.

 

He doesn’t blame Agni for not being able to counter and block the arm movements effectively; since the appendages were made from vines, they had no joints and could twist and twirl in a much more flexible manner. Predicting their movements, timing your attack, and placing your weapon in the precise place to defend was not something that a beginner could be expected to get right on their first try.

 

But regardless of their initial struggle, the three of them managed to defeat the monster and obtain the item after a few minutes, Agni dealing the final blow.

 

“Finally,” Kirito sighed as his closed his eyes and rolled and stretched his right shoulder. “Thought we’d never get one. Didn’t it feel like the spawn rate decrease a lot?”

 

“It certainly felt like it,” Yuuri answered honestly. Mentally, Yuuri was so far passed exhausted that if he wasn’t still fearing for his life, he would collapse and sleep directly on the dirt floor beneath him. “I think even the **[Four Leaf Kappa]** Quest on Floor 3 had a higher spawn rate. Is it normal for games to change the drop rate on you like that?”

 

“Well, it’s not _unusual_ , per se, but it is not altogether a bad thing either. Did you notice? The forest with the **[Fallen Yggdrasil]** is not on the map anymore,” Kirito pointed out and Yuuri, in fact, hadn’t noticed the missing forest and city that once occupied the South-West sector of his **[Floor Map]**.

 

“If I remember correctly, we were one of the few that actually managed to make it out of that field safely. They admins must have realized that it was too difficult for the first floor and removed the forest or relocated it to a later floor. Who knows.”

 

 _“/Ummm.../”_ Yuuri and Kirito turned to Agni, who subsequently held out the **[Little Nepenthes Ovule]** with both hands. _“/What should I do with this? This is what we were looking for, right?/”_

 

The two older of the trio contemplated this for a moment. It didn’t really matter who took the object back to the tavern since they could just transfer it to someone else later, especially considering they plan to repeat the quest in order to get another sword afterward. Based on their experience, Kirito should get the first one since he is closest to reaching Level 3, with Yuuri about halfway through Level 2 and Agni just recently reaching the same level.

 

But it would still be easier for Kirito to simply take the item into his own storage now rather that wait to get it from Agni in town.

 

Yuuri was just about to suggest so when his vision was filled with red. It was instincts more than Kirito’s yell of “Get down!” that had Yuuri dropping to the floor, his arm shooting out to force Agni down with him. Above their heads, the sound of cracking whips was interrupted only by the chorus of the trees that were splittered by the attacking mob.

 

Springing from the ground in an improvised tuck-and-roll, Yuuri placed himself back to back with Kirito, placing Agni between them as he took in his surroundings.

 

 **[Red Cursors]** outlined the perimeter of the clearing they had found themselves in, revealing a massive horde of **[Little Nepenthes]**. Their arms waving around them as their bladed ends carved into the ground beside them; their eyeless faces doing nothing to lessen the expression of primal hunger that their gigantic slobbering maws depicted.

 

While fighting before, their party had elected a slow, but safe approach: never taking on an opponent alone and keeping a steady safety parameter.

 

But this was different. There was no time to prepare--no way to make a plan--before the horde was upon them, slapping whip-like arms and bladed leaves coming at them from all directions giving them no option but to defend and defend and hope that you alone would be enough to take down the monster before you.

 

 _(Why? Why was this happening? The monsters are only supposed to come out in mobs like this if you were careless and destroy one of the flower Nepenthes that attracts them. Is this a new part of the_ **_[Quest]_ ** _? How is this_ fair _?!_ **_How are we going to survive this-?!_ ** _)_

 

It was endless. At first there were only about six **[Little Nepenthes]** within the clearing, but now, for every one that you destroyed, there were two more to take it’s place. Their recently increased levels were the only things allowing them to keep pace and destroy any of the spawns that circled them.

 

But despite the severity of the situation, Yuuri and Kirito together were able to divide and take care of most of the monster themselves, only letting one or two go for a moment to reach Agni. It wasn’t that they didn’t trust him by now to be able to handle one on his own; they just knew that he would be overwhelmed if he had to fight more than one. There’s a major difference between fighting a single enemy and fighting a crowd full of them; there was a certain level of awareness necessary that only harsh experience and trial-and-error could award you.

 

_(Yuuri himself was not all that amazing at it either, but he is at least has more experience than an average newbie player. Kirito, however, has it down to a near science and can handle three monsters on his own if necessary.)_

 

As such, Kirito and Yuuri took great care to not only watch their surroundings, but also the surroundings of their newest member. It was while he was rolling out of the way of an encroaching attack that Yuuri saw it. There, just behind the unaware Agni, was the darkened silhouette of another human being--sword posed and ready to strike.

 

He didn’t think, didn’t even stop to consider why there was a humanoid creature here, or how it might even have been a player using the **[Hiding]** skill which would make their green cursor unperceivable to lower-leveled players and monsters. It didn’t matter what the reasoning was, Yuuri didn’t care. He didn’t care about the brief pain he felt across his back that indicated he had taken a hit, didn’t care that he normally shouldn’t be able to move this quickly.

 

Yuuri didn’t care that he was about to use _Ryuu_ ’s abilities. _It didn’t matter._

 

Because Agni’s back was still turned as he fended off the monster in front of him and all Yuuri can see in his mind’s eye is a sword slashing through his back, stunning and injuring the boy just enough to be overwhelmed and defeated by the monster, and Yuuri would have to watch as the boy that grounded him and smiled like the sun was turned into crystal pixels as he shatters and _dies_ and-- **_Yuuri will not let that happen._ **

 

With only that thought in mind, Yuuri sprints forward and launches himself into the air--aiming for the area between his friend and the dangerous entity--and deflects the hidden enemy’s blade with his own single-handed blade as he spirals and lands. Using his momentum and the basics of muscle memory from his previous **[Martial Arts Skill]** , Yuuri smoothly jabs his free elbow into the slightly taller figure’s stomach before dropping down and sweeping their feet out from underneath them.

 

Still on guard, Yuuri backs up and corrals Agni--who had successfully defeated his target by then--behind him, carefully leveling his blade at the figure still sprawled out on the dusty ground. He idly realized that Agni--and possibly Kirito--were saying something, but Yuuri was too far gone at this point, too wrapped up in fear and adrenaline to do anything more than fight the target before him. It would take a lot more than a few word from his friends to break him out of his current state.

 

“No way...T-that move, it can’t be.”

 

Or apparently all he needed to clear his head was the sound of a vaguely familiar voice from his downed enemy. Yuuri observed the person before him, taking in the slightly long brown hair and dull brown eyes. It took a moment for his identity to come to Yuuri, but come it did.

 

Coper.

 

Coper, the boy who had talked with them in the forest no more than three hours ago. The boy who only looked at Kirito and creeped Yuuri out with his seemly fake kindness.

 

Coper, the only other player that they had seen since entering the forest. Someone who very well could have intentionally set off the trap that led the other monsters here.

 

Coper, who just tried to attack Agni, either to kill him with his own hands or by the hands of the monster.

 

Coper, who was staring at Yuuri’s face as if he had seen a ghost.

 

_(...Why…? Why would he do this?)_

 

“There’s no way, you can’t be. You can’t be _Him_ !” Still sitting on the floor, Coper raised one arm and pointed directly at Yuuri, something not unlike betrayal and something else flashing through his eyes. “You can’t be _Ryuu!_ There’s no way that someone _weak_ like you can be him!”

 

“W-what--?”

 

_(Yuuri is so confused by everything that he doesn’t even know if he should be angry or sorry right now. Wait, he is insulting Yuuri, so he should be mad right?)_

 

“I refuse to acknowledge it! _There’s no way--!_ ”

 

Yuuri doesn’t get the opportunity to respond and neither does Coper get a chance to finish before a **[Little Nepenthes]** jumps out of the shadows and lands directly on top of Coper. It’s constricting tentacle roots combine with it’s oppressive weight give the player no chance to do more than let out a small, choked off scream before he is crushed, the fragments of light that are all that remain as proof of his existence rise and dissipate into the air around them.

 

Silence.

 

Stunned silence.

 

How...how are you supposed to react when one second there was someone in front of you--alive and speaking--only for a moment, a single second to pass before they were gone? Snatched from the world without care or fanfare, snuffed out like a candle that had not even truly started to burn.

 

Yuuri hadn’t liked Coper, not before and certainly not after his latest stunt. But he didn’t want him to **die.** He hadn’t wanted something like this to happen. He wouldn’t wish death on anyone! Or…had he?

 

While it may have been done in defence of Agni, Yuuri had still attacked Coper. It was Yuuri who had disarmed him and dropped him to the floor, exposed him to the mob around them with no way to defend himself. Yuuri hadn’t thought about his actions much and had reacted mostly by instinct. He doesn’t know what he was thinking when he acted; can’t understand the emotions he felt in that moment beyond ‘ _keeping Agni safe’_ ...did he subconsciously want to hurt Coper so much so that he had all but thrown him to the tender mercies of the surrounding **[Little Nepenthes]**? No, it’s impossible. There’s no way Yuuri could do that, right?

 

The gaping chasm that Coper’s existence left behind gazed mockingly back at him. Yuuri felt sick. There was a dry weight forming in his throat and his stomach was contracting and _burning_ as he struggled to find air and hold onto any coherent thoughts beside _‘I did this. I killed him. Coper is dead. Gone and dead dead_ **_dead forevergone_ ** _\--!’_

 

It is the scream and sound of clashing blades and whips that pierce through Yuuri’s stupor more than the frantic tugging he can feel behind him, attempting to move his frozen and trembling body to a safer area.

 

“ _Get him out of here! Run!”_

 

Two meters in front of him, Kirito is fighting against the monster that reduced Coper to nothing more than glittering pixels as well as two more that had approached during the chaos. His first ever friend in this new world is handling himself well, but Yuuri can see the fatigue dragging him down from fighting and concentrating for so long as easily as he can see the additional two **[Nepenthes]** attempting to flank and surround Kirito, cutting off all routes of escape.

 

It is then that the shouted words register with Yuuri. Kirito was telling Agni to take him away, to escape because he had faltered and endangered himself and the party. His friend was staying behind--when he was fully capable of escaping alone--just so that Yuuri and Agni would have a slim chance run away and survive.

 

All because Yuuri was too weak.

 

_(No.)_

 

Shrugging off the small hands holding him back and dragging him _away from his Best Friend,_ Yuuri all but throws himself into the fray, slashing and stabbing and cutting through everything in his way, everything blocking his path to the center of the storm.

 

He cut and sliced, spiralled and jumped all around, over and over again; his movements a mockery of every dance style he had ever learned, the choreography repetitive and boring and the steps rushed and sloppy but _he didn’t care._

 

There was a ringing in his ears and a exploding pressure in his lungs, even as his head ached from the strain he was putting on his already overtaxed body. He couldn’t breathe clearly--something blocking his throat--and his vision was growing consistently blurry.

 

He didn’t stop.

 

It wasn’t until he reached the center of the mob--now consisting of almost 10 spawns--with the vaguely recognized presence of Kirito and Agni standing beside him that Yuuri realized that the pain in his ears and the straining in his lungs were caused by his own frenzied screaming and that the blurring of his vision came from the endless tears that cascaded down his probably dirt and grime-stained face.

 

_(IT DOESN’T MATTER.)_

 

Releasing a wild battle cry, filled to the brim with his desperation and despair, Yuuri flings himself forward and charges the wall of enemies before him. Behind him, he can hear his cry answered and repeated by both of his companions.

 

As he slashes through the gigantic plants, Yuuri can’t help but want to laugh. He wants to laugh at himself and this situation. Wants to laugh because everything has spun so far out of control in so little time that there _must_ be someone pulling a joke on him somewhere. Yuuri wants to laugh because there is absolutely nothing funny about this situation and Coper is **dead** and they are nothing more than _children_ and yet here they are _fighting for their lives_ against weeds because some crazy lunatic wanted to be a god.

 

Yuuri wants to laugh because this is all so ridiculous, but he can’t.

 

So he cries instead. Cries and screams and _rages_ against this new world turned prison that had once given him hope of a new future, or creating something better for himself.

 

He fights and fights until his vision is filled with nothing but severed monster limbs and shattered glass because **_what else can he do?_ ** He can’t go home, can’t return to his warm home and loving family or his sensei and dear friends who have stood by him throughout his whole life. He can’t end this world, not now and maybe not ever.

 

He fights because that is the limit of what he can do to hold himself together and not collapse for the death of a dream and the destruction of all he has ever known.

 

He fights because this game has ripped out pieces of his soul before he has even truly died.

 

He fights because he is **angry** and so _, so scared_.

 

Yuuri fights because that is all he can do.

 

~o~

 

 **November 8:** **_(2:13 am)_ **

The three returned to the tavern so late into the night it might even be considered morning. They hand the hard sought after item that has brought them nothing but trouble over to the NPC only to watch her make it into medicine for her sick daughter. Almost immediately after drinking the medicine, the daughter looks significantly better. The two NPC women embraces tearfully in a touching and heartwarming scene.

 

Yuuri only feels numb.

 

Kirito receives the **[Anneal Blade]** as the quest reward and the three of them retreat gratefully to the second floor and head to the room offered to them by the older women, all but collapsing on the bed and each other as they sought to reach the safety and comfort that only dreamless sleep could offer.

 

(None of them were able to sleep the whole night, but that was okay. No one wanted to suffer the nightmares that followed alone anyway.)

 

When they awaken the next morning, there are players filling the streets and inquiring others for any useful information. Returning to the second floor, Yuuri is unsurprised if a little disgusted at the sight of the NPC daughter once again sick and bedridden. Kirito does a splendid job at ignoring the whole situation, but Agni openly gaped at the family in blatant confusion and growing horror. Yuuri made a mental note to explain it to him later as he ushers the smaller boy out of the building.

 

Using the money that they had accumulated during the quest, they restock on potions and better armour, Kirito also buying some basic hunting and fishing equipment to go along with the large pot that Yuuri purchased.

 

Exiting the final shop as quietly as they can, Kirito came to a stop and peered off into the distance, eyes focused on the forest that will forever be the nightmarish background for the first death Yuuri ever witnessed. His eyes then return to Yuuri’s face, question already forming on his lips.

 

Yuuri simply shook his head and started down the road that leads out of town, away from his first battlefield. A moment passes before he heard two sets of feet chasing after him and coming to stand by his sides.

 

They don’t stay another night, as originally planned, in order to get Yuuri a sword as well and Yuuri was thankful. The three walked away from the first town they had ever experienced together no worse for ware physically, but hearts and minds so very much changed. Yes, they had gained something here, but Yuuri felt that they had lost so, so much more.

 

He doesn’t look back.

 

~o~

 

 **November-December:** _It's a Monster’s World_

For the following few weeks, they stayed as far away from other players as much as they could. They traveled silently--and tried to not draw much attention to themselves--and went to areas and fields that had the least amount of players in them.

 

It was hard to trust anyone beside each other, and even then, sometimes it just felt like they were a group of misfits stuck together--a gathering of confused individuals that had no idea how to go about living their lives without the constant obligation of fighting and moving forward. Yuuri knew that if Kirito and Agni weren’t there he would be nothing like he was now. He wouldn’t be out on the battlefields, fighting for his life and trying to keep his head out of the perilous ocean that was his drowning thoughts.

 

 _(He has heard, of the people in the_ **[Town of Beginnings]** _who could not deal with this new reality and had thrown themselves over the side of the castle, shattering before they even reached the nearest cloud beneath. At night Yuuri remembers how he felt that first day in the town square and he tries to convince himself that he wouldn’t have done the same as nearly 500 players--that he wouldn’t have given up and surrendered his life--even if he hadn’t met Kirito._

 

_But most nights he failed and realized how weak he was, how much he has to rely on the only two anchors that remain in his life._

 

_He thought about how easy it would have been to just go to sleep and not wake up; how freeing it must feel to no longer be trapped in a world that stripped away every defense you once had and left you bare for everyone to see; how nice it would be to never have another night terror ever again._

 

_Yuuri tried not to be jealous of the people who were strong enough to admit their own weakness and escape in the only way they knew how._

 

_He succeeded most of the time, because no matter what, he does not want to die…_

 

_...But sometimes he failed and that made everything harder.)_

 

...

 

Stopping and resting was a luxury they couldn’t afford. Not just because they wanted to stay as far ahead from the other players as possible, but also because if they stayed inactive for too long, if they lingered in an area for more than two days, Yuuri began to feel trapped and watched--setting his anxiety at an all-time high and making his body feel like he was just one big nerve ending. It hurt and it was exhausting, but Yuuri was managing it. Somehow.

 

(He’s pretty sure the only reason he has not become a mumbling mess of nerves and shaking limbs was because he was constantly in a state of shock, disbelief, and panic. If _everything_ triggered your defenses then nothing really did, right? Yuuri certainly hoped so at least, because he has no other explanation to offer and would rather not like to entertain the thought that he might be going slightly insane.)

 

_(...He really didn’t need anymore proof anyway...)_

 

Another reason to avoid the towns, one that he didn’t notice until Kirito pointed it out to him, was that there was a growing animosity towards former Beta-Testers. It hadn’t progressed to the point of a witch hunt yet, but the tension was certainly building. Kirito theorized that it would be dangerous for them to stay for too long in the eyes of the public, given the fact that they were three very young boys that have already reached the upper-tier Levels and have more than just your average, standard equipment.

 

There is no way that they looked like anything other than Beta-Testers. Even Agni, who refused once again to be left behind when Yuuri pointed out the trouble that was brewing on the horizon. In time it would be safe to be seen around the town and not have suspicions laid upon them, but for now, it was better to keep their head down and avoid contact with other players.

 

It may not have been the easiest set-up, but Yuuri was thankful. He didn’t feel ready to deal with any unknowns for the foreseeable future.

 

He was quite alright concerning himself only with the survival of his own party.

 

~o~

 

_(One-thousand deaths later he couldn’t look away anymore.)_

 

~o~

 

 **November 12:** **_(11:43 am)_ **

It was a little strange, but Yuuri found he was unsurprised that it had taken them almost a week to finally address the language barrier between them. It was understandable, in a way. Between the end of their world, their first twenty-four hours here, and their subsequent routine of ‘ _run, fight, eat, run, sleep, repeat’_ they had no real time or desire to sit and _think_ about much of anything.

 

But eventually, enough was enough and it was time to do something about their situation beyond just _surviving._

 

They had settled down in a shaded area that they just cleared in order to have a lunch of lukewarm pork stew and hard bread.

 

(The first floor didn’t have much in terms of useable ingredients, but Yuuri was determined to stay out of the towns as much as possible. If that meant he had to wake up a bit earlier to prepare a bunch of stew (made from the countless **[Frenzy Boars]** they encountered) then so be it. Besides, this saved them some money from not needing to buy meals in one of the towns and gave them more funds for items and equipment. It was a win-win situation in Yuuri’s mind.)

 

Their daily routine wouldn’t have changed much if it weren’t for one difference: Kirito opening his inventory and handing Agni a small stack of papers. Written in English.

 

 _“/What is this?/”_ Agni inquired as he flipped through the first few pages. There were diagrams and arrows pointing at various boxes on the pages that Yuuri belatedly recognized as system windows that pop up and appear from the player menu.

 

“It’s a guide of the menu. Written all in English, so that you don’t have to ask what everything is,” Kirito began to explain. Thankfully Kirito was able to understand basically anything Agni said so Yuuri didn’t have to translate for two people, only for Agni. “There is a way for players to get explanations of the menu options but the explanations are all in _Katakana_ and _Kanji._ This will help the other players, but it won’t do much for you. So I translated all the options and routes of the main menu so that you don’t have to rely on just anyone to help you.”

 

With only half his attention, Yuuri translated Kirito’s explanation while the other half mulled over the new information he had be presented. Or, well, the new perspective that he was faced with.

 

Yuuri knew that Agni couldn’t understand Japanese and by default, couldn’t read it either. He had thought that by taking Agni with him on that first day he had saved him from having to deal with people who would take advantage of his situation, but by doing so he may have actually exposed him to more danger. If Agni had stayed in the **[Town of Beginnings]** , then he wouldn’t have reached his current level or attained his current skills and instead would have been forced to stumble through the menu with other beginners in a generally safer environment than the fields that they currently fought in. Instead of learning the menu gradually, Agni was thrown directly onto the frontlines and basically survived by copying whatever Yuuri or Kirito did.

 

If he could read Japanese, this wouldn’t be such an issue. At his leisure, he could read through the descriptions and puzzle out the strategy and settings that worked best for him. Despite being partners, Yuuri and Kirito’s stats had gradually diverged over the course of the Beta--each of them prioritizing skills and abilities that complimented their own fighting style. It was something that eventually all players would have to do to get stronger. But if Agni only copied Yuuri and Kirito’s choices with no real understanding for why they did it then he would never get stronger and may even jeopardize his chances of reaching higher levels.

 

And given the growing hatred towards any player that has even the slightest chance of being a Beta-Tester, if Agni was ever forced to rely on another player, the chances were high that he would encounter someone who might deliberately give him false information that may get him killed.

 

If Agni was to have any chances of surviving on his own in the future, then he needed to be able to control and understand his menu at the very least. (Despite his fervent hopes, there is no guarantee that they will all survive in this world. It’s best to be prepared for everything.)

 

“I tried to put as much information in there as I could, but if anything confuses you then feel free to ask,” Kirito continues. For some reason, he seems a little nervous as he averts his eyes and scratches the back of his neck. Definitely nervous. But, what for? “But, you don’t have to take my word for it. You can ask Ryuu and he can verify anything for you. If that makes you feel better.”

 

Yuuri is shocked. Why would Kirito make it sound like Agni _shouldn’t_ believe him? Was it because it was normally just Yuuri and Agni that talked? But that was only because Yuuri was acting as a translator! Did Kirito feel...left out or something? Neglected and brushed off maybe?

 

 _Well,_ Yuuri thinks even as he relays Kirito’s message to Agni, _that gotta change. And fast. But how-?_

 

 _“/It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I trust you./”_ Agni beams at Kirito, face just as sincere and open as the first day Yuuri met him. It makes something lighten and warm in Yuuri’s core to see the expression once again. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed seeing genuine emotions and expression other than despair and fear. Glancing at Kirito he notes that his friend is similarly affected if the widening eyes and slightly agape mouth is anything to judge by. _“/Thank you, Kirito./”_

 

Agni’s grin was near blinding now and Yuuri would feel just the slightest bit sorry for Kirito if he hadn’t already been on the receiving end once before and if the growing warmth wasn’t so welcomed.

 

 _“/I do have one question though/,”_ the solar grin finally dropped as the tan-skinned boy directed his eyes to the papers clasped in his hands. _“/If you only understood a part of what I say it would be fine, but if you can write and translate so well into English writing, how come you can’t speak in English?”_

 

That...was a good point actually. Thinking back, asides from their first few minutes after Yuuri’s unplanned panic attack on the first day, Kirito has not said a single sentence in English. (And honestly, Yuuri can’t even be positive that Kirito had even spoken in the language; his mind being so unstable at that time, he doesn’t completely trust those memories.)

 

The circumstance of their situation had placed many thoughts on hold as they grappled with their new life, but now--relatively safe and in no immediate need to move--Yuuri began to wonder. Kirito is smart--much smarter than Yuuri in any case. A quick scan of one of the papers that Agni willing hands over reveals that the English written is clean, not-overly complicated, and grammatically sound. He also notes some words that he personally would have had no idea how to spell.

 

( _Yuuri consoles his competitive spirit with the knowledge that he had focused on verbal and communication skills over grammar with regards to the language._ )

 

The fact still stands however, that if Kirito was able to write like this, he should be able to string together a sentence of his own.

 

 _‘So why doesn’t he?’_ Yuuri examines Kirito sharply his eyes narrowing as he clearly notices the boy bite his lips and angle his eyes elsewhere, looking the perfect model of guilty and suspicious. A thought suddenly occurred to Yuuri. ‘ _Could he have been…’_

 

“Have you been pretending you couldn’t speak English just so you wouldn’t have to bother translating in your head? Because you were being _lazy_?” It certainly wouldn’t be the first time that Kirito downplayed his skill so that he would be excused from something or other. But Kirito had only ever used that trick on other players, never Yuuri.

 

“W-What? No! Why would I do that?”

 

“I don’t know. Why would you? What other explanation for this could there be?” Yuuri deliberately held up one of the papers and waved it in front of Kirito’s face.

 

“What do those have to do with anything?”

 

“If you can translate this well, then you should be able to speak. And yet you don’t. Suspicious, don’t you agree?” Yuuri didn’t like how Kirito was avoiding the subject and seemed to be hiding something. Determined, Yuuri resorted to one of the skills he had pick up on from living in a tourist city. Namely, manipulating clueless and unsuspecting tourist with choice words and careful acting.  

 

Yuuri makes sure to arrange his face to appear shocked and scornful with just a hint of betrayed puppy dog eyes (courtesy of Vicchan) for extra effect.“Unless, of course, you didn’t write it yourself…?”

 

**(Hook.)**

 

“Of course I wrote it myself!” Kirito retorts quickly, Yuuri’s expression putting him off guard and making him want to do what he could to erase the image of himself lying about where the information came from.

 

“ _/Then you should have no problem reading it. Right here, right now./”_ Yuuri hands over one of the papers and makes sure to speak so that Agni can understand exactly what he is trying to have Kirito do.

 

**(Line.)**

 

“Fine, I will!” Kirito snatches the paper from Yuuri’s hand with the fire of ‘Challenge Accepted’ burning like a flashing, neon sign in his eyes, thus sealing his fate.

 

**(Sinker.)**

 

 _“/Great./”_ Yuuri smirks only grows as he sees the knowledge of how he was just played begin to surface on Kirito’s face. Beside him, he sees Agni lean forward in amusement as he no doubt revels in the humor of the situation.

 

_(Yuuri gets the feeling that Agni is the type that flourishes in places like Tokyo and New York; places where things are always fast-paced and moving and trends change at the drop of a hat.)_

 

 _“/Well, go on. We’re waiting~/”_ Agni just had to add on and with a cheeky little grin and, wow, Yuuri had no idea that Kirito could make such a convincing stink-eye. It was like his glower was trying to melt their faces off out of sheer intensity. He managed to keep from chortling out loud, but he assumes that his eyes did nothing to hide his mirth based on the redirecting of Kirito’s ire to his own face.

 

But, realizing escape was futile, Kirito’s shoulders fell as he exhaled in resignation. He lifted the paper and opened his mouth to read and--

 

 _“_ **_Ahiodi menu thoneinakjndjk panel dnoankej select dnkl_ ** _\--”_

 

Something came out. But it certainly wasn’t any kind of language that Yuuri had ever heard before. It sounded as if it belonged in a Sci-fi movie as a dead language of some long extinct alien race or like the words a ghost might say as it rose out of a moss-covered swamp.

 

“Wah-wait! What the hell was... _that_?!” No doubt extreme confusion and a slight amount of fear were broadcasted on his face as Yuuri waved his arms and jestered wildly at Kirito.

 

“ _/Repeat it again. Slower this time, please./”_ Yuuri doesn’t understand how Agni was able to just continue on with a calm, straight face as they just bore witness to the language of ghost possessed aliens.

 

Though clearly flustered, Kirito repeated the sentence again at a more moderate pace and volume. As he tore his mind away from the thoughts of ghost and ghouls, Yuuri was able to pick up the fragments of the western language this time, however...

 

He tried, he really did, but as he will soon come to learn, Agni had a way with breaking any sort of tension--(awkward, hostile, or emotional; if you can name it, Agni can break it). As such, he was all but helpless when Agni announced in a faux casual voice, as if the fact is common knowledge and not absolutely _absurd--_

 

_“/Wa~o. Your accents sucks./”_

 

And then Yuuri exploded into helpless laughter. He was glad that he was already sitting otherwise he may have fallen down from the force of his mirth. Agni was in no better condition as he literally _rolls_ across the floor on his back as he held his stomach. There were tears streaming down his tanned face and Yuuri was surprised to find some rolling down his face as well.

 

_(Were his emotions so tightly coiled that just about anything would set them off? Or was is it just the game system taking liberties with his emotions? It was something to ponder at a later date.)_

 

“Sh-shut up! It’s not my fault!” One of Kirito’s eyes twitched in irritation even as a scarlet blush bloomed from ear to ear across his face.

 

“How, exactly, is this not your own fault?”

 

“The language makes no sense, is how! And _/stop laughing, Agni!/_ ” Kirito jumped to his feet pointed at Agni threateningly.

 

“ _/Pffttt-Hahahahaha! It sounds so funny~!/”_ If anything, Kirito’s English reprimand only served to encourage Agni more as he now lay in the fetal position, arms clasped tightly around his midsection.

 

“Don’t get mad at Agni just because you can’t pronounce the words correctly, Kirito,” Yuuri said as he tries to calm the other boy down.

 

“Arghh! Who cares if I can speak it or not anyway?! I can understand it and I’m literate. That should be enough. I don’t need to learn to speak it.”

 

“Considering that it is called the universal language, quite a lot of people would disagree with you,” Yuuri couldn’t help adding on sarcastically as he knelt beside Agni and tried to get him to stop hacking and wheezing as he choked on his own laughter.

 

“Well they should just make Japanese the World Language and be done with it.”

 

“ _/So you want to make Japanese the official world language...just because you don’t want to learn how to speak correctly?/”_ Should Yuuri be amazed by his ambition or floored by his extreme unwillingness to learn another language?

 

“Right!”

 

 _“/NO!/”_ Agni, now once again in control of his body, interjected strongly as he rises to his own feet to meet Kirito head on. _“/If any language is going to be the World Language, then it is going to be Thai!/”_

 

 _“/What?! No way, you get no say in this!/”_ Kirito shouted in his terrible, if technically correct, English.

 

_“/Oh, and someone who sounds like they just walked out of a bar drunk off their ass gets to decide? I don’t think so! Besides, Thai is much better!/”_

 

“Are you really going to debate this…?” Yuuri asked incredulously. They couldn’t be serious right?

 

“No, Japanese is!”

 

Apparently they were.

 

_“/Thai!/”_

 

“Japanese!”

 

_“/Thai!/”_

 

“Japanese!”

 

_“/Thai!/”_

 

“ **Japanese!** ”

 

 _“/_ **_Thai!_ ** _/”_

 

“ _/And that’s enough of that!/”_ Yuuri physically put himself between the two and forced them apart from where they were nearly clashing foreheads as they snarled at each other. Agni, in one last act of defiance, stuck his tongue out at Kirito mockingly. Yuuri smacked the back of his head in reprimand. _“/None of that. Agni, what Kirito said was a joke. You didn’t have to take it so far or get so defensive about it./”_

 

Yuuri then directed his attention to a slowing grinning Kirito before he got the idea that Yuuri was siding with him. “And really Kirito, I get that Agni egged you on, but you didn’t have to respond to it. Even if you were angry.” Kirito lowered his head in slight embarrassment. Yuuri let out a sigh. “Seriously, you were arguing with a kid that can’t be much older than ten.”

 

The two Japanese players stopped and actually thought about that for a moment. How old _was_ Agni?

 

“/ _I am eleven./”_ He answered when asked, shifting his eyes between the two in front of him. _“/Which one of you is older?”/_

 

The two blink at each other before Kirito directed his gaze downward--something like melancholy and remorse flashing across his face too quickly to be sure--before he frowned and said, “I just turned fourteen.”

 

So Kirito is not much older than Yuuri. His birthday may have only been a few weeks ago. Maybe he received SAO as a birthday gift, just like Yuuri. Come to think of it, Yuuri’s birthday was only a few weeks away.

 

Against his will, memories of Yuuri’s family and friends flashed through his mind. Well-wishes and presents and home-cooked meals under a warm kotatsu to escape the cold November weather. Birthdays filled with laughter and games and happiness. The peace and joy of a simple life, gone; maybe never to return.

 

 _(This is the first year that Yuuri will spend away from his family. The first time he will not celebrate his birthday surrounded by this precious family._ **_What will it be like to wake up on that day and realize he was A L O N E? What will it be like for his_ ** **Family** **_when he is not there?_ ** _)_

 

Yuuri could tell them. Could mention that his own birthday is only a few days away. But telling them would mean that on that day he would have to confront his aching heart and _Yuuri doesn’t want to_ , so instead he simply replied:

 

_“/I am thirteen./”_

 

And offered no more. He didn’t think he can take any other reminders of what he has lost. This very lifestyle was enough of a wake-up call already.

 

 _“/Geh. Doesn’t that mean that_ **_he_ ** _is the oldest here?/”_ Agni sourly inquired as he gave Kirito a look.

 

_“/That’s right. So respect your elders, brat./”_

 

 _“/As if, grandpa./”_ mumbled Agni.

 

“ _/What was that?/”_

 

_“/See, even you hearing is bad. Must be the old age./”_

 

_“/What?!/”_

 

Regardless of how relieved he is that the two of them are actually talking with each other and that Kirito is making an effort to speak in English, Yuuri was so done with all this bickering and would very much like to move on. He loudly cleared his throat and peered blankly at the two until he could almost feel them squirming from the silence that followed.

 

_“/Back to business. Now that Agni has a way to understand the menu on his own, I think we need to address our other problem: the fact that Agni can’t understand any Japanese at all. It’s great that Agni can read his own menu now, but that won’t help him at all if he has to talk with any of the other players./”_

 

Kirito furrowed his brow in contemplation as he held his chin in one hand.

 

“That’s true. If we take him to the boss fights, he would have to be able to understand what the others are saying. And it wouldn’t be a good idea for people to know that he doesn’t understand them.” Yuuri had already figured as much, but it was nice to hear it from Kirito as well. “...We can’t always be with him.” (And, yeah, there’s that as well.)

 

_“/So then I just need to learn Japanese, right? Why is that so hard?/”_

 

The older boys both looked at Agni exasperatedly before sighing.

 

_“/It’s not that we don’t want to do it, Agni. It is because we don’t have any real way of teaching you while we are constantly moving beyond talking and maybe writing on the ground when we stop to eat. It will be hard on you if you have to learn that way./”_

 

Maybe they could just have Agni not talk at all when they are near other players? It wouldn’t be strange if we presented him as a shy person except...Agni was anything _but_ shy so it wouldn’t work for very long. Should they just avoid boss fights for a bit? But Kirito wouldn’t like that, would he-?

 

 _“/If you are worried about me then don’t. I might not love them, but I am very quick to pick up languages./”_ Agni remarked, brushing aside their concerns and misgivings. One side of his lips curved up mockingly. _“/And unlike someone, I actually learn how to speak them./_ ”

 

_“/Just because you know two languages does not give you bragging rights-!/”_

 

_“/Three, actually./”_

 

_“/...What?/”_

 

 _“/I know three languages: Thai, English, and basic Chinese./”_ Kirito began to stutter as Agni continued. _“/And, unless I am wrong, I am not the only one./”_ He said as he looked squarely at Yuuri.

 

_(How did he know?)_

 

“W-What? Ryuu?” Kirito actually sounded _betrayed_ and wounded by the thought.

 

Yuuri sheepishly ducked his head. _“/I studied a little bit of Russian./”_

 

“ _WHY?!”_

 

_“/It...looked interesting and...fun to learn?/”_

 

_(The hell Yuuri was going to admit his real motivation for learning the language.)_

 

Kirito leaned his head back and smacked his palm against his forehead. “Crazy people...I am surrounded by crazy people…”

 

_“/Just because we know another language does not make us crazy./”_

 

“Yes, it does! You just don’t know it yet!”

 

_“/Then I guess you don’t like my idea of Agni teaching us some Thai?/”_

 

The look Kirito directed his way would not look out of place on a snarling, territorial lion.

 

 _“/Don’t. You._ **_Dare_ ** _./”_

 

The proposal and Kirito’s reaction to it was evidently enough to set Agni off again and he dissolved into helpless laughter that eventually won over everyone through its purity.

 

...

 

_(Yuuri had lost much by coming here. More than he would ever be comfortable with losing. Often he would feel the cold claws of his anxiety and sorrow trying to drag him to a dark abyss of silence and solitude, but just as often, he fought it off--refused to crumble under the weight of his emotions. He would constantly repeat ‘not yet, not yet’ over and over again and lock the remaining fragments of his heart away, deeper and deeper. As time passed though, it was becoming harder to move forward, to forget._

 

_But these carefree moments with Kirito and Agni helped. They let him relax and live--not as Yuuri, not as Beta-Test Ryuu, but as someone new. Someone that he didn’t quite know yet._

 

_He lost so much, but these new memories helped ease the pain. They were enough._

 

_...For now.)_

 

~o~

 

As the days passed, they somehow managed to arrange a system for teaching Agni their native tongue.

 

When they traveled from place to place, Yuuri would point at various object and have Agni try to name them, correcting him when wrong. During these sessions--unless there was a large group of monsters--it was Kirito’s job to defeat the various creatures that appeared.

 

When they settled down for the night or broke for lunch, the eldest of their group would work with Agni on grammar and Japanese characters. Surprising, he was capable of easily converting English and Japanese writing back and forth to give Agni a better understanding. Kirito pridefully mentioned something about ‘the process being child’s play for a programmer like himself’ and Yuuri let the subject drop.

 

Agni was true to his words and was a quick study, memorizing words easily and diligently listening to Kirito’s lessons with an intensity that can only be born from desperation.

 

He was a long way from fluent, but his progress was a welcomed development that lighten the weight on their hearts and the worry in their minds. It allowed them to hope; to believe in the shaky tomorrow, just a little more.

 

They were going to survive. All of them.

 

~o~

 

 **November 29: [Tolbana]** **_(11:59 pm)_ **

Beyond saving a girl on their way back into town, the day was uneventful. They had already reached Level 10--the limit on this floor--a week ago, so all they could do now was refine their skills and hunt in order to purchase more potions and stock up on necessary equipment.

 

As Yuuri lay watching the clock in the corner of his vision count-down the final seconds of the day, he finally allowed himself to break--just a little--and released the thought that had been lurking in the back of his head all day long.

 

_(...Happy Birthday, Yuuri...)_

 

Closing his eyes, Yuuri let the small, flickering flame of hope gather and fill his chest. Holding onto the dying embers of a memory--once so dear to his heart, but now so very far away--Yuuri thought of his family, of Minako, of Yuuko and Takeshi and made a wish.

 

_(I’m sorry…)_

 

_..._

 

It didn’t come true.

 

~o~

 

 **December 2:** **_(4:00pm)_ **

It had taken nearly a whole month--much longer than any of them had anticipated--for the **[First Floor Boss Room]** to be found in the white-walled town of **[Tolbana]**.

 

In that time, over 2,000 people died. Two-thousand people were gone forever, never to return to reality, never to see another day, another sunrise in the world of their birth. Their last memories will always be of this wretched nightmare of a world.

 

For most, the high number of deaths frightened the players and caused many players to simply stay in the **[Town of Beginnings]** and never venture farther. As a result, there were very few players that proactively fought and sought out the areas where the **[Boss Room]** might be located.

 

It was the gathering of these scant individuals, the ones that hadn’t given up in the face of the tragedies and horrors around them, that comprised the first ever Floor Boss Meeting.

 

Naturally--( _or perhaps, unfortunately_ )--that is where Yuuri’s party found themselves.

 

They sat on the steps closest to the top of the amphitheater where the meeting would be starting momentarily, a good few rows separating them from the nearest cluster of seated players.

 

(They may be more comfortable with others players now, but they still preferred to be on their own.)

 

“Okay! Let’s get this meeting started!” A man called from the stage at the bottom of the amphitheater. He had long, sky blue hair that curled slightly to frame the sides of his face. His armour consisted of metal greaves and a large silver breastplate over a blue tunic. The player seemed on the younger side of players, but still significantly older than Yuuri’s party. Maybe around 25, 27 tops. “Thank you for coming today. My name is Diabel. I like to consider my ‘job’ as Knight.”

 

Diabel’s introduction caused a few laughs to rise from the gathering.

 

“There’s no job system in this game!” One player yelled from the masses and that was certainly true. So more than likely, Diabel had said it as a joke to set up a certain atmosphere.

 

(Yuuri does not envy him. Standing in front of a crowd and intentionally saying something silly to purposely make them laugh at you is something that is far down Yuuri’s “List of Things to Never Do”--for the record, it is directly after jumping into a high ranked dungeon with nothing but a toothpick to defend yourself.)

 

The laughter, however, died down when Diabel’s face grew serious and his eyes all but flashed silver from intensity.

 

“Today, our party found the boss room at the top of the tower.” Silent whispers break out and the tension among the gathered rose in anticipation. “We need to defeat the boss, reach the 2nd floor, and tell everyone waiting in the **[Town of Beginnings]** that it _is_ possible to beat this game. Everyone present here shares this duty! Do you all agree?”

 

It takes a few moments of contemplation, but it seemed that the assembled players could appreciate and support such a goal. (Or maybe peer-pressure got to them, who knows. Yuuri won’t judge.) They whistled and clapped for Diabel and to his far left, sitting next to Agni, Yuuri could see Kirito smiling just a little as he leaned forward, listening intently.

 

Emboldened, Diabel began to direct the players.

 

“Then let us begin our planning. First, divide into parties of six. An ordinary party has no chance against a floor boss. We’ll need to form a raid group using multiple parties.”

 

As groups began to form out of the gathered players, Yuuri thanked--not for the first time--that he was not alone and didn’t have to scramble to find a place among strangers. He knew his place with Kirito and Agni, knew what he could do and what is expected of him. If he was to try and cooperate with any of the others, he would just get confused, mess up terribly, and probably get everyone killed.

 

He felt a tugging on his left sleeve and looked slightly downward to catch Agni’s eye before he pointed to a lone, cloaked figure seated at the far top right of the theater. Their hood was up so Yuuri could not identify them, but somehow they seemed familiar. Kirito must have thought the same thing too because he was intently staring at them with that scrunched up face that all but screamed ‘ _I know the answer but my brain is being stupid so I can’t remember and it sucks.’_

 

Suddenly his face cleared and brighten.

 

“Wait, she’s the one I met in the **[Dungeon Labyrinth]** ,” Kirito observed under his breath, and, yes, now that he has some context, Yuuri definitely remembered her. But not from meeting her personally, but rather from the recounting of a story from Kirito.

 

Prior to this boss meeting, many players and parties had explored the **[Labyrinth]** for the entrance to the **[Boss’s Room]**. Their party of three had searched for many days themselves without finding a trace of anything. At one point, Kirito had gone ahead to scout, but after he had been gone for a bit too long, Yuuri and Agni had gone in search to find him.

 

Their worry was for nothing however, as Kirito was fine beyond a perplexed expression and a strange story about a mysterious, cloaked girl that ate the food Kirito offered to her after he found her passed out on the dungeon floor. By the time Yuuri had arrived she was already gone, claiming that she had better things to do than ‘ _return to town and wait around in terror for someone to save her._ ’

 

Yuuri had admired her determination, her ability to continue forward on her strength alone. He almost regretted not meeting her.

 

 _(But then he remembered another girl late that same night. One who let nothing stop her and forced her way into his life and filled it with joy and happiness and a_ **_dream_ ** _\--and then he was glad that he didn’t meet her, not before he had a chance to build a wall to protect his heart.)_

 

“Ryuu…” Yuuri could hear Kirito’s question without him having to say anything and though he really, _really_ didn’t want to, for the same reason he didn’t want to meet her--( _bright smiles and cheerful laughter and painpain_ **_pain_ ** _)--_ he knew he could not abandon her, could not leave her alone in a boss fight.

 

Because she would die. Without a single doubt.

 

_(His dreams were already filled with the endless death and rotting plants and copper eyes and red skies. He didn’t need anything else to fuel his nightmares.)_

 

“If you want to invite her, it’s fine with me. We can handle another person for one day,” Yuuri assured him. “We just have to keep her away from Agni as much as possible and we should be fine.” Agni then chimed in with his own two cents.

 

“I...okay. I no...talk lot. Keep...secret. Bad...to leave...girl...alone,” he sounded out in his developing, but still shaky Japanese.

 

All of them now in agreement, Kirito--as the only one that had directly interacted with her--rose to his feet and approached the girl. Yuuri watched them converse for a few minutes before a screen opened between the two and Yuuri noticed another name added to the top left gauge bar below Kirito and Agni’s names.

 

_Asuna._

 

Yuuri could see the two walking back over to where they were and once they arrive, Yuuri spared his new temporary party member a short nod of his head as a greeting while Agni gave a single wave. Both are returned with an equally brisk nod as Asuna settled down a good meter or so away for them.

 

“Okay, have you formed your parties?” Diabel called out, silencing the remaining talking and distributing of party roles and duties. “Then-”

 

“Just a second!” Yuuri drew in a quick breath and whirled around at the sudden interruption of noise, almost directly behind him, that nearly stopped his heart.

 

Gazing upward, he just began to make out the silhouette of a short, burly man before the figure quickly bounded down the stairs--nearly stepping on a few players--and landed on the stage with his back turned to the gathered crowd. His hair was an obnoxious bright orange--like a carrot--and was styled into multiple short spikes around the circumference of his head. As he turned around, they were treated to a frowning, middle-aged face, filled with a sense of self-importance, infantile petulance, and poorly concealed anger.

 

(So, basically the grown-up version of every bully Yuuri had ever encountered. Lovely.)

 

“My name’s Kibaou. I wanna say something before we take on the boss.” The rest of the audience leaned forward in curiosity, but just like **that** day when his world ended, Yuuri felt as if the bottom of his stomach was filled with liquid dread and his lungs were soaked with numbing agents.

 

_(He did not like it.)_

 

“Some of you here need to apologize to the two thousand who have died so far!” Kibaou continued on haughtily and he can’t be implying what Yuuri thought he was, can he?

 

It seemed that Yuuri was not the only one who needed clarification because Diabel stepped forward once more to address the clearly angered man.

 

“Kibaou-san, am I correct in assuming that you are referring to the former beta testers?”

 

_(Did Diabel just look in their direction right now? No, that can’t be. It must have been a coincidence._

 

 _He knows, he knows,_ **_he knows--!_ ** _)_

 

“Of course I am! On the day this stupid game started the beta guys ditched us beginners, and they all disappeared.”

 

_(No...That’s not how it happened…)_

 

“They took all the good hunting spots and easy quests for themselves, so only they could get stronger! And then, they just ignored the rest of us!”

 

_(I wanted to live. What is wrong with that? I didn’t make them do anything. I wasn’t the one that killed them.)_

 

 _(Shattering glass on the First Day. A forest at night. The sound of a life being_ **_smashed to death-!_ ** _Guilt, guilt, guilt,_ **_your fault--!_ ** _)_

 

Kibaou hatefully glared out into the masses, eager to find the face that is showing something, anything that would convict them and prove their guilt, show how worthless and cowardly they were.

 

“I’m sure someone here was in the beta! They should get on their knees and apologize, and give up all the items and money they’ve hoarded. Otherwise, we can’t trust them to protect us as party members, and they shouldn’t trust us!”

 

The crowd began to stir and show support for Kibaou’s suggestion--drawing on the widespread hatred and disgust directed at past Beta-testers--and oh, how Yuuri wished they had never come here. He didn’t need to be here to know how much he was hated, to know how little freedom he can have in this prison. He didn’t need to be here to know how little he could trust the people around him.

 

(Yuuri didn’t need to be here to know that he was partially responsible for not helping the newbies; he didn’t need to be here to feel _crushing_ guilt and _suffocating_ paranoia. Every second of every day he spent here was an uphill battle to keep his head above water and he was struggling enough and he _didn’t need this to know he was a failure and a_ **_terrible person--_ ** )

 

A familiar hand firmly gripped his own white-knuckled one and Yuuri was swiftly drawn from his inner downward spiral of emotions.

 

Sitting between the older pair, Agni kept his eyes trained forward in utter contempt and disgust as he held both Yuuri and Kirito’s hands in his small, but strong ones. “Do not understand all...but...no listen...words of idiot,” Agni mumbled quietly, careful that no one but the two of them could hear him. He softly squeezed their hands once. “Idiot...is stupid...and not right. Do not listen.”

 

In his chest, Yuuri could feel the tension dissipate and his tightly clenched lung slowly releasing and exhaling. He took a deep breath through his nose, relaxed his tensed shoulders and then gave Agni a tiny smile of gratitude.

 

( _Shame shame shame)_

 

It really was a relief to have Agni with him.

 

“May I say something?”

 

Among the crowd of increasing discontent, a single strong and calm voice resonated, drawing attention and silencing the audience. Once all focus was directed at him, an extremely tall, dark skinned man rose to his feet and slowly descended the stone steps leading to the center stage. Judging by his bald head and strong and steady demeanor, Yuuri placed him as a many in his late 30’s, early 40’s.

 

Face still impassive and non-aggressive, the man stood in front of Kibaou, easily towering over him, and addressed the smaller man directly, never once averting his gaze elsewhere.

 

(Yuuri doesn’t blame Kibaou for taking a few steps back as the giant approached him. If Kibaou hadn’t just attempted to form a Beta-tester lynch mob, he might have even felt sorry for him.)

 

“My name is Agil. Kibaou-san, tell me if I have this right. You’re saying that because the beta testers didn’t take care of them, many beginners died. That they should take responsibility, apologize, and provide compensation. Correct?”

 

“Y-Yeah,” Kibaou stammered as Agil continued to tower over him. Reaching into his back pocket, Agil produced a familiar looking book and held it in front of him.

 

 _(Why would he bring out_ **_that_ ** _book. Unless...he knows-)_

 

“You got this guide book, didn’t you? It was provided for free at the item store.”

 

“Sure I did...Why?”

 

“It was compiled from information given by the beta testers.”

 

Confused and incredulous comments surface from the enraptured audience, their worldviews shifting ever so slightly to accommodate this new information. Kibaou looked apprehensive, as if he could feel the sifting favor of the crowd and knew that his argument was losing ground.

 

Agil turned now to address the crowd in a loud and strong voice, making eye contact with every player and yet speaking to them as a collective whole at the same time.

 

“Listen! Everyone had equal access to this information. And even still, many players died,” Agil turned to Kibaou and for the first time, his expression hold scorn and firm reprimand within. “I thought the topic of discussion here was what we could learn from their deaths, and how that can help us defeat the boss.” _(‘Not form a hate-mob’_ he left unsaid in the air.)

 

Obviously diminished but reluctant to admit his misgivings, Kibaou returned to his seat in a huff, releasing a clearly audible ‘Tch!” as he turned away from Agil. Crisis averted, Agil exchanged a silent nod with Diabel and climbed the seats back to his previous seat.

 

(Because he was in awe of his bravery or maybe because he didn’t want anyone to see what was clearly written on his face, Yuuri continued to watch Agil until he reached his seat. It was because he was watching that Yuuri saw the brief moment when the older man looked straight to where they were sitting, straight into Yuuri’s eyes, and held this gaze unflinchingly.

 

Yuuri ripped his own gaze away. He didn’t want to know what was in that person’s eyes, didn’t want to doubt his initial impression of the man like he knows he is wont to do if let his mind question and analyze something for too long. Yuuri did not want to fear the man that stood up for and defended him when he had no reason to do so.)

 

Diabel resumed the meeting and Yuuri forced his mind to focus on his words and his words alone.

 

“-latest edition of that guide book was just issued, and it contains information on the boss. According to it, the boss’s name is **[Illfang the Kobold Lord]** . He is guarded by assistants known as Ruin Kobold Sentinels. He is armed with an axe and a buckler. He has four health bars, and when the last one enters the red, he switches to a curved sword-type weapon called a **[Talwar]**. His attack pattern changes, as well.” Many of the audience members were shocked, whether by the information quality or the skills of the boss. For non-Beta Testers, this would be their first time experiencing a high level fight, their first time battling against a monster that there is no possible way to beat alone.

 

“This concludes the briefing. Lastly, items will be automatically distributed. EXP goes to the party that defeats the monster. And whoever receives an item keeps it. Any objections?”

 

Many of the players seemed impressed with Diabel’s planning and forethought, but Yuuri can only feel himself grow more suspicious. The EXP and item rules that Diabel suggested were eerily similar to the tactics employed during the Beta.

 

Yuuri doesn’t get much time to ponder this before Diabel dismisseed the assembly, announcing that they would be leaving at ten the following morning.

 

Only due to their budding senses--honed in the forest and fields surround the safe zones while listening for any disturbances--do the three of them catch Asuna rising beside them and leaving without a word. Kirito physically turned to watch her go, a small crease in his brow betraying his thoughts. And predictively, he was not the only one who noticed.

 

 _“/If you are worried, then you should follow her./”_ Agni commented sotto voice. Kirito whipped his head around to Agni, then Yuuri. He looked like he is about to say something before he bit his lower lip and averted his eyes halfway between them and where Asuna had disappeared.

 

“It’s alright. We’ll be fine. You go after her and we’ll go get a room for tonight,” Yuuri offered quietly. As Kirito focused on him, Yuuri couldn’t help but add on, “Just stay in the **[Safe Area]** , okay? I’m tired and don’t want to run halfway across a city to pull you out of a rock again.” (How Kirito got stuck in a ten foot tall boulder was a mystery even to this day. The process of getting him out was also something that Yuuri would never want to repeat. Once was more than enough.)

 

He knew his joke falls flat, just like his voice, but Kirito didn’t comment, just responded with a small twist of his lips and a quick, “No promises” over his shoulder as he started off after their temporary female party member.

 

...

 

(Yuuri didn’t see the sharp look that the blue-haired man directed at Kirito’s retreating back. Maybe if he had, months and months of pain and misunderstandings could have been avoided.

 

Still standing at the center of the stage, only now surrounded by clamorous fans, Diabel faces darkened momentarily as he watched Kirito with an expression that bordered on predatory. This was the beginning, the first turning point that could have been used to stop so much suffering, fix so much that Yuuri didn’t even realize was broken at the time. With just a little insight, a little thought, so much could have been avoid.

 

But the chance slipped away, like dust in the wind.

 

And Yuuri could only regret.)

 

~o~

**_(7:30 pm) - Inner City Plaza_ **

A purchase of a room in a local in and a late dinner later found both Agni and Yuuri strolling through the various shops in **[Tolbana]** , occupying with window shopping and late minute purchases for the upcoming battle. Getting in contact with Kirito not too long ago revealed that the elder was attempting to teach Asuna how to utilize the party system after discovering that the girl had no experience at all in regards to parties.

 

(Yuuri was so glad that they found out today and not on the day of the battle itself. He could only imagine how wonderfully disastrous that would have been. His nerves would have probably been shot with enough adrenaline to last him four days, at the very least, if the knowledge had just been thrown on him at the last minute.)

 

Originally, Yuuri had agreed to walk around the town in an attempt to keep his mind distracted from the eminent fight, but now the buzzing chatter and excitement of the surrounding crowds is only serving to heighten his paranoia and increase his worries.

 

( _He was going to be fighting with these people tomorrow, this was no time to act skittish and shrink away from interaction. If he couldn’t deal with them now, how could he hope to move when they are surrounding him on all sides and the only way out was through the monster in front of him? Yuuri needed to get a grip but how could he when these people were_ **_acting like idiots and didn’t realize that they could DIE and instead were_ ** **joking and laughing like fools-!** )

 

Quick to pick up on his mood and rising aggravation-- _(at himself or at the people, who knows?)--_ Agni wordlessly directed them back towards their temporary lodgings. They avoided the main roads as much as possible and kept their heads down to avoid attention instinctively. It was while they were walking down a lesser traveled road that they came face-to-face with the towering man that had spoken in their defense earlier that day.

 

For his part, Agil seemed slightly surprised to see the two of them as he exited the adjacent and intersecting pathway. Clearly, he didn’t expect to see anyone using the back alleys. (A fair assumption, really, if one considered the fact that most--if not all--of the players at the previous assembly were currently drinking and partying in the town square center that Yuuri and Agni had just departed.)

 

“Good evening,” Agil greeted with a small incline of his head. “Turning in for the night?”

 

“...Evening,” returned Yuuri as Agni offered his own short nod. “Yes, we were just on our way back to our room.” There was a stilted silence that followed, an unasked question reflected in Agil’s eyes as he gazed at Yuuri with assessing eyes.

 

(The gaze made Yuuri uncomfortable, but shocking not for the reason he originally believed. He didn’t feel like the older man was threatening him or attempting to exploit some sort of perceived weakness. His skin didn’t crawl like it so often did nowadays with fear or apprehension when a stranger examined him for too long. He didn’t feel anything remotely negative from this man.

 

Which was why Yuuri was uncomfortable.

 

 _He had forgotten what it is like for an adult to look at him without malice or jealousy or doubt. And that frightened him._ )

 

The silence stretched on awkwardly.

 

“Well...don’t let me stop you. I’ll be returning to the masses. Have a good night,” Agil gave one more dip of his head before he stalked forward, back facing them and Yuuri could feel the breath he unknowingly held release from his straining lungs. Crisis averted, Yuuri began to walk away before a thought, a brief emotion, surfaced and refused to leave him be.

 

_(Years in the future, Yuuri would still not know what had possessed him at this time, what had made him call out to the dark-skinned man, and made him expose himself to such danger willingly._

 

_But the result was something that he would never regret so the reason really didn’t matter in the long run. And that was all Yuuri needed.)_

 

“Thank you,” he started, Agil stopping and half-turning to face Yuuri. “For speaking up at the meeting. Not many people would stand up against the ongoing trend and in defense of the Beta-Testers. I was afraid that the meeting was going to turn into a hate mob, so thank you. For stopping that.”

 

Yuuri firmly clamped down on his tongue after that, before he slipped up and said something thoughtless and incriminating like ‘ _Thank you for defending me’_ or _‘You have no idea of much it meant to me.’_ He might as well reveal himself directly if he did that.

 

The look was back in Agil’s eyes only a lot clearer and focused this time. Still standing a good three meters away, Agil turned his eyes upward toward the starry night sky.

 

“Two weeks into the game, things weren’t going so well for me,” the man began softly. “Resources were scarce and reliable information even harder to come by. People were dying left and right and hope was becoming something of myth. It was a depressing time and I am not ashamed to admit that I frequently entertained the thought of giving up,” Agil stopped, his quiet frown twisted with just a little self-deprecation. “But then, one day, the daily deaths halved. The following day, another quarter decrease and the trend continued. A little hope and life returned to the masses eyes. The GuideBook had been released and many lived were saved because of it.” He paused, gaze turned inward in remembrance. “ _My_ life was saved by it and for that, I will always be grateful.”

 

Agil finally turned his head to scan Yuuri’s own slightly slack-jawed face. Something strange flashes across his feature. Something a little like sadness and bitter regret before it steadied into calm determination.

 

“Once, I had the chance to meet the information broker, Argo, that supplied distributed the books. I wanted to thank them face-to-face, because to me, it felt like a debt that I had yet to repay. She was always very elusive and hard to pin down, so imagine my surprise when I found her in a back alley in **[Haerndean Village]** when I _wasn’t_ actively looking for her. Only, she wasn’t alone. There was a boy with her.”

 

Up till this point, Yuuri had no real idea where Agil was going with this story, but now there was an anxious twist in his lungs and a fear in his heart because _no one was supposed to know and he can’t know!_ They had been careful to never meet often and only when no one was around.

 

“It was only after I listened to their conversation and saw the boy hand information to the broker that I realized that GuideBook was composed of Beta-Tester’s knowledge. I’ll be honest; I didn’t know what to do with that information. I hadn’t really cared one way or the other that the Beta-testers had all but disappeared on that day, but the thought that someone was selling their information--information that could save so many lives--only to benefit themselves was terrible in my eyes. The book was provided for free to players though, so I thought ‘ _he must be getting money from the broker._ ’ I had half a mind to step out and confront him then and there before he left, but something stopped me.”

 

A blank face accompanied with expressive, black eyes focus on Yuuri intently and it was only because there was nothing malicious reflected in them that Yuuri had not grabbed Agni and bolted. What was present in the dark orbs--a silent plea, understanding, and _respect?_ \--held Yuuri’s tongue and kept his feet firmly planted in place.

 

“The boy asked for no compensation, even when offered, and instead only asked that his and his friend’s identity be kept secret. He didn’t want recognition or gratitude, and that just might have made it all worse. There I was, a grown adult being saved by a boy who couldn’t have been more than fifteen years old. A young man whom wished for nothing; not even praise or acceptance or a simple ‘thank you’ despite how much hate and misconceptions must have surrounded him by then,” Agil shook his head incredulously. “It baffled and frustrated me to no end. Yet, I could do nothing. It was obvious he didn’t want attention directed to himself, so it would be foolish, maybe even selfish, if I approached him to offer my own thanks and apology. So instead, I kept my silence. Just as I continued to do, even when I saw the boy again. Only this time, I saw him at a meeting to fight against a boss, surrounded by two other boys who were equally as young.

 

“I fully intended to stay away, but when that _clueless man_ ,” the distaste in Agil’s voice was clear, much more obvious than it had been during the meeting, “Tried to blame Beta-testers for not helping beginners, claiming them selfish cowards, I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer. The boy deserved better than that... _you_ deserved better than that.

 

“So believe me when I say that you have no reason to thank me for anything. It is I, that should be thanking you,” Agil finished with an open and sincere gaze, the truth in his words nearly palpable.

 

And Yuuri...Yuuri just _can’t_ . Can’t think or process or believe the words; couldn’t imagine that there was someone that would go out of their way to _thank_ him for what he had done. It felt unreal and wrong.

 

And Agil _was_ wrong.

 

Yuuri hadn’t done what he did for thanks. He didn’t even do it to save lives, not really. He had gone out of his way to track down the one person he knew from the Beta that he thought might be able to help him because he was tired. Sick and tired of hearing about the increasing death toll; of the guilt that _burned_ in his guts and made him want to throw up.

 

He was tired of turning into a nervous and anxious wreck every time the memories of that first night came back and _blamed him_ for his cowardice and failings.

 

Yuuri had only helped for his own benefit. He did it because he was selfish. He didn’t deserve this man’s gratitude, much less the respect he saw shining in his eyes and hear in his tone.

 

 _(Yuuri was not worth it, why couldn’t_ **_anyone see that_ ** _?)_

 

“...It was nothing. Really. Just...please don’t mention it to anyone else,” Yuuri finally responded once he is sure his voice wouldn’t come out as the whimper and shriek of terror that he had been restraining.

 

( _I don’t want to think about my motives,_ he thought. _I don’t want to remember my guilt. I just want it all to go_ **_away._ ** )

 

“Of course, I have no intentions of telling anyone,” the older man answered easily. He hesitated for a moment before adding softly, “But there is one thing I will ask of you.”

 

Yuuri could feel himself tense as his mind wandered and conjured up all manners of what Agil could want. He was at a disadvantage here. He couldn’t fight him off, not in a safe area and he couldn’t just run and lead him straight to where he and his friends are staying. He was trapped, trapped like a mouse in a cardboard box with a _snake eyeing him hungrily and he is terrified and_ **_can’t breathe-_ **

 

His panic must have been obvious because Agil hastily added, “Nothing bad, I promise. And you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” He lifted his hands in placation and his eyes reflected some sentiment that Yuuri was too unstable to bother interpreting.

 

Trying to get his emotions back under his control, Yuuri drew support from the steady and silent form beside him. Calming and measuring his breath as he tried to convince and remind himself that the man before him was not his enemy.

 

( _But he is not an ally either, is he?_ **Too complicated, don’t think about it.** )

 

“What is it?”

 

“Your name,” Agil answered easily and Yuuri lifted his head to meet the older man’s gaze in bewilderment. “I would like to know the name of the person I owe part of my gratitude.”

 

“...Ryuu. My name is Ryuu.”

 

“ _Ryuu_ , huh. Well then Ryuu, thank you for providing information that no doubt saved my life. If you, or your party, ever find yourselves in need of assistance, anything at all, know that I will always be willing to lend a helping hand to you should you request it.”

 

Yuuri gave a sharp nod, but doesn’t return the sentiment. Can’t really. Not with the scratching lump in his throat and the increasingly familiar churning of guilt in his abdomen.

 

To his credit, it seemed as if Agil expected this and was not offended. Giving one final dip of his head, Agil bid them goodnight and departed swiftly, leaving Yuuri standing numbly--mind plagued by warring emotions and thoughts.

 

“Ryuu…” his younger companion finally spoke after he was sure that there was no one listening.

 

_(Yuuri could only hope that due to the speed of the conversation, Agni was not able to understand much of had just transpired. The last thing he needed was to be seen as some sort of hero._

 

_Because he wasn’t._

 

_And he never would be.)_

 

“Let’s go back. It is late.” Agni suggested instead, indicating in no way whether or not he comprehended what just occurred. (Though his reluctance to question Yuuri--who was obviously troubled by this--definitely made Yuuri believe that he had.)

 

Firmly tucking away all his confused and mixed feelings regarding his chat with Agil, Yuuri answered with a grateful quirk of his lips.

 

“Yeah, let’s head back. We have a big day tomorrow.”

 

…

 

_(Neither of them noticed the figure hidden in the shadows that had been present for nearly the entire confrontation._

 

_Nor would either come to realize the true consequences of that night’s revelations until months later._

 

_And by then, the damage had already been done.)_

 

~o~

 

 **December 3: [1st Floor Boss Room]** **_(12:53 am)_ **

The current boss fight was similar yet also different from what Yuuri had grown accustom to.

 

First of all, due to their smaller number, their party was designated to fighting the various sized **[Ruin Kobold Sentinels]** that appeared in sets of three each time one of the boss’s HP bars depleted.

 

Yuuri admitted it was strange--in a detached and semi-clinical sort of manner--to watch the main battle progress from the sidelines.

 

Unwilling to separate at first and then equally unwilling to lose, Yuuri had followed Kirito’s lead during previous Raids and, as a result, somehow always seemed to end up at the very frontline, facing the boss directly.

 

(That was just how they used to be: Kirito liked to get up and personal with monsters and Ryuu was too stubborn to be left behind.)

 

However, as he was now, Yuuri had no such intention of throwing himself into the main battle anytime soon; novelty of the experience or not. He knew that if he attempted to take his old position in the vanguard, he would undoubtedly freeze up and get himself sliced to ribbons.

 

(That did not, however, keep him from discretely analyzing the boss’s attack pattern whenever he had a chance. Just in case. Really.)

 

The other parties could fight that monster; Yuuri was perfectly fine collaborating with Agni to fight the 6 foot Armoured Knight-like humanoid lizards in front of him. He did not need or want the attention that would come from being in one of the parties that defeated the Boss directly either. No, thank you. Obscurity was safe and safety meant he got to live one more day. He did not need more eyes looking at him, judging and scrutinizing him.

 

A ragged roar of rage ripped Yuuri from his inner musings.

 

Returning his gaze to the enemy before him, Yuuri **[switched]** with Agni and delivered a solid strike to the **[Sentinel’s]** right arm before angling his body to slash his sword diagonally across it’s chest from its right shoulder to it’s left hip.

 

His opponent recoiled backward with a muted screech before freezing and shattering as its finally HP points finally reduced to zero.

 

Relaxing his stance slightly, Yuuri rolled out his right shoulder as he took in a few steadying breaths, keeping his mind as calm as he could and away for the constant lingering sensation of tension and pressure.

 

That was the other difference from Yuuri’s previous battles.

 

Unlike in the Beta where boss fights were filled with excitement and impatience and joy, the emotions here were much heavier. There was an undercurrent of fear and trepidation that had remained ever since the doors first opened and the monstrous form of **[Illfang]** appeared, illuminated by the kaleidoscope colored walls and ceilings.

 

It was understandable. Unlike Yuuri, most of the players here would never have seen a monster that dwarfed them so thoroughly. All of the previous monsters up till this point were usually no more than two or three feet taller than the average player and of those monsters, no of them had more than one bar of HP.

 

So Yuuri understood their fear. Really, he did.

 

He just wished they could keep their worries and apprehension to themselves and not make his perpetually frayed nerves even worse. Yuuri had a hard enough time suppressing and harnessing his own fear without there being such a prevalent air of dread and grim determination in all directions.

 

He could only hope that will time this overwhelming sensation will ease as other players gained their confidence.

 

Off to his right, Yuuri watched as the tag-team pair of Kirito and Asuna battled against another **[Sentinel]** , the twelfth, and likely last to appear.

 

They made a decent pair given that neither seemed to hinder the other and there was no overt tension between their defined roles.

 

Just as Kirito had mentioned last night, Asuna was extremely swift with her attacks; her light-weight rapier type blade flashing forward, leaving green streaks where her blade once appeared.

 

There were certain attributes of SAO that were not emphasized or completely understood--thus making them something of a myth in certain circles--but it seemed that with that weapon, Asuna had unknowingly stumbled upon one; a hidden stat that the Beta-testers had tentatively dubbed **[Weapon Chemistry]**.

 

(And while they called it a stat, the word really didn’t describe the concept either since it did not show up on menus nor could it be unlocked under any known quest.)

 

The idea was simple.

 

While as a player you could choose to equip any type of weapon and become an expert with it, there was one weapon type out there that would be most compatible with you.

 

Sometimes the process of finding that unique equipment was as simple as switching from a one-and-a-half hand grip to a two-handed grip of the same weapon class. Other times it got as complicated as needing a weapon that followed specific requirements; from materials used to make it to the minute changes in the sword’s balance, everything had to be in perfect order.

 

The road to find the ideal chemistry was usually long and monetarily exhausting causing many to give up on the journey half-way or adopt the vastly shared mentality of waiting for some sort of sign to find their destined weapon, but not sitting idle in the meantime.

 

Others still simply gave up outright and claimed that the whole concept was a myth and not worth their time.

 

( _Yuuri personally felt that those few were just upset that their efforts bore no fruit and, in their frustration, wanted to discourage others from trying and succeeding where they couldn’t.)_

 

So it came as a surprise that Asuna had somehow already found her ideal weapon, or at least a starting point for further customization. The level of damage her deceptively light attacks made were all the proof he needed.

 

Chances were however, that Asuna didn’t even know herself just what she had stumbled upon. But there was no way that Yuuri could tell her. Not without exposing himself. And that was something he would never do willingly.

 

There was a loud roar and Yuuri turned around just in time to see **[Illfang]** toss aside his metal rimmed, wooden shield. He quickly grabbed Agni’s attention and they swiftly dodge away from the massive broad-axe flying their way.

 

The boss had entered the red zone of his final HP bar and was now reaching for his secondary weapon.

 

“Everyone step back!” Yuuri’s eyes widened as he watched Diabel race toward the boss from the mid-field commander position he had kept for the majority of the battle. It was strange to see him so boldly charge to the front. “I’ll finish it off!”

 

And that was another thing. Wasn’t it a standard gamer tactic to have the entire party attack when the boss enters it’s **[Rage]** mode due to its increased power and (usual) special status? At least, that was what Kirito had said in the days passed.

 

If so, then why? Why would Diabel--someone who obviously played games before SAO--ignore this basic logic and open himself up to such mortal peril?

 

From his position, Yuuri could not see when Diabel reached the front and faced the boss. All he could discern was the bright and glowing light that could be seen as Diabel charged his blade in preparation for his final attack.

 

“NO!” he heard Kirito call from somewhere closer to the front. ( _When did he get up there-?)_ “Jump back as far as you can! _Quickly!_ ”

 

His plea went unheard.

 

The gathered players could only watch in terror as **[Illfang]** drew a long straight sword-- _(a nodachi, Yuuri remembered half-heartedly)_ \--and jumped into the air, springing off the pillars lining the room until he once again landed in front of a thoroughly startled Diabel. A lightening quick slash of blue and silver and the blue haired man was ripped from his feet and flung across the room, chest glowing red and gaping from the obviously fatal blow the boss monster gifted him.

 

(The sting of numbness in their fingers; the sound of crashing waves in their ears.)

 

Diabel was still flying _falling_ through the air. When he finally crashes into the ground, they waited with bated breath for him to rise up again.

 

 _He’ll be fine_ , they thought. _He will get up._

 

**_He didn’t._ **

 

(Denial. Disbelief. Distant howling of a lone wolf.)

 

Somebody _Everybody_ **Nobody** tried to move. Tried to break the silence, to break the nightmare playing in front of their eyes.

 

( _But they have been in a nightmare for days and still haven’t awoken. What hope did they have left for any of this to end?_ )

 

In a cloud of smoke and blistering wind, **[Illfang]** _roared_ and swatted away at the stunned and immobile players.

 

Some managed to dodge. Others were batted away as easily as flies.

 

(Fear. Panic. Horror.)

 

They tried to fight. Attempted to reorganize themselves, but the voice that had guided them was _gonegonegone_ and they were fighting **blind**.

 

( **Chaos**. The king had fallen and left his kingdom in ruins. Who now was left to take his crown? To lead the broken nation?)

 

There was a token defense in place; players attempting to hold the _demon_ back so that they can heal their fallen comrades but Yuuri found himself weaving through the crowd, more graceful and determined than he has been in _months because-_

 

Because Kirito had gone running for Diabel before he even reached the ground and he now stood alone as the boss slowly powers through player after player, deathly determined to get to the dying man held in his friend’s arms, even if it meant ripping through Kirito and everyone else to do it.

 

 _(_ **_NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN._ ** _)_

 

He didn’t know how he did it, but Yuuri arrived in front of the crouching Kirito within seconds, grip tight around his blade and heart filled with icy fire as he stared down the advancing boss.

 

It’s red eyes gleamed with malicious intent and for the umpteenth time, Yuuri found himself questioning his sanity and cosmic luck.

 

Didn’t he just say that he was fine not fighting the boss directly? And then not two minutes later _this_ happened?

 

 _(Someone out there must have a really messed up sense of humor and he really wanted to meet them if only so he can_ **_kick them in the face and-!_ ** _)_

 

Behind him, he hears the tell-tale shattering of a body. The sound that haunted his every step and plagued his mind constantly.

 

Yuuri had looked back, just for a second, in order to verify the answer that his brain provided but his heart refused. Just a second, before he tore his eyes away again because he never wanted to see such a devastating face of sadness and regret on the face of his friend.

 

It was just a second.

 

But that was enough.

 

Enough for his awareness to slip and his defense to waver.

 

Enough time for the boss to see his lapse of attention and charge forward, sword aimed to deliver a deadly blow.

 

And just enough time for the small boy beside him to push him out of the way and take the blow instead.

 

Agni flew through the skies, limbs loose like a puppet with it’s strings cut.

 

(Screaming. Darkness and desperation and **_please NO!_ ** )

 

Yuuri stumbles across the floor, arms swinging wildly as he shoved people away in order to reach the falling boy before he crashed onto the unforgiving earth and drained whatever was left of his remaining HP.

 

He caught him, just barely, as he slide his body underneath the boy to lessen the damage of impact.

 

_(Maybe he did have some luck, after all.)_

 

Instantly he brought out all the potions in his inventory and nearly forced them down Agni’s throat, giving him no time to complain or speak.

 

Somewhere above him he could hear the battle continue on, a slight rhythm to it now, indicating that there was actually a coordinated attack occurring. Curious.

 

But Yuuri didn’t look up or avert his gaze.

 

Agni’s life came first. The others could fight while he stayed here and protected Agni _like he promised and said he would-!_

 

A clash and a yell of pain later, a thoroughly winded and revealed Asuna and an injured and dying Kirito land to his left in a crumpled heap of limbs and wounds.

 

Kirito’s HP was entering the red.

 

(...What?)

 

Asuna was pinned underneath Kirito’s struggling body.

 

( _No. Nonononono-)_

 

 **[Illfang]** stood over them and all Asuna could do was raise her rapier parallel to the ground in a mockery of defense.

 

( _Yuuri was too far to make it to them in time, not when he himself was trapped under the barely recovered Agni._

 

 _There were no such things as miracles. Not here. No magic solution to a death scythe posed to take you life. No mercy for the innocent and no help for those who so desperately need it and_ **_Yuuri was going to have to watch them DIE_ ** _-)_

 

A flash of light and a familiar tall man stepped in front of the pair, roaring as he deflected the creature’s blade with his own axe. Behind him, a cluster of players race forward; their shields and swords raised in hopes of withstanding the boss for all long as possible.

 

“We’ll hold him off until you recover!” Agil yelled as he caught Kirito’s eyes over his shoulder. Kirito weakly nodded, maybe even said something, before Agil entered the fray to hold down the rampaging beast but Yuuri didn’t care because he was officially **done.**

 

_(How dare he...)_

 

Being as careful as he could, Yuuri gathers the now awakened Agni in his arms and placed him beside Kirito and Asuna along with his entire supply of elixirs and recovery potions.

 

“Ryuu, what are you doing-?” Kirito began but Yuuri gave him no time to say anything.

 

**Because he was done.**

 

“ _Look after them,_ ” he somehow managed to rasp out to a startled and wide-eyed Asuna before he spun on his heels and stalked toward the boss.

 

( **_How. Dare. He._ ** _)_

 

The red beast lashed out and batted away countless players. They crashed and fell to the ground, defenseless, as **[Illfang]** catapulted himself into the air and prepared to deliver a massive final blow, but that didn’t matter to Yuuri.

 

Because he was D O N E.

 

Done with this battle and done with this mass of crappy data and graphics that _dared_ to try to take away the only two people that Yuuri had left in this **crazy** , _fake_ , terrifying reality of nightmares and death.

 

In a blaze of righteous anger, Yuuri streamed through the bodies of downed players, increasing his speed and lowering his center of gravity subconsciously, older memories guiding his body in preparation to attack.

 

As the final barrier of players were swept away, Yuuri forced every bit of built up power and momentum into his legs and launched himself into the air, suspending himself five feet above the boss before forcing his body to spiral and twist so that on his descent he was facing the boss’s exposed back.

 

He reversed the grip on his blade--so that the tip trailed behind him like a glistening piece of cloth--and kept it parallel to the ground as he fell.

 

It’s easy, so easy, to spin his body and _slice the_ **_monsters_ ** _back to_ **_ribbons_ ** _._

 

The following roar was like music to Yuuri’s ears, but he had no time to do more than smile as the boss redirected its ire upon him.

 

 _Fine by me,_ Yuuri thought as he landed in a deep crouch, prepared to jump in any direction. _I have quite a bit to say to you, too._

 

Under his breath--to low for anyone to hear, he intoned his customary battle pray, one he had not uttered since those carefree days of the past.

 

“...Let’s dance.”

 

And dance they did.

 

Around and around the two of them circled and spiraled, blades sparking with their fierce collisions and muscles bulging from monstrous strikes and last-second dodges and bends.

 

For so long, Yuuri had fought against allowing the reflexes and responses he had created during the Beta from resurfacing. He didn’t feel confident or worthy enough to make the combinations work and that fear alone often caused him to tense and expose himself to danger.

 

It was safer for him to stick to the basic, pre-programmed **[Sword Skills]** and the like.

 

But as he was now, Yuuri could be bothered to give a damn about any of that complicated stuff. All he cared about was keeping the irate barbarian focused on him and far away from his party behind him.

 

However, as their lethal waltz for two continued, it became obvious that neither was going to defeat the other anytime soon.

 

Despite its deceptive speed--one that would no doubt be beyond what Floor 1 players would be accustomed to dodging-- **[Illfang]** had no chance of landing a hit on Yuuri. Yuuri who had long since optimized his skills to assist himself in evasion and agility.

 

To the boss, it was like trying to hit a falling leaf; always moved at the last second and whisked away beyond reach by the wind.

 

A simple, up precise lean to avoid a slash aimed to bisect him; an unorthodox front flip followed by a tuck-n-roll to enter the beast inner guard; swift feet that didn’t falter or cease in their improvised step-sequence.

 

It was a moment of control and power and freedom. A feeling of invincibility and self-assurance.

 

_This was the closest Yuuri had felt to Ryuu in months._

 

But unlike Ryuu, Yuuri had none of the skills and items that he had used to augment his strength and increase his firepower. Unlike Ryuu, Yuuri had taken no gambles these past few weeks to unlock any further skills than the basic and had put the majority of his focus into other categories. As such, none of his attacks--save the first--managed to do much damage to the monster.

 

No matter how many times he evaded an attack of scored a hit on the boss, he simply wasn’t strong enough to deal any significant damage

 

He just wasn’t enough.

 

“Dammit..” Yuuri gritted his teeth in frustration and willed the voice away. This was not the time to be overwhelmed by his own mind; not when he already had a physical (? _virtual?)_ monster baring its fangs in front of him.

 

Averting a strike to the left using the flat of his blade and a quick twist of his wrist, Yuuri scuttled backwards and tried to come up with some way or manner of attack that would work.

 

( _Yuuri was never enough.)_

 

He was drawing a blank when a movement to the side caught Yuuri’s eye and instantly he remembered that just like Ryuu, he _didn’t need to be._

 

With practiced ease, Yuuri slide backward--dragging **[Illfang’s]** nodachi down with him in restraint--as his first partner shot forward and stabbed his anneal blade up to the hilt into the defenseless boss’s gut.

 

A twist of his wrist later and Kirito carved open the boss from navel to rib in one clean motion.

 

 **[Illfang]** screamed and writhed and all Yuuri could think as the boss rearranged himself to force his blade downward into Kirito’s exposed back was _Why wasn’t this thing dead yet?!_ By all rights, that last attack should have finished it of. But somehow, it was still standing and growing _stronger_.

 

A stream of liquid sunset and ebony black rushed forward and the red giant flew backwards from the combined force of a face full of Asuna’s lightning quick attacks and a deep gash through its sword arm courtesy of a smiling (but shockingly pissed off?) Agni.

 

“Switch..?” Kirito added oh-so-helpfully after the fact and Yuuri couldn’t help but give him a very flat look in return.

 

“Asshole. Couldn’t you have said that sooner? What if I hadn’t dodged in time?”

 

“Well it looked like you were having fun. I didn’t want to interrupt,” Kirito quipped with a far to nonchalant shrug and a smirk that seemed to rise almost automatically.

 

That jerk.

 

 _(But this was the closest that Yuuri had felt to_ **_okay_ ** _in so, so long. The closest he had felt to_ **_Ryuu_ ** _and he clung to that feeling, unwilling to let go of the sense of_ **_rightness_ ** _and_ clarity.)

 

He stood there next to his long-time partner and friend and he didn’t feel the need to cower or shrivel up in fear and doubts.

 

In this desperate situation he finally found a piece of Ryuu; a bastion of stability and safety in the midst of a typhoon, an unyielding force of calm and strength before uneven odds. A man that could push through his fears and instead rise to face the challenge.

 

Yuuri gathered everything--the feelings of rightness and strength--and held it close to his heart; allowed the warmth to spread throughout his numb body and calm his mind.

 

 _Inhale._ **_Exhale._ ** _In._ **_Out._ **

 

His vision cleared just as **[Illfang]** rose to his feet, anger all but rolling off him in waves.

 

“He’s coming,” Asuna reported from where she half-knelt on the ground, her eyes never once leaving the crimson demon. “Focus, you two.”

 

“Right. Talk later; fight now,” Kirito nodded in agreement, resolutely ignoring the small chuckle that Agni released after Asuna’s reprimand. His silver eyes swept over the field and the three of them for a moment before they firmed in determination.

 

Kirito’s gaze flashed to him for a moment and--just like before--everything just fell into place. No words needed to be said of a greater plan, not for them, not as they are now.

 

“Asuna,” Kirito spoke firmly as he walked forward with Yuuri. “Approach just like before. The four of us will work in pairs and switch off between attacking and defending as the situation changes.”

 

“Roger.”

 

“Agni, try to aim for the legs. Slow it down if you can, but watch your timing,” Yuuri reminded the boy. “It’s a lot faster than it looks.”

 

“Okay,” the younger boy nodded.

 

A ragged snarl vibrated in their eardrums as the final monster in this battle charged their position. Bolting forward simultaneously, Yuuri and Kirito halted the boss’s advance with a head on collision of blades.

 

And the battle began once again.

 

In and out, the four of them weaved through every opening and sliced at any exposed flesh.

 

As per silent agreement, Yuuri and Kirito led and bore the brunt of the assault; the two of them being much more accustomed to the skewed odds of a boss fight and far more experienced with the possible attack patterns the boss may use.

 

Being the one with the superior evasion ability, Yuuri drew most of the boss’s attention to himself to allow the others to move more freely. The heavy damage would be dealt by Kirito whenever an opening appeared.

 

Asuna worked to cover Kirito whenever he went for an attack, but otherwise worked with Agni to distract and slow the beast with attacks to it legs.

 

Their teamwork was far from flawless, however. Often one of the four of them would be clipped by an assault that came just a tad too close and found themselves skidding helplessly across the Boss Room floor.

 

(Occasionally, they took another party member with them on their way down.)

 

The battle continued for what felt like hours (but was probably no more than a few minutes, at most); **[The Kobold Lord’s]** HP never seemed to drop no matter how much they whittled away at the monster.

 

It appeared as if there would be no end.

 

Until, there was.

 

It dawned upon them simultaneously when they noticed the last dredges of red in the creature’s meter just barely clinging on.

 

“One last attack! Together!” Kirito yelled and Yuuri added, “Charge from the corners; keep as low as you can!”

 

“Understood.” / “Got it!”

 

The four took off in a different direction, all surrounding the rising but severely weaken boss.

 

One moment to gather themselves. One moment to prepare.

 

Then they burst forward at their top speed keeping low and making their line of approach erratic and unpredictable by zigzagging as they ran.

 

Yuuri reached the boss first and engaged in a brief scuffle of blades. When he caught a glimpse of a small shadow approaching, he caught the downward thrust blade with his own and angled his blade so that the power behind the attack would be diverted into the floor instead.

 

Continuing his onslaught, Yuuri pirouetted off one leg and spun into the guard of the beast and pierced his sword through it’s right forearm just as Agni arrived and shoved his sword through the thigh of the same side.

 

Fiercely wounded, but still not defeated **[Illfang]** formed his left hand into a giant fist and raised it as if to squash both Yuuri and Agni in one go.

 

Only to have Asuna mercilessly attack his subsequently exposed underarm and ribcage with pinpoint precision.

 

Clearly done with their combined attacks, the crimson monster forced it’s arm downward despite extremely difficulty and battered Asuna away roughly with a clearly audible smack. He then reached down to grab both Yuuri and Agni and violently ripped them away from his body.

 

 _Just a little more,_ Yuuri thought as he lifted his pommeled body off the floor and got a good look at the boss’s HP. _Just one more good hit and this will all be over._

 

And, as if summoned, one last attack struck true.

 

As planned, Kirito had waited till the last possible moment to strike, the moment when **[Illfang]** would be too enraged to focus on his surroundings. Kirito’s blade glowed bright blue as he activated his strongest sword skill and cleaved through the boss from left hip to right shoulder.

 

In slow motion, Yuuri watched **[Illfang]** be lifted bodily into the air by the force of the attack. As he snarled, their opponent began to glow like the sun, before abruptly and resolutely bursting into showering fragments of glittering data.

 

The event left the hall in silence save for some heavy breathing from the four fighters.

 

Then, a system announcement came to life before them all, complete with a musical accompaniment overhead and everything.

 

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

**You have cleared Floor 1!**

 

The First Floor Clearers cheered and yelled in happiness, jumping around and pumping their fists in the air in victory, but all Yuuri could do was collapse onto his knees and laboriously force down air into his aching lungs as all his energy deserted him.

 

 _It’s over. I survived._ His wandering eyes found Kirito and Agni (and even Asuna) in similar states of exhaustion and he amended his thoughts. **_We_ ** _survived. We’re alive._

 

And as the adrenaline left and the disbelief and hysteria crept in, Yuuri couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle of equal parts relief and distress.

 

_(One floor down._

 

_Only ninety-nine to go.)_

 

~o~

 

“That was some excellent swordsmanship. Congratulations. This victory belongs to you,” Yuuri turned to see Agil had approached their group, genuine praise and awe in his eyes. “All of you. The way you fought was truly inspiring.”

 

Battle mode deactivated, Yuuri finally registered the players surrounding them--( _thankfully a respectable distance away, for now)_. Eyes of respect, awe, and happiness are aimed toward their party and Yuuri found himself at a loss for words.

 

_(He didn’t deserve any praise. Yuuri couldn’t even deal any major damage. All he was good for was dodging and anyone could do that with a little practice.)_

 

The sentiment was mirrored by Kirito as he tried to deny that he played any role in defeating the boss.

 

Yuuri almost reached out and smacked Kirito himself for daring to think that-- _(how dare he diminish his efforts like that? Without him they_ **_definitely_ ** _would have been chopped to pieces)_ \--but it seemed the surrounding crowd would not let Kirito get away without some accolades and acknowledgement as well.

 

(And he deserved it. Without Kirito, the three of them never would have been able to deal enough damage to finish the boss off. His friend rightly deserved praise for his victory.)

 

There was cheering and whistling and clapping from the surrounding players as they applauded Kirito. His friend for his part looked slightly uncomfortable and kept shooting Yuuri glances of uncertainty; like he didn’t know if he should accept such positive appreciation.

 

Yuuri understood; it was strange to receive praise when you are not used to it and you don’t think you deserve it.

 

That didn’t stop him from simply smiling and clapping alongside the masses.

 

He laughs a little when something like despair and resignation flashes across Kirito’s face before he starts to sheepishly smile to the still applauding people.

 

Despite the need to hide away and avoid public eye growing in Yuuri’s mind and body, it was a nice moment. Achievement, hope, and unity.

 

The gathered were on the right track to clear the death game.

 

_(So, of course, something had to go wrong.)_

 

“Why?!” a wretched and heated voice bellowed. The masses settled down and moved aside to provide a clear view of a sitting and downtrodden Kibao, tears streaming down from his hate-filled eyes.

 

Eyes that were focused squarely on a stunned Kirito.

 

“Why...Why did you let Diabel die?”

 

“Let...him die?” Kirito asked incredulously, an opinion that Yuuri wholeheartedly shared because _what the hell was this crazy man saying?_

 

“Of course! I heard you! You knew what technique the boss would use! If you’d given us that information up front, he wouldn’t have died!”

 

_‘What is this guy talking about? What informa-’_

 

Yuuri’s thoughts abruptly crashed once he remembered the moment. Right before Diabel was struck down. Kirito had yelled for the others to run away and get out of range. Only for Diabel to be felled the very way that Kirito had tried to prevent.

 

Kirito had exposed his advance knowledge in that one moment, knowledge of a **[Sword Skill]** that no one outside of the Beta should know about.

 

Yuuri’s blood ran cold.

 

The players--that had once cheered and congratulated them--were now looking towards them in confusion and apprehension. The vast majority of them seemed confused but wary about what was going on, however the quicker ones’ faces were curling in disgust and anger.

 

One of the braver ones stepped forward, boldly pointed at Kirito’s face, and shouted out the truth that might as well be Yuuri’s worst nightmare come true.

 

“He must be an ex-Beta tester! That’s how he knew all about the boss’s attack patterns. He knew, but he kept it from us! There’s gotta be others here too, right?! Those damn Beta-testers! Come out!”

 

_(The ringing in his ear and phantom taste of vomit in the back of his throat make Yuuri wish that he was still fighting the boss. At least there, he had half a chance of making it out alive. At least there, he could fight back._

 

_This right here, these hateful eyes and wild accusations and endless fear were the real Hell.)_

 

The previous atmosphere after their victory was long gone and in its place, only doubt and mounting tension remained. Players distanced themselves from the others players next to them. Previous party member eyed each other distrustfully. Whispered accusations are being to fly around, because this is no place for blind trust and everyone has stopped believing that this was a safe world since day one.

 

A storm was brewing, a volcano preparing to erupt. The chaos to come could almost be felt in the air.

 

Not that Yuuri was really paying attention anymore.

 

No, he was too preoccupied trying to keep his heart from **exploding** out of his chest and forcing his mind to not completely blank out from the surging dread and terror.

 

_(He was only halfway successful with the first of those.)_

 

Everything was crashing down around Yuuri. All feeling but fear and panic deserting him as he tried to keep his thoughts in the present because that was where a _lynch mob was forming and he really should be_ **_paying attention to that-!_ **

 

But all of Yuuri’s nightmares were coming true around him and he was afraid and guilty and scared and-oh just so confused.

 

 _What was he going to do?_ It only a matter of time before people start to suspect him too, since he was alway around Kirito, and he had no faith in his lying capabilities unless it is to himself and even then it more of a hit-or-miss situation depending on what he is trying to deny, and _ohmygod what he doing?!_ **_Breathe and focus Yuuri!_ **

 

_(But focusing hurt and forced him to remember all the things he had vehemently repressed and denied._

 

 _The deceased beginners that he had selfishly abandoned. (_ **_His guilt._ ** _)_

 

 _His constant doubt of everyone around him. (_ **_His fear._ ** _)_

 

 _The semi-kidnapping of Agni for his own benefit. (_ **_His shame._ ** _)_

 

 _The dependence he has forced on Kirito. (_ **_His weakness._ ** _)_

 

 _CopER- (_ **_Your fault. Your fault. Yourfault_ ** **yourfault** **_YOURFAULT_ ** **_M U R D E R E R_ ** **_-!_ ** _)_

 

 _Everything burned as if he was doused in liquid fire and poisonous thoughts curled around and trapped his body like a boa constrictor._ )

 

Yuuri’s body shook and his eyes tracked everything and nothing, his brain running through the best routes to escape, the safest place to hide, but there was no safe place here, not here, not when any such action would be regarded as an admission of guilt and would get him _killed_ faster than a pair of ice skates on a newly-paved rink.

 

The tension only grew as the silence stretched on, the rising waves of anger and suspicion all but squeezing the air out of Yuuri’s lungs and sending his mind into chaotic waters and-- _(make it stop)_ \--filling plugging his ears as if he was 20 feet underwater and how has nobody commented on his obvious panic attack when he was just sitting there in obvious disgrace and _remorse_ and _panic_ and _-_ **_he still can’t breathe-!_ **

 

(Yuuri didn’t notice that as soon as the accusations began to fly, a tall, dark-skinned man had slowly positioned himself in front of Yuuri, blocking him (and his obvious distress) from the world around him.

 

The man would not allow anyone to see Yuuri in his current state and was determined to fulfil the promise he made just the night before.

 

He had a debt to repay so would defend this boy. Even from every single player here if he had to.)

 

The edges of his vision blurred and the world sways as his body turns to jelly and the **DaRKneSS** has overtaken his senses and he was falling _falling_ **_D R I F T I N G_ ** _away_ from everything because was afraid and confused--( _where/who/what was he again?)--_ he can’t think, can’t breath, _can’t_ **_take_ ** _this anymore--(_ _too much; way too much)_ _\--and he just wanted it to E N D-!_

 

A jarring grip clasped around Yuuri’s trembling wrist and startled him enough to focus on the world around him for the moment.

 

(But focusing and listening were about the limit of what Yuuri could do right now. His clogged and convulsing throat would not allow a single sound to pass by at this time and his limbs were rapidly switching between tightly coiled tension and useless, limp noodles.)

 

The hand still does not let go of him and was instead pulling his hand away from his side, where his sword rested innocently.

 

 _Why was he reaching for his sword-?_ Yuuri mentally questioned before he recalled his last semi-conscious, mostly-depraved train of thought and his desire for _everything to end_ and he stills in abject horror and rampant shame.

 

_(Had he lost so much control that he almost attempted to end his own life? Was he that afraid of everything that he would abandon his friends alone in this hellish game?..._

 

**_...was it Yuuri that lost control or was it the system insisting that that was the “proper reaction” given his mental state and suggestions?_ **

 

_No, no. Don’t think about that right now. Forget it, forget it. Focus on the now.)_

 

The players looked close to blows as the tension peaked towards a crescendo.

 

Only a few seconds have passed.

 

His hand was still in an iron-tight grasp.

 

Yuuri would have thrown it off if it wasn’t connected to one he knew would never hurt him.

 

When Yuuri raised his gaze to meet Kirito’s and what he saw there-- _(_ **_reassurance_ ** _,_ sadness _,_ regret _,_ _determination_ _,_ **happiness** _, pride,_ **_?fear?_ ** _)_ \--set off every warning sign in his mind and switched his brain into overdrive.

 

He knew the answer to the puzzle Kirito put in front of him--he knew he did--but for the life of him he couldn’t make his mind work through the sludge that surrounded it and it was gonna _drive him insane-!_

 

“Sorry,” his friend offered with a tiny upward twist of his lips.

 

Suddenly the fog was lifted and Yuuri saw Kirito intentions, his plan. But the knowledge gave him no joy--no happiness.

 

Only deep shame and dishonor.

 

Kirito expression firmed and he turned his back to them.

 

_(He turned away from him.)_

 

Then he began to laugh.

 

Starting softly and tinged with madness and malice, his laughter cut through the atmosphere of the room and doused the occupants in ice water.

 

Only after the ambient noise completely disappeared did Kirito stop his maniac chuckles.

 

He then addressed the room with a twisted sneer on his face that was wrong wrong wrong and his voice sounded-

 

“An ex-Beta Tester, you say? I wish you wouldn’t compare me to those newbies.”

 

Cold.

 

Dark and mocking and sharpened to _hurt._ To cause pain and devastation.

 

“W-what?” a dumbstruck Kibaou choked out.

 

(Good for him, at least he could speak. Yuuri wished he could do that much.)

 

Kirito strode into the center of the room, into the middle of the mass of anger players that petrified Yuuri to the point of experiencing an attack.

 

He walked into Yuuri’s worst nightmare, alone and fearless and everything that Yuuri would never be. Not in a million years.

 

_(He walked away for them.)_

 

“Most of the 1,000 people who won SAO Beta test slots were beginners who didn’t even know how to level up.”

 

_(Truth.)_

 

“Even you guys are better than them.”

 

_(Debatable. The Beta players didn’t try to kill and shame them.)_

 

“But I’m not like those guys. During the beta test, I made it to higher levels than anyone else was able to reach.”

 

_(Truth. Kirito would have made it as far as he did without him. Yuuri was the one who held him back for sure. All he did was make things harder for Kirito.)_

 

( **Like he was doing right now.** )

 

“I tried to pretend I was a newbie--to avoid suspicion and all that--but honestly, _everyone here_ is so stupid that I doubt you would have figured it out without me spelling it out for you. Seriously, what a joke.”

 

_(Lie Lie LIE! Don’t do this-!)_

 

“The reason I knew about the boss’s sword skills was because I fought tons of monsters with those skills on floors far above us.”

 

_(Stop! Please, don’t say anymore!)_

 

“I know lots of other things too. Way more than any information broker.”

 

_(Stop painting a larger target on yourself. That’s enough. Stop stopstopSTOP- !)_

 

“ **_No one_ ** knows more about this game than I do.”

 

_(...His fault...)_

 

“That’s…” Kibaou-- _(the Instigator, the Coward, the Accuser)--_ started, eyes blown wide and in shock for a moment before he throws all his personal grief and frustration and hate on someones else. “That’s way worse than a Beta Tester! That’s cheating! You’re a cheater. That’s what you are!”

 

The group of dangerous adults quickly take the reins on this one-sided blame fest and fling their own negative opinions onto a non-caring (F A K E) Kirito.

 

“Yeah, a cheater!”

 

“A Beta-tester and a cheater…”

 

“A Beater!”

 

Kirito was still smiling.

 

_(He caused this.)_

 

“A Beater… That’s a good name. That’s right. I am a Beater. From now on, don’t confuse me with the other testers.”

 

_(Because he was too weak. Because Yuuri couldn’t stand up for himself. Now, Kirito has to sacrifice himself to shield Yuuri from the stigma of a hated Beta-tester._

 

 _Because Yuuri was weak_ weak **_weak_ ** _and useless and a failure and he couldn’t offer Kirito any safety or reassurance or_ **_anything_ ** _in general._

 

 _Because his friend, his first pillar in this world and the one who helped him pick up the pieces of his broken mind all those months ago was_ **_walking away_ ** _and all Yuuri could do was sit there and silently watch and pray that this was all just an illusion. A bad joke.)_

 

But reality was cruel and this game even more so, so Yuuri would only watch as Kirito opened a window in front of him and equipped a long, midnight black coat that belatedly Yuuri realised must have been Kirito’s prize from the boss for delivering the last hit.

 

Yuuri could only stiffly shift his body as Kirito passed them by without a second glance.

 

He could only sit and stare through the thick sheen of tears he only then realized had been falling for some time.

 

The cold vines and restraints of his mind kept his body from moving more than the bare minimum no matter how hard he tried to get up and run after his departing friend, but he needed to get up, needed to function right again, so he fought against his mind to try and regain so level of control.

 

Just as he felt he was making some headway, Kirito paused one last time and opened his menu again, back still firmly facing them.

 

A small _ping_ alerted Yuuri to the message that opened itself in front of him.

 

**ALERT**

**Kirito has Disbanded the Party**

  

Somehow the innocent chime from before reminded Yuuri of a mixture of the bells that rang on the First Day and a death knell.

 

What little strength he had regained before fled his grasps instantly.

 

Kirito didn't stop, didn't turn around or offer any more words.

 

(Because any care shown toward Yuuri right now would only draw suspicion. Because right now, even at the very end, Kirito was still protecting Yuuri.)

 

“Later, losers,” Kirito flippantly called out as he gave a single, mocking salute of farewell without looking back once.

 

Yuuri felt his heart sink as he heard the unspoken message buried in those words.

 

This time, he willingly accepted the darkness and haze that overpowered him. The last thing he wanted right now, was to be awake and capable of thinking, of feeling.

 

Of knowing that he had failed to help his friend.

 

( **And it was all his fault.** )

 

~o~

 

He didn’t know how long he stayed sitting there like a statue of agony and misery once he entered the blank-state of nothingness that shielded his mind away from everything.

 

He didn’t know if the snippets of images he had of people yelling at him for answers was a memory or a figment of his imagination.

 

(He couldn’t make sense of the arms that he felt embracing and hiding him away from reaching hands and prying eyes; couldn’t decide if they were real or if his own mind summoned specters of his loved ones to offer him support and comfort.)

 

He didn’t even have the faintest clue about how he ended up back at his room in the inn.

 

The one that he had once shared with Agni and _Kirito-_

 

Sudden clarity hurt and repressed memories even more so.

 

Kirito was gone.

 

Gone and far, far away from Yuuri.

 

_(His heart was breaking while his lungs tried their best to imitate the Sahara Desert.)_

 

Maybe this was for the better.

 

At least now, Kirito wouldn’t be burdened with Yuuri and his mountains of unresolved issues.

 

_(Air harshly rushed down his windpipe and seemed to shred his throat has it passed.)_

 

But even that thought was not enough to appease Yuuri’s drowning thoughts and tattered heart.

 

This world was only made liveable because Kirito was there. Yuuri hadn’t survived even three days in the Beta without him.

 

How was he supposed to live now?

 

_(He was shaking even as arms wrapped around him and held him close. The only reason he didn’t shake them off was because the person seemed vaguely familiar and registered in his mind as “non-threatening.”)_

 

He sat there silently, with blurry eyes and heaving shoulders.

 

Yuuri knew that he could move now, if he wanted to. But somehow he couldn’t.

 

It wasn’t his mind or body that was holding him down this time--it was his heart.

 

His heart that was now heavy with guilt and desolation and shame.

 

_(For all their importance, the heart and the mind were both as fragile as glass.)_

 

Because he wanted to apologize for not being able to do anything.

 

Because he didn’t want this to be real.

 

_Because Yuuri was scared and alone and Kirito was always there to help him and now he was NOT._

 

He opened his menu--hoping to see what he instinctively knew would not be there.

 

_(They break; so easily.)_

 

Yuuri searched his **[Friends List]** once, twice, three times.

 

The name should be the very first, the place of honor and the one that Yuuri had the greatest pride in obtaining.

 

The name that would always tell let him know where it’s owner was; if he was even alive.

 

The name that represented the link that two lost and lonely boys made in a not-so distant past filled with adventure and joy.

 

He studied the list over and over again, but the truth lay in front of him.

 

The name was gone.

 

Kirito’s name was gone.

 

And the tentative grasp Yuuri had on reality slipped.

 

He broke.

 

In every possible way.

 

And this time, he had to figure out how to put himself together on his own.

 

...

 

_(He doesn’t know if he can.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very, very late. I have no excuse that will work for more than two months of absence.
> 
> All I can offer is that I have no intention of abandoning this story, but I will be unable to keep a strict schedule until my life settles down some more.
> 
> Please bare with me.
> 
> Now for the notes:
> 
> (1)Coper: Not a lot is known about his character other than he tried to MPK Kirito on the first day of SAO. He was a beta-tester and had no qualms with abandoning the newbies to save his own life. In this story, he was a Beta-tester as well however, due to the fame that followed Kirito and Ryuu, he actually knew who they were. (Note: most beta tester will recognize the names ‘Kirito and Ryuu’ but will have various reason for not announcing it.) Coper looked up to them, especially Ryuu, therefore he was a bit jealous of the trio because the two “beginners” were hanging around one of his idols and Kirito, while amazing, was not the person that Coper wanted to meet most. Coper also begins to dislike Kirito here because Kirito is ‘saving newbies’ and Coper didn’t. He didn’t want to feel guilt so instead he just gets angry and jealous. It is indeed a bit of betrayal that flashes through his eyes right before he dies, because (1) he wanted to meet Ryuu and yet he is this ‘weakling’ and (2) he is disgusted with himself, if only briefly, for almost killing his idol. He actually wasn’t all that bad of a person, but again, this is Yuuri’s POV and he has BAD experiences with people his own age so everything he did looked sketchy and malicious at best to Yuuri.
> 
> (2)The dynamic between Kirito, Yuuri, and Phichit is not set in stone at all. Right now, they are still kinda unstable because they are in a new environment and because of various factors like Phichit’s mediocre Japanese skills. They also don’t understand each other nearly half as well as they think they do all for different reasons of their own making. As the story progresses, there will be changes as more drama happens and they get to know each other better.
> 
> (3)Kirito and languages. I based my headcanon off of when Kirito tries to learn ‘magic words’ in ALO and was unhappy when they were in an English-sounding language. Simply put, he hates them. Not because he doesn’t understand them or can’t learn them, but because he is one of those people you met every so often that just CAN’T pronounce words in foreign languages correctly. He is a computer and programming fanatic, he can easily understand and switch between different cultural languages as easily as he can switch between Java and Python programming languages. But he can’t make his mouth work correctly which aggravates him, so he doesn’t like speaking in foreign languages. Other than that, he has no problem with them.
> 
> (4)Yuuri’s skills: Like in canonYOI, Yuuri performs better when he doesn’t over think and when he thinks no one is watching. In the Beta, Yuuri got to exploit both of these qualities as Ryuu and was thus able to progress fast and steadily. As he is now though, Yuuri fails quite a bit on moves that, as Ryuu, he had no problems with. It is more a subconscious thing on his behalf. “I am Yuuri therefore I cannot do anything that Ryuu could.” As such, he is mostly unrecognizable as Beta-tester Ryuu to anyone that knew him prior. There are doubts and suspicions, but no one is sure enough to call him out on it. More will be explained later on this subject, but that is the jist of it.
> 
> (5)Agil: In the anime, no one seemed to know that the guidebook as made by Beta-testers, but yet he did. For what I know, Argo would never reveal the identities of former Beta-Testers, so the only way Agil could have known was if he had overheard a transaction between Argo and a concealed Tester. Here, that person just so happens to be Yuuri.
> 
> (6) Fight with Illfang: it might just be in the anime, but it seemed to me like that boss would just NOT die. To me it felt like it was too disproportionately strong compared to the first floor players. (I secretly believe that Kayaba made that one stronger than usual on purpose to dissuade beta test from believing that all their previous knowledge was viable because he is a major dick and sore loser.)
> 
> (7) Title from this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkcAfZei0rM
> 
> As always, feel free to comment and review!

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the beginning of Yuuri’s journey through the events of SAO. While technically this is the chapter length that I was aiming for in this arc, having planned out the next chapters in a more or less organized manner, I believe that I would be foolish to think that chapters from here on out will be any shorter than 13K words.
> 
> (I have seriously underestimated my ability to write long stories.)
> 
> In light of this, my new update schedule is will be once every 2-3 weeks to give myself some leeway.
> 
> Now onto points to clarify:
> 
> (1) So...I am pretty sure it is obvious by now, but, yes, that was Phichit. His role and place in this story has been hinted at since chapter 1 of the previous part and it would not be a lie to say that he is actually my muse and the reason this story was able to come to life. But, do not worry! He is NOT the main character of this story, despite being the character I currently love the most.
> 
> (2) Yuuri’s strange behaviour regarding his friendship with Kirito. Yep, I realize it is weird how they are interacting and I intentionally wrote it that way for two reasons:  
> (a) Yuuri still does not know the best way to act around a friend and Kirito is not helping on his part because they are both socially clueless and awkward turtles.  
> (b) For those of you who know the story of SAO, you can probably guess, but for those who don’t let’s just say that something that was present in the Beta-test is no longer working in the live game. Even though he doesn’t realize it, yet, Yuuri is no longer being helped by this source and as a result, is not thinking as clearly as he usually did in the Beta and it is affecting his actions/decisions subconsciously. He does not know this though so this part was made to be confusing on purpose.
> 
> (3) So Phichit might seem a little strange and moody here. This is due to the NerveGear’s nifty inability to hide emotions. The NerveGear functions by reading the brain signals going through a person’s mind and redirecting it to their virtual avatar. In other words, IT READS YOUR EMOTIONS. Maybe if you are sad in real life, you can hide it behind a poker face because you are practiced at it, but the NerveGear is not programmed like that. It will ‘sense’ the emotions of sadness and then it will think ‘this person is sad, therefore they should be crying’ and then it will make you cry virtual tears even if you didn’t want to. I personally headcanon that many of the characters in the beginning of SAO struggled a lot because they couldn’t keep their emotions hidden very well and therefore they felt even more exposed than they already were by being forced to look like themselves.
> 
> (4) NerveGear language barriers: The dilemma that is the different languages is basically my own speculations and studies. Did you know that people actually think in a certain language? Usually it is the one that is their ‘mother tongue’ but for those of you who speak two or more languages, you will understand the fact that sometimes, the word in one language will come before the word in another. (I, for one, knew the word for shake (as in milkshake) in my father’s tongue before I knew it in English. It was soooo awkward finding that out when I went to smoothie store for the first time.) So, Phichit is thinking in Thai and translating the language himself.
> 
> When I first watched SAO, I thought that it was strange that the menu was in English when everyone was supposedly Japanese. I asked some of my friends that play big games--like World of Warcraft--and they told me that games were usually divided by regions so that the only people that played with you were ones that spoke the same language. So I accepted that the Japanese Server for SAO came out first and the others were abandoned after it became a death game. That made sense to me.
> 
> And then, Gun Gale Online arc came out and they said that there are American players in the game as well, and I am like “WTF! How? Most Americans can’t speak Spanish let alone Japanese. How are they playing with Japanese players?!” So then I thought, they must have found a way to automatically translate a thought language, into a specific spoken language. Kinda like an instant translator spell from Harry Potter that hopefully works better than Google Translate. There are a few years between SAO and GGO so I’ll assume that it was possible for them to make this update. Unfortunately, it will happen during Phichit’s time in SAO and since they obviously can’t perform any updates to the System, he is stuck as he is.
> 
> (5) Chapter titles will be inspired by a song that fits the overall mood/theme of the chapter. This chapter's song is "Meet me on the Battlefield" by SVRCINA. The link is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZrddJPGp1I
> 
> (6)Can someone please write a comment and tell/teach me how to stop the notes from the previous chapter showing up on the following ones? :(


End file.
